Some cheeky blighter has used my work Visa card for nefarious purposes.

Apparently the cunning chaps use new fangled computer thingies to put bunches of random 16-digit card numbers and expiry dates into iTunes to purchase songs. When one works, they know that they have a valid card number/expiry date combo and can go shopping.

Thankfully, those clever boffins at the NatWest also use them there computing machines and spotted that, with my work Visa, I’m unlikely to purchase songs on iTunes and then go shopping for t-shirts from a luxury Japanese clothing company. (Of course, with my personal Visa, anything is possible). Consequently, when I was trying to make a purchase this afternoon, I had to get on the blower to convince the NatWest that I am the real me. They kindly suggest that I feed my current card to a pack of wild dogs and await the delivery of a shiny new card. Meanwhile, they’ve refunded the undesired transactions to my account, made sure that the cheeky blighters can’t make any more transcations (apparently they had already tried, twice) and have been awfully helpful.

Dastardly scamps! They should be hung by their thumbs from the nearest mighty oak!

I’ve just converted a printer that was (dodgily, due, I suspect, to a faulty wireless card) connected to my WLAN to being a LAN printer by using a wireless bridge (no, really). It’s been a success, and I’m no wondering if I could perhaps use a switch and connect a few other peripherals into the LAN via the same bridge.

One of the peripherals I’m keen to connect is an external HDD that I use to backup my laptop. Theoretically, my laptop gets backed-up every Thursday at 6pm. But that assumes that it is at my desk and connected to the HDD by USB cable. I’d like it to backup, no matter where on the WLAN it is (conservatory, living room, office, wherever). The HDD does not have an ethernet socket. So, is there a device that I can plug the HDD into that will act as an external ethernet card for it, so that I can then link that external ethernet card into the LAN? Or should I just buy a new HDD with an ethernet card built in?

This morning, I had the plaster cast removed. Thank goodness for that!

I now have a “double tubigrip” arrangement on my left foot/ankle/leg and have been given instruction to gently start walking again. I can only manage a handful of steps at one go before it becomes too painful/uncomfortable, but the doctor reckons that I should progressively get stronger and more mobile by early next week. He reckons that the majority of the damage (or possibly even all of it) is muscular, not bone.

Frankly, being able to move around again is great. I was starting to become a bit of a bear-with-a-sore-head (or sore leg) and could easily have become utterly insufferable for my family. But I’m looking forward to having a soak in the bath tonight and not relying on Hels to wash my hair (I couldn’t get in the shower to do it and found it rather precarious to lather my barnet whilst balanced on one foot). And, most of all, I’m looking forward to being able to drive again and get back to proper work rahter than the half-hearted work I’ve done for the last ten days.

Geoffrey Smith, RIP.

I remember watching Geoffrey Smith’s World Of Flowers when it was first broadcast, although I can’t have been more than 11 or 12 at the time. It was a stunning series, years ahead of its time. Now we are used to series (often on BBC4) that tackle a subject in depth with lots of footage shot on location around the world and fronted by an expert who is passionate about their subject and gets their message across through sheer force of personality (I’m thinking of people like Jim al-Khalili and Rageh Omaar). That series was a great influence on me, tackling a different genus in each episode and getting across the personality of the plants concerned, the people involved in their introduction and development in cultivation and the places and locations from which they originate.

It would be going too far to say that the programme had a direct influence on my choice of future career (other circumstances in my life had far greater influence), but it was certainly in the background. I hope that they repeat it soon as a tribute – it would be of interest to anyone, not just gardening enthusiasts.

We have just taken the opportunity to have a little holiday. Well, that was the plan. I had to go to Angers for an exhibition and took H and T along with me, something we have done for four out of the last five years.

After staying in Angers for a couple of nights and a (very successful) day at the exhibition, we took the car to Saint Malo, via Rennes and Dinan. We got to our hotel and wandered into the Intra Muros, had a nice meal and then, to entertain Tom, clambered up onto the city wall to head back towards the hotel. So far, so good. But it was mightily dark and I decided to carry Tom as we descended the stone steps. Hels stumbled on the last step as we went down. And then I fell down on the same step, heavily. I managed to hold on to Tom and lower him gently to the step. But I had a fair idea that I’d really hurt myself. I could tell this by the tears in my eyes and nausea, not to mention the pain.

We hobbled back to the hotel and went to bed. But, in the morning, it became quite evident that I was in agony. The evidence consisted of me yelping with pain whenever I stood up, and yelping twice as much if I put any weight on my left foot.

With guidance from the hotel receptionist, Hels took me over to the hospital. After a short wait, an x-ray revealed the tiniest chip off a bone. My reward – a French plaster cast with matching crutches and painkillers. My first damaged bone. Bugger.

We changed our homeward travel arrangements and got ourselves on the next ferry from Saint Malo to Portsmouth (we originally planned to travel to Dieppe and then back to Newhaven – but if ever you take that boat, pack a lunch as the food is utter crap). I’m hoping that my insurers will pay for the change of ferry plans and the lost night of accommodation (about four hundred quid in total).

Since then, I’ve seen umpteen medical people and been the centre of much attention. I’ve got to wear the cast for at least ten days before it is swapped for a removable boot. Which means I can’t drive, can’t put weight on it and can’t walk more than a few paces. Which will make life a little difficult, to say the least.

And, to top it all, Tom has chickenpox. Spots. Lots of them. And itchy.

Hels has got her work cut out. She’s pretty amazing.

The hyperactive child is asleep. The wife is wrapping presents. Monty is in his basket. Treacle is sitting next to me.

Me? I’ve just signed my Corporation Tax return and written a fat cheque to the Revenue.

Ho ho and, indeed, ho. Merry Christmas.

I’m waaay behind. Way behind with work. Way behind with stuff that needs doing around the house. Way behind in keeping in contact with people (sorry). Way behind in sleep. Way behind in blogging.

Part of the reason is that this weekend sees the 14th Garden Event at West Dean. Last year we were royally rained upon – 32mm in the first few hours. I’ve confidently been telling people that we couldn’t possibly have two years in a row like that, but the forecast suggests that I might be wrong. Oh well, at least Sunday looks a bit better, and West Dean is on a shallow soil over gravel, so drains remarkbly quickly.

Anyway, do come along. It will be good – plants, tools, equipment – in fact, pretty much everything garden related, plus a good selection of food and drink. Bring an umbrella to keep you dry and some cash to spend. And your mere presence will cheer me up.

UPDATE: the forecast now says that we should miss the worst of the rain tomorrow during the day (it will be damp, rather than wet, when we are setting-up in the morning). The heaviest rain will pass through overnight tomorrow, so I’m hoping we might just get away with it.

Canon have emailed me today. They’ve invited me to take part in a customer satisfaction survey regarding their online and telephone tech support.

I think I need a day or two to thoroughly consider exactly what form of words to employ. However, your suggestions are, as always, welcome. The comments await you.

I’ve been having problems with nuisance calls on my business line. They call, it rings, I pick up… *click*…. they hang up.

Ho hum. 1471. Telephone number: 0800 389 6818.

A quick Google search reveals that gazillions of people are having the same problem. This is a marketing company and they use a computer to dial zillions of numbers, including mine. It hangs up. You 1471erise the number and call back. They try to sell you something (mobile telephony, broadband, double glazing, whatever) – earning money as they go from their 0800 number (yes, they earn money from that).

But, the good news is that you can stop it. Well, in theory you can. There is a free service called SilentCallGard. You dial a number (0870 444 3969 – or go online), punch in your number and it subscribes you for two years (although the website says 12 months). It blocks all automated calls from these evil phone spammers, although be warned that it only blocks calls from companies that are signed up to its register and membership of the register is not obligatory.

So, we shall see if it works.

On Friday, I finally got a reply out of Canon tech support. They had decided that it was beyond them and that my machine required a service. A number was supplied in order to make an appointment.

Canon outsource their servicing to an organisation called CURA. Dealing with them is, after my experiences with Canon, a revelation. I called the number yesterday. I spoke to a human being. He gave me some instructions by email to reset the printer which I tried – but they didn’t work. They then called me to arrange for an engineer to visit – and I had in mind that I’d have to ship my machine to some servicing depot. The engineer came today and was here for two hours. He tried everything, of that I have no doubt. His conclusion is that the network card on the machine is faulty, so he has ordered a replacement part. Later this afternoon, I had another call to make a new appointment for him to come back and fit the new card – he’ll be coming Tuesday (I was offered an earlier appointment which I couldn’t do and we lose two days for the holiday). The engineer was genuinely sorry that he’d been defeated by the machine.

If only Canon tech support had the same level of service and same approach as these CURA people! If they had, I wouldn’t have got so annoyed with Canon and wouldn’t have bored you rigid with all these posts about my printer. As it is, I’m still not inclined to buy another Canon product because I don’t want to go through all this again. But I’ll be keeping that CURA number safe.

The only thing that isn’t certain is whether the repair will work. All we can do is keep fingers crossed. Inevitably, I will update the story here.

I’ll keep this brief, as I’m sure it isn’t that interesting.

I finally received a reply from Canon on Friday, eight days after submitting my complaint/support request. The reply was clearly a template, telling me that they were sorry that I had a problem and asking me to define the details of the problem "including any error codes" and to ensure that I was using the correct drivers.

No mention of a response to my comments demanding a refund.

So, I hit reply and cut-and-pasted the section from my original email that described the problem whilst adding more complaints about the shoddy level of service, repeating my request for a refund and make a not-so-subtle threat to take the matter to Trading Standards. And guess what? I got an email back telling me that my email could not be dealt with and thanks for trying to contact them.

Rummaging through the fine print at the bottom of the email, I found a link to a webpage where I could submit my reply using a form. Which I duly did on Friday afternoon. Monday night, still no reply.

So, Canon, why can’t I reply to your email request for more information by the simple step of hitting "reply" on my mail client? And why can’t you reply quickly?

I’d seethe, but I can barely bother.

Me and printers. It’s just a never-ending tale of woe, lately.

Given the total failure of my new Canon machine (no, still no word from Canon support), I pulled my old Hewlett Packard machine out (it hasn’t yet been sold/FreeCycled) so that I could print some urgent and vital colour documents. The fact that I’ll also have to get out my old laptop to do this is an aside.

Upon putting it back on the shelf and powering up, the printer began its normal initialisation sequence. However, this didn’t seem to go normally and resulted in a rather unpleasant grinding noise from under the cover. Not good. A quick look revealed that the scan head was moving all the way to the right and banging against the casing of the machine. Repeatedly. It only stopped when it over-heated and cut out. Hmm.

A quick look at the HP support pages (which are generally pretty good) revealed that this can occur if the lamp is not reaching its correct operating temperature or is not bright enough. They give a set of possible causes, mostly related to the power supply. Well, since the machine is plugged in in exactly the same way that it has been for the last five years, I wasn’t convinced, but I checked anyway. Nothing doing.

So, as usual, Google is your friend and I found my way to this site. The problem with this sort of site is that you have to work your way through lots of discussion in order to extract a workable solution. Essentially, what was happening was that the scan head was looking for its zero-position marker and not finding it. This marker takes the form of a white strip on the underside of the glass, just to the right of the visible section. So, in order to assist others, here is a clear point-by-point method to fix the problem:

• disconnect the printer from the mains and USB.
• using a small screw driver, pry off the control panel cover from the end nearest the LCD display.
• using the screw driver, depress the tab found in the square hole (centre front) under the panel and slide the panel forward to remove it.
• unplug the ribbon cable from the circuit board on the underside of the control panel, making a note of its orientation as you do so (so you know which way to plug it back in later!)
• remove the two star screws exposed by the panel removal (one at the front, one right rear) and the screw near the rear left corner of the printer. (This third screw is described as being at the rear right on fixyourownprinter.com, which set me hunting around for something that wasn’t there for five minutes. Also, if you don’t have a star screw driver, a small flat screw driver might just work. Otherwise, head for your nearest electrical specialist for the correct tool – I got one for £1.26).
• look through the glass with a torch at the center front of the printer and you will see a U-shaped tab sticking down from the top cover that engages a projection on the main cover. Using a thin blade inserted between the covers (I used a very small screw driver which marked the case a bit, but I’m not that bothered), push the U-shaped piece gently towards the rear and carefully lift off the cover complete with the glass.
• you can separate the lid from the glass assembly by simply popping the hinges out (obvious when you look at it).
• carefully clean the glass on both sides, paying particular attention to the white strip. Yes, I know that it looks clean, but clean it anyway. Mine had a thin greasy residue across the entire underside surface which came away nicely using those tissue computer screen wipes.
• VERY carefully, using a cotton bud, clean the mirror that is underneath the lamp in the scan head assembly. Some users of fixyourownprinter.com said that they used an alcohol solution to do this, but I just used two clean dry cotton buds. Be very careful, as that lamp would be expensive to replace and is fragile.
• now to reassemble: place the glass assembly back on the printer, taking care to feed the ribbon cable back through the slot that it goes through.
• reconnect the ribbon cable to the circuit board on the control panel.
• now test that the printer works. Reconnect the mains (not USB yet) and switch on. Hopefully, it will initialize correctly. If it doesn’t, disconnect the mains, remove the ribbon cable and control panel, lift the glass assembly off and have another go at cleaning – you missed something and might need to use alcohol to get it really clean.
• assuming your initialization went well, turn the machine off and disconnect the mains again (better safe than sorry).
• replace the three star screws, taking care not to over-tighten (I actually haven’t tightened mine all the way in order to facilitate any future removal).
• replace the lid (the hinges just pop back in).
• replace the control panel by pushing it towards the back (taking care not to catch that ribbon cable).
• replace the control panel cover by inserting the front tabs first and then pushing down at the back (you may need to use a screw driver to gently help the tabs on their way).
• reconnect the mains and USB and you’re ready to go.

I shouldn’t be surprised if this trick doesn’t work for other scanners and all-in-one machines, although of course the assembly/reassembly will be different for every machine. However, it seems from fixyourownprinter.com that these instructions hold true for several models of HP machine.

Whatever you say about Canon and Canon products and services, taking a week to not answer an email of complaint/support request is indefensible. I sent my email last Thursday. So far, I’ve had nothing more than an automated "we’ve had your email, here’s a reference number" response.

The impression I’ve received so far from Canon is that any problem with their product must be the result of something I’ve done wrong or a problem with another (third party) piece of hardware/software that I’ve installed. The possibility that the problem could be with their product or software does not seem to have occurred to them or even be part of their psyche.

Furthermore, surely if a customer has a problem (and thinking about what I was taught in college by the CIM), the first thing you do is bend over backwards to help your client in order to retain that customer and turn them into a corporate ambassador (people tend to remember problems that were solved quickly and helpfully more than things that went right in the first place) and also to identify a potential product fault and rectify it in a future product revision (perhaps by issuing a software/firmware patch in this case, or at least by giving support staff information to help them identify a similar problem with another customer).

But this doesn’t seem to be part of the Canon culture, based on my experience from the three tech support people that I’ve spoken to and my use of tech support areas of their website.

And it is this, even more than the failure of the product itself, that irks me.

I have some simple advice for you. Don’t ever, ever, ever buy a Canon product. This evening, I have fired off this missive. To say that I’m furious would be an understatement:

I’ll let you know what they say. Don’t hold your breath, though.

Man From Canon eventually called me last Thursday afternoon. All well and good, except I was at a trade show in Angers, France. Even though I politely explained that I was 500 miles from my non-functioning multifunction, he still tried to talk me through the problem. I politely explained that my WLAN doesn’t have that sort of range and it was very difficult to resolve an issue in a noisy exhibition hall whilst propped against a window balancing notebook, pen, mobile, laptop bag and a collection of brochures. We agreed that he should call me yesterday when I was back in the office.

On reviewing my emails yesterday, I noticed one from Man From Canon. It told me that he would be out of the office until Thursday but had asked a colleague to call. He also offered a possible solution to the problem. Unfortunately, the "solution" was simply another walkthrough of the same steps that we had been over before. For the sake of completeness, I went through it one more time with the same eventual outcome. I emailed a reply to this effect stating clearly what the problem was/is and saying that I was looking forward to a new call and some new ideas.

This morning, he called. Strange, considering he was supposed to be out of the office. Essentially, he told me that, since my multifunction functions just fine on my old XP laptop, it clearly wasn’t a hardware problem. And Canon were satisfied that there was nothing wrong with their driver. And that the problem must be with my laptop hardware – a USB port driver problem, perhaps. So I should call Dell.

What crap. We’ve established that the USB port is functioning correctly and that the issue is that the Canon driver installation software does not complete its process fully.

So, using my not-particularly-extensive knowledge of computing, I’ve got the machine working on my XP laptop via USB and via WLAN to both print and scan. I have then succeeding in reinstalling it on my Vista laptop so that it wil print via the WLAN, although there is no communication via USB and no scanning functionality at all. Thankfully, I use my machine 95% of the time for printing. But for that 5% of the time when I’m scanning, I’ll need to power up the old XP machine, scan the document and then transfer the file to my Vista laptop by email or using a memory stick.

Verdict: the Canon PIXMA MP600R is not a good machine for use with Windows Vista. Canon tech support leaves much to be desired, both online (due to assumed knowledge) and by telephone (whether overseas or in this country – they only seem capable of dealing with known issues and then can only walkthrough the normal setup and installation procedures). In short, I won’t be buying another Canon product and wish I’d forked out the extra cash for the HP C7280.

I finally got through to Canon support and went through the usual re-installation on drivers, checking of settings, etc. I spoke with them twice before, eventually, they upgraded my complaint so that it would be dealt with within the UK and not in Bombay (I’m not opposed to outsourcing per se, but I generally feel that you get a better response from someone in your own timezone and not from somoeone sat at their desk at 2am local time).

On Friday afternoon, a Canon tech person called me and we went through the problem. Unfortunately, I could only spend about 45 minutes with them, as I had to get a train to The Smoke to meet with a bunch of weirdos in a pub. We walked through uninstallation and reinstallation, twice, without success. We also verified that everything was working properly. We left it that he would call me back today (as of 3.30pm, the phone remains silent) after he had investigated the problem further at Canon Tech Guy HQ UK. But his last words were "nope, I’ve not come across that problem before", which did not fill me with optimism.

The current situation is this – I can install my new Canon MP600R multifunction on my old XP laptop with the supplied driver and get them talking to each other via USB or via WLAN, both to print and to scan, which is lovely. I can install the downloadable Vista driver (from the Canon website) on my new Vista laptop and get the laptop and multifunction working with the printer driver over WLAN only, not via USB (I have to use the Add Printer function in Control Panel because there is no USB functionality)- and the scanner driver works not at all. I’ve checked the obvious – the USB port is functioning and I have used the same cable that I used for the XP machine, so I know that is ok. Am I missing something?

So, I’ve taken delivery of a shiny new Canon PIXMA MP600R because my old HP multifunction is no longer supported and has no Vista drivers. The Canon does not come with Vista drivers included, but a full set are available from the Canon website. I checked before I ordered, just to be sure.

So, will someone please explain why I have been sat here for four hours trying to get this thing to work? And why, when I call Canon, if I select any option on the menu that would allow me to speak to a human being, I get cut off?

Not Tom, but my business, which celebrates its fifth birthday today.

I’ve certainly come a long way in five years, although some would argue that I’ve not come far enough. It’s taken a long time to get off the ground, much longer than expected, but it is going in the right direction. When I go to trade shows now, I don’t have to work hard to try and get appointments or persuade people to be interested in what I do – in fact, there is generally a good number of people who want to see me and discuss what I do. Now all I have to do is make some money.

Anyway, Hels and I are going out for dinner at the weekend, so I suspect we might have a beer to celebrate the birthday.

I’ve been accepted as a full member, sorry, Member of the Chartered Institute of Marketing. Which now means that I’m an MCIM, not ACIM.

I’ll not be rushing out to have my business cards changed.

A few days ago, I linked (via del.icio.us) this post about laptop cases and bags. I then spent literally days trawling back and forth through the list of links that it contains, as well as several that it doesn’t.

I had originally said that I would prefer to get a backpack-style bag for my new laptop. However, having pondered it a little more and looked at the available options, I decided to explore messenger-style bags instead. The reason for this is that I wanted something that looked quite stylish, that would be comfortable and that would be easy to use “on the hoof”. I spend a fair bit of time at trade shows and exhibitions – it’s difficult to talk to someone whilst standing or walking and reach into a backpack to find a notepad, business card, brochure or whatever. A messenger style bag seems to overcome this.

In the end I came up with a shortlist of four.

• Kensington Contour Terrain Notebook Messenger. Actually ticks all the functionality boxes but it’s just too widely available and not really “down wiv da kidz” enough. It has been given some really good recommendations though, so might be worth investigating if you want a bag in a hurry and want something you could pick up in a local pc store.
• The Dreadful Embarrassment by Crumpler. Evidently, all the cool kids have bags by Crumpler, although a few bag purists now say that they are (to quote one that I read) “mass produced crap”. Checking out the spec did suggest that this would fulfil most of the requirements listed above (including holding my 15.4″ laptop and the sundry crap the I lug around) and the build quality seemed quite robust according to most reviewers. But the lack of a handle on the top of the bag (meaning you always have to wear it over your shoulder and can’t convert it to a hand carried bag for crowded environments, such as trains, planes and narrow doorways) and the fact that *all* the cool kids have one already rather put me off.
• A Freitag messenger bag coupled with a suitable sleeve (probably the highly-acclaimed Waterfield). Oh god, these are unspeakably cool. I liked these because they were utterly individual (each and every bag is unique) and because they are made of recycled materials, namely old car seat belts, bicycle inner-tubes and the tarpaulins from the side of lorry trailers. I particularly loved the F-Cut concept where you could design your own bespoke bag from whatever lorry tarpaulin they currently have in stock. Incredible. But they somehow seem just too cool and not really suitable for a business environment. The price was also a factor. So, yes, Hels talked me out of this. Maybe if I was a cool kid in the city, this would be great. But I’m not that cool, I’m not a kid and the burghers of Ruralville wouldn’t really *get* it.
• The Spire Endo. Not the bag that every kid has. Insanely practical. Smart styling. Has that important grab handle. Gets rave reviews for build quality and comfort. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Be warned though – UK distributors (the very few that there are) are still only offering the 2007 edition of this bag. If you want the 2008 version, which I consider to be superior, you must order from the US site and then get delivery within the US to a friend or relative that won’t steal it from you. I needed it quickly for various convoluted reasons and my preferred choice of black was out of stock, so I’ve gone for the blue with black piping. I had it sent on to a colleague in California who has arranged for it to be shipped (in with a consignment of plants, hence the hurry!) to me here. All things being equal, it (and the plants) will be ready for me to collect at Heathrow on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Customer service is excellent (I had a problem getting their server to process my credit card, but it was all dealt with quickly) and they ship via UPS who I have always found to be reliable.

When the bag arrives, I’ll give you a full review. It’s going to have a baptism of fire as I’m off to Germany later this week for the biggest trade show in the business.

Well, I can’t say things are running smoothly at the moment.

The good news:

• It turned up in a timely fashion
• It is as speciified
• My MS Office Pro 2007 also turned up promptly, reduced by £150 for having a smashed case (the innards are licence sticker are all intact)
• It’s all very pretty
• I’ve transferred all my Office files from the old machine to the new one, albeit with a bit of poking about.

Now the bad news:

• Re-installing all the software is going to take ages. Why Vista comes with a package that only transfers files and settings and not the actual program files, I do not know.
• My new computer refuses stubbornly to talk to my HP LaserJet 1150. My HP PSC 2110 it has no problems with (at least with printing, I’ve not tried scanning yet). I haven’t tried to get them to talk wirelessly yet – one thing at a time.

Expect more updates on this as I go along.

UPDATE

I now have the laptop successfully talking to both printers via the wireless network and it only took me three and half hours to achieve. Here are the solutions I employed (neither of which are described in official documentation):

• To get the HP LaserJet 1150 to talk to the laptop via a USB cable (which is a prerequisite of getting them to talk to each other via the wireless network) I located file INFCACHE.1 in C:\windows\inf.
  Then right click, select Properties->Security->Edit and give your account full control.
  Delete INFCACHE.1 (or rename it INFCACHE.1.BAK if you are nervous about doing that sort of thing).
  Reboot your PC (as one forum contributor commented, surely Vista was supposed to have put an end to this sort of thing?).
  Plug in your printer and Bob’s your mum’s brother. This solution came from the Microsoft forums.
• To get the printers working over the wireless network (assuming your laptop is already talking to your router) via a Belkin F1UP0001 wireless USB printer hub, I used a combination of this document and something I noticed when trawling through the Belkin print server web management tool.
  The first thing you will notice is that the Belkin XP software and drivers do not work with Vista at all and they don’t have an up-to-date driver on their site. Consequently, there will be no port available for your printer.
  Once you’ve installed your printers via USB, go to Control Panel and open the printer folder for your printer.
  Right click on your printer (the one that is Printer 1 on your print server) and select Run As Administrator->Properties.
  Select the Ports->Add Port.
  Ensure that “Standard TCP/IP Port” is selected and then click New Port->Next.
  Enter the IP address of your F1UP0001 in the dialogue box and click Next.
  Windows will attempt to detect the print server and will fail – this is normal.
  Ensure that “Standard – Generic Network Card” is selected and click Next.
  Windows will then complete the installation. You will notice that your printer has a new port in the list of the available ports and this is the one you should select for your printer.       

  Now repeat this process for the printer that is Printer 2 on your hub. This will create two identical ports. But for this port you must make one additional alteration after you have completed all the above stages.
  Right click on your printer (the one that is Printer 2 on your print server) and select Run As Administrator->Properties.
  Select the Ports tab. Highlight the second port that you created (the one that you allocated to Printer 2) and hit Configure Port. Change the Port Number under Raw Settings to 9101 and save the settings. It turns out that Printer 2 uses a different port to Printer 1.
  Once again, Bob is your relative.

I’ve now got to find out what has happened to my Skype chat archives and get them installed. Skype itself is working and my new PC is happy to talk to my headset.

Still to achieve:

• install AVG, Feedreader, Outlook Express (I’ve always used OE for my private email to keep it completely separate from work stuff), Homesite 5.5, Filezilla, HMRC Employer software, PDFCreator, iTunes, PaintShopPro and GRICdial.
• on the hardware side, I have to see if the laptop will talk to my camera and to the Buffalo DriveStation external harddrive.

FURTHER UPDATE

The transfer of Skype chat history is relatively straight-forward. Just follow the instructions here. The target directory is AppData/Skype.

And who knew that Outlook Express was dead? All hail Windows Mail. The transfer was simple and automatic, although I’d like to have known a bit more about it in advance.

FeedReader wasn’t quite so easy. Thankfully I only have a small number of feeds as I had to migrate them manually. But I’ve consolidated the list a little and taken the opportunity to upgrade to the latest release of FeedReader, which seems much improved.

AVG is waiting on a licence upgrade so that both old and new laptops are covered.

FileZilla also had to have settings migrated manually, but that wasn’t too onerous. This has also seen a signifcant upgrade.

SATURDAY UPDATE

Still working my way through the installation of all the things I like to be just so. This morning I’ve got the del.icio.us toolbar, PDF Creator (although it warns that there are compatibility issues with Vista that are going to be fixed in a future release) and Paint Shop Pro 7, all of which went smoothly. Are we there yet? (Answer: no, but we’re getting there).

SUNDAY UPDATE

I’ve not had so much time to dedicate to this today. My main discovery is that the HP PSC 2110 that I thought had installed wonderfully is only partially supported by Vista. “Advanced features” are not supported. Such advanced features include (wait for it) scanning and printing multiple copies of documents. So it looks like I’m in the market for a new multifunction machine, preferably one that will work wirelessly so that I don’t have to hook up to do scanning. Any suggestions?

MONDAY UPDATE

On the multifunction machine front, I rather like the look of the Canon PIXMA MP600R. Anyone used/using one of these machines?

Meanwhile, I’ve noticed that my LaserJet 1150 will only print multiple copies of anything if the collate function is switched off. I will try and find a workaround for this, but honestly…

(LATER) Easily fixed by going to Control Panel->Printers->LaserJet 1150->Run As Administrator->Properties->Device Properties and when you get there, scroll all the way down and disable both Job Storage and Mopier Mode.

No, I don’t know either, but I read it in a forum and it works. OK?

In the course of my work, I’m expected to have an understanding of the following statement contained in an urgent information release issued today by the Plant Health and Seeds Inspectorate:

SAD? No. Confused? You bet.

Dell Precision M4300 – ordered today.

I’ve taken the good advice given and will purchase Office 2007 elsewhere. I will also shop around for a case, not because I think that Dell cases are expensive (actually, they tend to be rather cheap) but because I want something different, possibly a messenger-style bag. More on that in due course.

For the last eighteen months or so, I’ve been talking about replacing my laptop. I currently use a Dell Inspiron 8500 (Intel Pentium 4m 2.0 GHz processor, 512MB RAM, 40GB HDD, 15.4″ screen, ATI Mobility Radeon 9000 graphics card, DVD/CD-RW, Win XP SP2) which has proven to be a rugged, capable and reliable machine with hardly any issues. However, I am now finding that it struggles to cope when I’m using applications like Outlook, Excel, Word and Skype all at the same time (which I frequently do when talking to colleagues and clients internationally and looking up information at the same time). In addition, in spite of regular housekeeping, the hard drive is worryingly close to capacity. So it is time for a new machine.

As I have only a single laptop which I use for both business and pleasure (it is property of my company, so it is a business tool primarily), it has to be very much a maid-of-all-work. It needs to be of desktop-replacement calibre (I have no desktop) but also needs to be reasonably portable (I take it abroad several times a year and cart it to clients). I also expect it to have a similar lifespan to my current machine which is five years old and is going into “semi-retirement” to become a spare machine for my company in case of disaster and also be available for Hels to use for domestic purposes. I hope the new machine will be my main equipment for at least three years, possibly five years and then become a useful item around the house.

So I’ve thought about what I want and came up with the following list:

• dual core processor, at least 2.2 GHz
• at least 2 GB RAM, preferably more for future-proofing
• a reasonably good graphics card to cope with the domestic side of the remit
• 160 GB hard drive at least, perhaps larger
• 15.4″ screen. I considered 17″ screen machines but I’m not sure I want to lug about something that big 
• 802.11a/b/g/n capability
• bluetooth
• DVD-RW
• secondary battery – not vital, but definitely considered a bonus.

I’ve ummed and arred about the OS and have decided to brave Vista (in the Vista Business flavour), in spite of SP1 not being out yet. I figure that SP1 will be due soon (I had been holding out for it, but can hold out no more) and that will hopefully iron out the bulk of the bugs in the original release.

I also want to upgrade to MS Office 2007 Professional and need a new carry case (probably a backpack type to spare my shoulder a little). The budget is £1700 including all of the above, delivery to my office (or local collection), VAT and three year next-business-day on-site hardware support. This last item is important – the one time my current Dell did fail me, an engineer was with me within 24 hours to fix the problem. As my business relies on this one machine, I value that highly.

Given my good experience with Dell, I have begun my search there. My shortlist currently consists of these four machines:

• Latitude D830 – Intel Duo T7700, nVidia Quatro NVS 140M, 4.0 GB RAM, 160 GB HDD, DVD+/- RW, 802.11 a/g/n, bluetooth, 9 cell main battery, 6 cell secondary, 15.4″ WXGA 1280 x 800 display – £1297 + delivery and VAT, OS, software, warranty and backpack included.
• Vostro 1500 NB – Intel Duo T7500, nVidia GeForce 8600M GT, 4.0 GB RAM, 250 GB HDD, DVD+/- RW, 802.11 a/b/g, bluetooth, 9 cell main battery, no secondary battery, 15.4″ WSXGA+ 1680 x 1050 display – £1297 + delivery and VAT, including all the extras.
• XPS M1530 – Intel Duo T7700, nVidia GeForce 8600M GT, 4.0 GB RAM, 250 GB HDD, DVD+/- RW, no modem, 802.11 a/b/g/n, bluetooth, 9 cell primary battery, no seconary battery, built in camera and fingerprint reader, 15.4″ WXGA 1280 x 800 display – £1523 + delivery and VAT, including all the extras. Over budget.
• Precision M4300 – Intel Duo T7700, nVidia Quatro FX 360M, 4.0 GB RAM, 160 GB HDD, DVD +/- RW, 802.11 a/g/n, bluetooth, 9 cell primary battery, 6 cell seconary battery, 15.4″ WSXGA+ 1680 x 1050 display – £1367 + delivery and VAT including all the extras.

I’ve also had a quick look at other ranges. The Lenovo ThinkPad T61 is nice, but too costly. The Sony BX range looks good, but only takes up to 2GB RAM. Fujitsu have some nice offerings. Neither the Fujitsu or Sony offerings come with extended NBD on-site warranty.

Any comments or suggestions? I’m currently tending to favour the Precision machine, although the graphics card is not a strong point. I hear that the 9 cell battery sticks out the side of the Vostro and looks odd and that the whole machine is glossy black and gets grubby (I need to look fairly smart). And, no, I’ll not be buying a Mac.

Yes, once again we come around to the annual grayblog end-of-the-year introspection. I know you’ve been looking forward to this for at least, oooo, twelve months?

Firstly, let’s look back and get the resolutions thing out of the way. At the end of 2006 (the archives are over there, on the right), I said I’d carry on improving the things that I had starting improving in 2006. But who has time for that? The garden isn’t finished, I haven’t done enough exercise and the writings here have become ever more sparse as the year has gone on.

So, do resolutions have any value if they are so easily broken/ignored? Comments welcome on that subject. And, given my obvious feelings on the value of resolutions, you can set as much store as you feel is appropriate in the following:

• to write here more frequently (not too hard)
• to take more exercise (we now have bikes which spend far too much time locked away)
• to keep my office in a more tidy condition (also not hard)

What else can be said about 2007? Well, at a professional level, things have generally improved through the year. I don’t think it’s a huge secret that I wasn’t terribly optimistic about the prospects for my business late in 2006 and was feeling pretty demoralized. Things have improved markedly since then and whilst it is still tough going, the light is clearly visible at the end of the tunnel and, if all goes to plan in 2008, I might be able to talk about my business and the “P-word”* in the same sentence without laughter. To a large degree, I’ve been carried along by the faith shown in me and my business by others around me – my backers and my clients. Even my bank has been supportive (although I’ve yet to ask them to dip their corporate hand into their corporate pockets for me, and hopefully won’t need to). The one person who keeps me from believing too much of what they say has been Hels, who frequently questions me and challenges me to test what I’m doing and show that things truly are going the right way. That is a good thing and has encouraged me to look hard at the business and the direction that it is going in. And I’m happy with it right now.

2007 has also seen us seriously (VERY seriously) looking at emigration to the Netherlands (or possibly just inside the Belgian border). Ultimately this plan has been shelved – we have decided to stay close to friends and family. We also can’t really afford it at this stage – if my business was making more money and we hadn’t been so crippled by not selling Hels’s flat for so long, then maybe it would have been different. Note that I say that the plan is shelved, not abandoned. It’s something that we will keep at the back of our minds and may return to in the future. And our love for Maastricht is undimmed, as you might have guessed from the number of Dutch-related del.icio.us links that I post.

The year has seen its usual bunch of travelling, this time including trips to the Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, France, Italy and Poland. I didn’t get to a few destinations that I had in mind for lack of time and resources, but the opportunity is not lost, merely deferred. I do promise to stick some photos on here somewhen of some of the places that I/we have been to this year – feel free to nag me to keep to that promise. Highlights of this year’s travel for me included:

• San Pellegrino in Alpe, Italy – breath-takingly beautiful and wonderfully peaceful (although I suspect it might be busier in high season)
• Hamburg, Germany – drinking cocktails whilst standing in the rain on the morning of my birthday
• Warnemünde, Germany – bobbing about in a launch on the Warnow river with Hels and Tom
• Kanne, Belgium – getting the “I could live here – this just might work” feeling
• A12, Netherlands – driving from Gouda towards Zoetermeer and marvelling at the sodium-lamp orange mist with enormous wind turbines looming darkly out of the gloaming and wishing my camera was handy
• Tiercé, France – having possibly the best cheese board I’ve ever had or am ever likely to have in “Sarkozy’s restaurant”
• Przydworzyce, Poland – driving through the woods and seeing locals who had gathered mushrooms offering them for sale at the roadside, often only a single punnet-full

Travel plans for 2008 are subject to change, but look likely to include Germany, France, Belgium, the Netherlands (no surprise there), Switzerland (2008′s first for me – 2007′s was Poland) and Italy. Maybe Spain. And maybe Ireland and Poland. Too many places to go to, for both business and pleasure, and too little time and money to do them all.

Of course, the true highlight of 2007 has been watching Tom growing up. He is fantastic, a life-changing element of existence. He continually amazes and surprises us. It’s impossible to feel down when he’s around. I’m looking forward to more in 2008. And more of married life with Hels, but I’m going to stop on the emotional family gushing now before your keyboard gets covered in vomit.

What do I think 2008 will bring? Goodness knows. If there is one thing that I’ve learnt, it is that you can never tell what the future will bring. I think politics and the economy will both be fascinating in 2008 (and might finally push crappy nonsense “entertainment” out of the headlines a little) although the ride might be a bit bumpy. My business will increase in strength and stature. Family life should continue to be splendid, particularly as we have settled on our home here for the time-being and should have fewer disturbances to routine (famous last words). And I might knock-up a decent duck à l’orange or two.

Thanks to the regular readers who keep coming back here – I know there must be at least half a dozen of you still braving the digital elements to come here. Happy, peaceful and prosperous New Year to you all.

I can’t decide if LinkedIn is useful or not. I was introduced to it about a year ago by my lawyer who has lots of connections to colleagues and clients on his profile. But I’ve yet to discover anyone that I know from my own industry that uses it.

The trouble is, I’m not sure that the point of LinkedIn is to find people that you already know. Finding people you don’t know and being found by others have to be the two biggest advantages that it might have. But it would help to achieve a more credible appearance on LinkedIn if, by knowing a few people already, you could establish a network of connections and not look like a sad loner with just one linked profile.

Do you use LinkedIn? Do you think it is useful? You’ll find me if you search for my real name and know what I do for a living (I’m not linked as Graybo and nor is this blog linked).

Just to keep Matt The Bakiwop happy, here is a genuine update:

• I’m working like a mad thing at the moment. I haven’t even had time to update my work weblog, which is bad. Work is generally busy in a good way, though, so things are quite good. Just don’t mention the Germans.
• We’ve been travelling a bit lately and I owe readers some photos from recent trips. So far this year we have been to Angers/Nantes, Utrecht/Maastricht/Aachen/Namur, Hamburg/Rostock and I made a solo trip to Vlaardingen/Aalsmeer. There have also been a few UK-based days out and there are some photos from those too. When time permits, I’ll upload some.
• On the domestic front, I’ve been working on developing the front garden (although progress has been in fits and starts and has stalled again lately – I need to get the footings out for the retaining wall, but time constraints and the weather both conspire against me) as well as getting the side and back gardens looking good – I’ll try and sort out photos of that too.
• I bought Hels a bike for her birthday and this has spurred me to sort out getting my bike restored after having left it in a shed for six years following the spectacular failure of the derailleur whilst bombing along the Avenue de Chartres in Chichester in 2000. Following a suggestion from Kate, I’ve taken it to Baker Street Bikes in Brighton for restoration and should get it back on Wednesday. All I’ll need then is to add a child seat for Tom and we’ll then be able to go out on family cycle trips (although bike mounts for the roof bars on the car would be good and I think I’d like to have the chance to dump the child seat so that I can get a few miles in on my own terms too).
• We’ve started doing a bit more work to the house – currently, we’re remodelling the bathroom. Not a major change, just new paint, new taps and a new shower screen. We’re also eyeing the conservatory combine harvester (shhh, don’t tell Dave), which needs some major work – we’ve spied a couple of rotten timbers, which isn’t good. Repainting of the kitchen is also scheduled in for “somewhen”.
• Tom has taken to refusing to go to sleep in the evening. We’ve just had him up for a 9.30pm snack, which he took whilst lounging in front of the telly in the living room – he has the makings of a good couch potato.
• Finally, it’s the Garden and Art Event at West Dean, near Chichester, this coming weekend. I organise it. I’m seriously hoping that the weather improves considerably between now and then.

More updates. Soon. I promise.

An EU study says that businesses are losing thousands of euro of business due to poor language skills. Not surprising, really, although I have to say that I’ve found it to be exceptional that a business I’ve dealt with has not had a fluent English speaker (and I’ve dealt with thirteen of the 27 nations), except in Spain which seemed stuck in the dark ages when I visited last year. Having said that, it is presumptuous and perhaps short-sighted of UK-based businesses to rely on the superior education systems that exist elsewhere and that give most Europeans educated in the last twenty years at least a basic grasp of English.

I think I’ve made clear here in previous writings about the arrangement of my work facilities. My office is a converted summer house that stands in the garden of our home – and, on a sunny day like this, with a view out of the window of the plants that are starting to do spring things, it isn’t a bad place to be.

I hook up to the Webternet via an 802.11b/g wireless connection. The router sits near the phone socket which is in the conservatory, roughly 25 feet from the Global Headquarters. As I’ve mentioned before, the signal sometimes degrades (we have evil cordless phones, microwave oven and wireless doorbell in the house – all of which could be causing interference) and occasionally drops completely, particularly during wet weather (the summer house is of timber construction and, in spite of a water-repellant coating, the boards do get wet). I’ve added an external antenna to the router so that it is in an elevated position (dangling attractively from a light fitting) which has helped but not solved the problem.

I’m getting a bit fed up with the signal dropping out or degrading – it only ever seems to happen at the most inconvenient moment (when I’m using Skype or printing a big document – such is life), so I’m considering a physical connection between the router and the Global Headquarters. I don’t think it would be too difficult to run a cable from there to here – I can take it through the cat flap housing to get into the conservatory, route it around the edges of the decking so that it isn’t a trip hazard and easily make a small hole in the wall of the HQ to get it into here without using the same duct as the power supply cable.

The question is this: what sort of cable should I use? I’m not an expert on this sort of thing. I’ve seen standard Cat5 cable and also cable rated for outdoor use. I’ve also seen fibre-optic cable. Will these cables resist being in an environment exposed to sun, wind and rain? Can these cables be easily routed (there may be a few 90° turns)? How easy is it to put the connectors on the end of these cables?

Anybody got any experience of this sort of thing? Or should I just look at further uprating my wireless network?

I understand that following some of the links that I’ve posted recently on this site, people are wondering what is going on in our lives. So I’d like to clear up a few things.

• yes, we’re thinking about moving.
• no, we will not be moving for some time, at least two years.
• yes, we are looking at the Netherlands. Why? Because houses are considerably cheaper there and we want to reduce the amount of our income that we spend on our mortgage each month. In addition, a lot of my work is in the Netherlands (at least as much as is in the UK), we like it there and it was recently ranked the best industrialized nation in which to bring up a child by the UN (compared to the UK which was ranked the worst nation).
• BUT, it is not a certainty that we will move there. At the moment, we are deeply involved in research which includes:

1. working out where to live
2. deciding what we can afford
3. looking at what mortgage we could get
4. investigating employment options for Hels
5. sussing out education and childcare facilities
6. language, running a business, mortgage system, property law, tax system – everything! There are lots of hidden factors to consider.

• IF we go there, then we would rent for at least one year to test the water – and if it didn’t work out, we could move back to England or to another place.
• we are also investigating other alternatives – in every town we visit, in the UK and abroad, we always look through estate agent windows, partly out of unbridled noseyness and curiosity and partly out of serious research to see what property we could afford if we moved to that area. So far our research has shown that moving within the south east of England would not improve our lot – either we’d still have a vast mortgage or we’d be in Ramsgate.
• in any case, whatever we decide, we have a whole bunch of factors to consider. These include but are not limited to (and in no particular order):

1. Tom – particularly the environment and education/childcare
2. us – we want a nice house in a relatively green neighbourhood (i.e. not a concrete neighbourhood) with a little garden and enough room for us to not be under each other’s feet
3. work – both for me and for Hels as, without work that we enjoy and which pays reasonably, our life would be poorer in terms of quality or money or both
4. family – we are close to both sides of the family and we want to be somewhere that is relatively easy for them to access, including by public transport
5. cats – they’re important too! So no main road homes for us and always at least a little garden, even if/when we rent.

So you see that nothing is certain. Well, almost nothing. The only thing that is certain is that the current fixed rate period on our mortgage expires on 31 December 2008, which is why there is a window of opportunity for moving around that time and into early 2009 (if we move before then, we have to pay a heavy penalty to our lender when we redeem the mortgage) – and we don’t want to leave it much later than that as we want to get Tom settled in a new home before he starts school. The reason for moving is also fairly certain - we want to move in order to achieve either a reduction in our mortgage liability and/or an increase in our living space.

Even the “when” is not guaranteed. As we all know, events have a habit of overtaking one’s plans, so we have no idea what might happen over the next two years. I think the only thing that is likely to remain constant is the “why”. The “what”, “where” and even the “how” are all still to be decided.

At the moment, the mission is research. And with a life-change of this magnitude, I think anyone would agree that we need to be thorough and use all the time available to our advantage.

You know you’ve hit the big time when you make it on to the UK Plant Health Interception and Outbreak Chart. That’s me at the bottom of page three, due to an official in California doing his paperwork incorrectly.

All I need to do now is start handling dead turkeys and then I’ll hit the international media scene.

• Tom was one yesterday – it’s been both the longest and fastest year of my life (and Hels’s too, I think it is fair to say - and, by definition, Tom’s). We celebrated with cake, balloons and a trip to a farm. There shall be further celebrations at the weekend.
• We had snow last night. Up to six inches of the stuff is forecast to fall tonight. That should make for an interesting commute for Hels in the morning. Tom was non-plussed when I introduced him to the stuff this morning. His face simply said: "cold. wet. yuk."
• I’m in Germany at the moment for an enormous trade event. I’ve just had dinner in the hotel restaurant, which was eye-wateringly expensive. At the next table was Michael Heseltine. He was not wearing a loin cloth.
• I really need to update this site more often. Sorry.
• This site and my email (including work email) have been down for most of the day due to problems at 34SP. Apparently, the aircon failed causing the servers to overheat. I couldn’t help thinking that, on the coldest day of the winter so far, opening the window would soon solve the problem.

Hooray me! This week, I’ve completed and sent off not only my tax return, but also Hels’s.

In addition, I’ve done a shedload of work. Rah!

For some reason, my email is taking ages to come through – the arrival is about two hours behind the actual timestamp. Craaazy 34SP, I suspect.

It’s that time of year again. Last year, I made five resolutions. I have made a good start on the first one, although it is a massive project and has taken much longer than anticipated, not least due to distractions of the Tom kind. The second I failed on miserably. The third hasn’t gone too badly, although it has improved of late. The fourth, well let’s not go there, shall we? – only 186 posts this year, including this one – not good enough. And the fifth one I’ve done reasonably well on – I’m certainly a lot happier on that score than I was this time last year.

So, for 2007, I’ll continue the good work where the good work has started. Beyond that, I haven’t really got that much that I feel I particularly want to resolve to do – there is plenty to keep me occupied.

2006 has been a year like none before it, entirely due to the arrival of Tom. He has, as I expected, changed life totally and for the better. In addition, we’ve had a lot of travel (I’ve been to Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Italy, Spain and Hungary this year) and there is more planned for 2007, with trips to Germany, France, Netherlands (naturally), Portugal, Poland, Ireland and Italy on the cards. 2006 has also seen us starting to make new long term plans. We’re not yet sure if they will come to fruition, but the notion of emigrating doesn’t look beyond the realms of plausibility. We’re also much closer to finally sorting out our finances, which has to be a good thing and has implications for all areas of life.

New Year’s Eve this year will be spent with friends, eating and drinking too much whilst (hopefully) Tom sleeps. Then I’ve got to wind myself back up in to work mode after an extended Christmas break – which, when I wasn’t being ill, I’ve enjoyed and was much needed, particularly as I’ve spent nearly the whole break at home with Hels and Tom, undoubtedly a good thing.

Happy New Year to all grayblog readers. Keep coming back if you like this sort of thing.

The Motors. Bless.

Anyway, this post comes to you from the departures lounge at Gatwick’s North Terminal. Not bad considering I should currently be sitting in some nice bar in Budapest, having arrived about two-and-a-half hours ago from Heathrow.

So you can say that it hasn’t been a great day so far. Having left home on time, dropping Tom at his childminder en route, I soon ground to a halt on the M25. I had a rotten time of it on the M25 on Monday, but this was even worse, to such an extent that I stopped the engine and sat reading for 15 minutes. Clearly, it was even less of a great day for the unfortunates in the accident at junction 10, but it meant that it was soon obvious that I was going to miss my flight. Malev have been as helpful as they can be, given that they have no later flight from Heathrow and have got me on the evening flight from Gatwick, but it has cost me £100 (although that includes a compulsory upgrade to business class due to economy being packed to the gunwhales) plus £11 for a two hour trip on the tube and train (I needed to leave my car at Heathrow as my return flight takes me there).

Which brings me to today’s idle thought. How come, as you amble along the Piccadilly Line, you pass Barons Court (no apostrophe), Earl’s Court (Earl who?) and Knightsbridge (all one word)? Any ideas why these names should be constructed differently? And is there a link between the noble places?

Anyway, more nonsense after the weekend, assuming my journey goes ok and there are no riots. In the meantime, check out the cricket and then go along to the food festival at Glynde Place this weekend.

I’m planning to travel to Budapest on Thursday. I think I need to keep an eye on the news in the meantime.

UPDATE: latest news suggests that, whilst there is a large peaceful protest near the government buildings, the violence is quite small scale and can be likened to the "poll tax riots" of the Thatcher years – in other words, mainly confined to one square. I’ve been checking carefully and my hotel is at least two kilometers away from the trouble, so I still intend to travel unless there are significant developments overnight. However, I was planning to take an evening stroll to explore the centre of Budapest, which I may now forego and put off for another occasion.

During the sunrise application period for .eu domain names, I made an application for my company’s name under the rules which permit owners of registered companies to make such applications. The website details a requirement to submit documentary evidence, so I provided a copy of the Certificate of Incorporation, since the application was being made in the company’s name and not in my name as director (hence no requirement to prove ownership). I felt confident that the application would proceed without any problem, particularly as the EURid website suggests that limited companies should have no problem applying.

My application has been rejected, much to my annoyance.

I’ve now read the fine print and am embarrassed that I didn’t do so at the beginning. In addition to the requirement for a copy of something like a Certificate of Incorporation, there is also a requirement for an affadavit to show that such a title as Limited Company is sufficient for the rules for sunrise applications. This seems utterly superfluous to me, as limited companies are clearly included in the list of permitted entities on the website, so one would assume that they wouldn’t need an affadavit! One would also think that they could check records with Companies House and also, by virute of training and experience, get to know what a Certificate of Incorporation looks like!

As a consequence, I have no grounds for appeal (and probably would baulk at paying the EUR 2200 appeal fee anyway) and must wait until my name is released from the sunrise process and make an application under the general release rules.

In general, I am a fan of the European Union but instances such as this do nothing to dispel the reputation that the EU has for being excessively bureaucratic.

A guide for the modern workplace. I actually have enough paper on my desk to start a small fire, but my desk is wooden and my office is also wooden, so this may result in a large office fire.

Oh dear, it seems that I’m getting a reputation in my industry for always knowing where the very best restaurants are in the towns and cities around Europe that are centres for horticulture. Well, I suppose that there are worse things to have a reputation for.

So, note to self and to others – I’d like to publicly recommend Aux Six Régals (no website) as the finest eating establishment that I know in Angers. I’ve just eaten there and to say that the experience was both sublime and good value would be an understatement. The salade périgourdine is possibly one of the best dishes I know anywhere (this isn’t a bad recipe, but not as good as the restaurant’s version).

If you’re lucky, I may come up with a few more tips for other parts of Europe (it’s not a long list really).

This week has included:

• learning that a friend and client is very unwell
• literally dozens of phone conversations with two different sets of lawyers and two different sets of surveyors
• realising that I’ve cocked up my plan to go to a trade show in Poland (note to self: VIII means August, not September – d’oh!)
• dropping a client because he is really not on my wavelength and I can’t be bothered to struggle for what would be a potentially small reward
• getting a very long document from the Borough Council
• not getting a whole bunch of things sorted out that I planned to do this week
• cleaning up purple projectile vomit after Tom had blackberries for tea (he’s fine now, but I’ve got to redecorate a wall)
• having to clean the cat litter tray every day after one or other of them decided that the garden was too cold and wet to use now that the weather has turned.

And that is just what I’ve had to do – Hels has had just as much. 

But there are positive things too:

• Sussex beat Durham in the cricket
• it rained (very good news in this part of the world)
• we caught up with some people in the pub
• it’s Friday
• we’re going on holiday soon
• Tom “pulled” a waitress in the place we went to today for lunch (very funny – you had to be there)

So it’s not all bad. It just feels that way.

Pointless. Useless. Bound to sell shedloads.

In other wireless news, my high gain antenna has boosted the signal in my office from around 48% to about 65% and resulted in only one dropped connection since installation. So I think we can consider it a qualified success.

I’ve recently purchased a new wireless router here – a LinkSys WAG354G – and I’ve been thinking about fitting a high gain antenna (probably the LinkSys HGA7S) as the signal drops about two or three times an hour when I am in my office. The router sits on a shelf in the kitchen and my office is in the summer house, so the signal passes through about ten feet of clear conservatory; then through the window; across around twenty-five feet of garden; through a thin wooden wall and some rockwool insulation; and then a further three feet to my laptop. I currently get between 49% and 61% signal here and transmission speeds between 2.0Mbit/s and 11.0Mbit/s.

I have no experience of using a high gain antenna and all I can find online are endless repetitions of the LinkSys blurb, which naturally espouses the virtues of the device. Have any of you had any experience of using antennas? Would I be better advised to upgrade my 3Com 3CRWE154A72 WiFi card?

UPDATE: I’ve ordered a cheap DabsValue 5dBi antenna to see if it makes a difference. I did get tempted by some very expensive kit that would have permitted me to wander off across four or five fields, park myself and my laptop under a tree and still listen to the live stream of Arrow Jazz FM; but that would have been, well, unnecessary.

Let’s make a list:

• broken router
• broken down car
• tenant in H’s flat has served notice to leave – we’re advised to expect two months without rental income
• car still faulty
• two hours on hold to BT
• uncomfortably hot
• one of my customers is misbehaving and it could, potentially, end in litigation
• mother-in-law melted some of Tom’s bottles (don’t ask)

And it’s only Wednesday.

This post brought to you with the aid of string and sticking plasters, as my broadband connection is currently not working. BT’s problem-reporting call system is worse than useless (being told by an automated voice that, as BT are not my broadand supplier, I should contact the company that supplies my broadband *click* – this in spite of the quaterly invoices that BT send me for broadband provision!) and it took me several attempts to get through to a human being – not impressed.

BT have promised me that they will have an engineer to sort this out within 48 hours of it being reported. I reported it early on Saturday afternoon, so I’m already beginning to wonder if I’ve been forgotten or shoved down the queue. Helpfully, I got a call on Saturday evening to tell me that my telephone is ok – well, I knew that already – and the engineer helpfully told me that broadband was nothing to do with him but there was a broadband fault logged on the line.

So things may be a little quiet around here for a while. It’s all shown up how much I rely on my broadband connection, as my work rate has slowed considerably since the failure (which coincided with a big electrical storm during which I’d unplugged all my kit) and there are a bunch of tasks on my to-do list that I can’t do until the nfault is repaired.

In addition, the exhaust has failed on Hels’s car (which also had a puncture last week), so this is proving to be a troublesome week all-round. Harrumph.

EDIT: it turns out that my router has failed – it’s still working as a wireless router but is failing to work as a modem. This is either related to the storm or to heat damage, I suspect, as it runs very hot indeed. I’ve ordered a new LinkSys piece of kit for dabs.com, which should be here in the next day or two. In the meantime, I’m using a BT-supplied modem, but it means that I’m tied to the phone socket by a cable.

FURTHER EDIT: I’m convinced that the storm caused the problem. I unplugged all my kit from the electricity supply, but left the modem connected to the telephone. Our telephone service comes to us via overhead cable. That’ll learn me.

My poor old laptop. It’s a Dell Inspiron 8500 which I’ve had for three and a half years. It’s been to America, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Italy, Germany and Ireland and is about to go on trips to Hungary, Poland and Spain. It’s been used almost every day. It has been a maid of all work, carrying out business and personal tasks for me and for Hels for the whole of that time. And the poor thing is beginning to show the signs of age.

This week, I’ve noticed that it’s been slowing down a lot. Partly, I’m sure, that is due to heat, as the fan is running a lot and the battery life is consequently diminished. But I also took the time to have a poke about in the innards and found that the hard drive is 94% full. This is clearly not sustainable. So I’ve shunted some of my less-frequently heard music files on to the external hard drive that I use to back everything up (6pm, every Thursday), used the disk cleanup utility and had a defrag. Things are running a little more smoothly now, but it is clear that this computer is not long for this world, certainly not as my main computer (I plan to retire it and give it to Hels to use).

However, I’ve decided that it must struggle on for a little while longer. Having looked at the specification required to run Windows Vista, it seems sensible for me to wait until after the launch of Vista and purchase a new machine then, bundled with the new operating system. It certainly makes no sense to buy a machine now and then have to fork out to upgrade the OS next year.

Of course, what I really need to do is spend some time deleting more crap from the hard drive. There are certainly some photos there that are of no value and could disappear. There are probably some music files too. And I suspect that there are one or two stupid games that I could live without. The problem is that I’m not very well disciplined with my hard drive – I tend to shove everything on it and treat it like a huge dustbin that I can go and rummage in when I need to find something.

So, what shall I do? Change my ways? Or buy a computer with a bigger dustbin?

Anyone know a good currency RSS feed service? What I’m looking for is something that might show live GBP exchange rates with USD, AUD, NZD, ZAR and EUR, as well as EUR against those currencies. Suggest-o.

You need to go to the Garden and Art Event at West Dean this weekend. You do, really.

I’ve really been neglecting you readers lately, haven’t I? Umm, well, sorry. But hey, I’ve been somewhat busy lately:

• Last weekend: up to Stafford with Tom to spend the weekend with Jo and Bob. Excellent time had by all.
• Last weekend and this week: much concern about SiL, who has been really quite unwell. But she seems to be making a steady recovery, which is good.
• Tuesday: an all-day meeting with my New Zealand sub-agent, who is in the country at the moment.
• Wednesday: a day out with H to the Chelsea Flower Show. We dressed in our finest summer clothes and were subjected to repeated heavy showers, with the result that we looked like a pair of muddy drowned rats. But it was worth it. Not sure that it is worth paying £35 a head to get in, though, particularly when you have to sit on the floor to eat your sandwiches and drink your tea because the catering facilities are so inadequate. They were absolutely awful when I last went ten years ago and have only improved marginally.
• Thursday: catching up in the office.
• Friday: to Chichester for a haircut and to distribute publicity materials for my event coming up at West Dean at the end of June.
• Saturday: Charlie and the Peet came for lunch – a thoroughly relaxing and wine-filled event.
• yesterday: up early to go to Heathrow to meet some American colleagues of their plane, collect plants, deliver them to a nursery near my parents and then join my parents for Sunday lunch and some plant talk.
• today: dozy sleeping and much talk of "we really should go for a walk" and "the lawn needs mowing" or "I really must start on the front garden", but it’s chucking down with rain (between burst of intense hot sunshine) – that’s my excuse, anyway.

There are many, many things that I really should find time to write about, but I’m not sure when that will happen. If you’re very lucky, I’ll provide you with some photos, as a picture is worth a thousand words (or several thousand, if your usualy verbage is as poor as that which generally graces these pages).

Quick post:

• thanks to Charlie and The Peet for my excellent Neotropic CD.
• thanks also to the Uborka Two for Winter Chill 2.
• thanks to family for gifts of cash, clothing and olive oil – all appreciated.
• thanks to Hels for Gnarls Barkley, clothing and cake.
• spent Friday at Wakehurst Place – thoroughly enjoyable another opportunity to put the buggy through its paces (it passed with flying colours).
• Friday evening involved a fantastic meal out – if anyone needs a recommendation for a fabulous meal in East Sussex, drop me a line.
• Saturday was spent gardening, painting and erecting trellis for the most part.
• Sunday was spent at Pashley Manor Gardens for the Plant Fair – not one of the best that I’ve had there, but I think some lessons were learned that will lead to changes before August.

I am here – we’ve been away in Ireland for a week, mostly for me to visit clients but also for a short spot of R and R. Ireland is not noted for plentiful WiFi hotspots, so I haven’t been able to update or even browse for the last week.

If you’re very lucky, there may be photos.

Yesterday, my laptop automatically downloaded updates from microsoft.com. I reviewed the updates and installed them all. Nothing unusual there.

But now I have a problem which, prior to that installation, I had never experienced. If I try to open or save any file in any Office application, the file directory window pops-up as normal, but if I click on any folder in that window, the application locks up and I get an “application not responding” error.

I use Office applications about, oooh, 50 times a day. So this is a serious problem. Suggestions? (If anyone says “buy a Mac”, I’ll tear them limb from limb). I’ve reported the error to Microsoft and also requested email support.

EDIT: I’ve performed a system restore back to the restore point created when I booted up yesterday morning, and all now seems to be working correctly. When Windows Update offers up the updates again, I’m going to decline them, I think.

FURTHER EDIT: updates installed, problem solved. Thanks to Mr LMG (see comments).

Well, EURid has put the .eu domain registration process into the LandRush phase. I made my application some weeks ago (on Valentine’s Day, in fact) for a domain for my company under the Sunrise procedures (having a prior right as being a registered limited company under UK law), but have had no acknowledgement and no news. Should I be panicking? I tried to look it up on the EU WHOIS site (which is where the EURid site suggests I should go in order to track my application), but the server that runs that is clearly melting in some office somewhere in Europe. (In this case, it’s Diegem in Belgium – did you know that there is great competition to host EU offices? The French will battle with the Germans and the Spanish and all the other nations to host EU offices – which is why I spend a lot of time in communication with an EU department that resides in a rather grand converted hotel in the French city of Angers. But do you ever hear of British towns and cities battling for these honours? No, because the British tend to be happier sniping at the EU from the sidelines rather than actively getting involved, thereby missing a great opportunity for prestige and employment. Ooops. Ranting. Sorry.)

Meanwhile, north of the border, the avian flu strain H5N1 has been found in a dead swan. The police are reminding citizens to report any dead swan, goose or duck, or any three dead birds in the same place, to DEFRA. What they forget to say is that DEFRA is woefully under-resourced (it’s not health or education, so HMG doesn’t throw money at it), so I forsee a situation very soon wherein the inspection services will be under immense strain (they are already) and will draft in support from every other department within DEFRA. So my local PHSI (Plant Health and Seeds Inspectorate) guys will be sent off to some dingy hotel somewhere, given a crash course in avian flu diagnosis, and sent out to farms. Of course, as plant health guys, they have no jurisdiction and no powers and can’t actually do an awful lot – they won’t even be able to impound birds. Sound implausible to you? Well, it is exactly what happened during foot and mouth a few years ago – PHSI was denuded of staff (they already are terribly under-staffed as it is) who will have to work very long hours achieving not an awful lot.

Whilst all this is going on, Mrs Housewife will stop buying chicken and eggs, spurred by horror stories in the Daily Mail, and agriculture (which is already struggling terribly – oh, sorry, that’s not newsworthy at the moment, is it? – you know, the fact that HMG has promised to pay grants to farmers who have made their business plans on that basis, but have yet to actually deliver money that was due months ago, leaving farmers with huge debts to the banks and no income) will become even more depressed. Gah.

So, this weekend – get a British chicken, have a roast with some British veg. You’ll enjoy it and you’ll help a farmer somewhere (particularly if you go to your local farmers’ market and buy direct).

UPDATE: I managed to get on to the .eu WHOIS, although it is mind-numbingly slow, and it shows my domain name as "application pending". The application and documents have been received, although they are yet to get beyond the "Initial" stage (i.e., the documents are in a filing cabinet and nobody has looked at them). The good news is that I am the only applicant for my requested name. Yay!

What a fruitless day. A large chunk of it was spent trying to track down the correct brake parts for Hels’s car – ultimately I gave up searching the interwebnet and went to my local garage where they, helpfully, assured me that they were as confused as I am and suggested that the best thing to do was to take the old ones off and take them as patterns to a motor factor. Hmm.

After that, I went seeking some transparency film. Call me old-fashioned, call me a luddite, but don’t call me late for tea (very old family joke – sorry). "Why do I want transparency film?" I hear you ask. Well, the answer is that you don’t want it, I do. The reason is that I need to update my slide collection that I use when I’m giving presentations, particularly with new pictures of some of the plants that I look after in my work. But does anyone sell transparency film any more? Nope. Finally, I tracked down a particularly obscure old-fashioned photographic shop in a particularly obscure corner of NearbyTown (which is obscure in itself) and purchased two rolls of Konico-Minolta 100ASA film – not my preferred brand (always been a FujiFilm kind of guy), but given a choice of that or nothing, that will do.

I’ve also purchased a new (25 year old) lens for my (equally old) Olympus OM2N – my current one is not in the best of health and, for the sake of ten quid, the new one might just be better. Of course, the camera is not technically mine, as it really belongs to my brother, but as it has been in my possession for a considerable number of years now and he hasn’t asked for it back, I’m claiming squatter’s rights.

Subsequently, I’ve discovered that the camera had a part-exposed roll of film inside. So I’ve squandered the remaining frames on pictures of plants, of Tom and of the cats (Monty is so much better at posing than Treacle) and dropped it into Boots. I’ll be able to collect it on Saturday and, as I’ve asked for a CD of scans, you might get to see some pictures from it too. Of course, since it must be at least three years old, there is no telling what is on the first 23 frames of film. I suspect that it may well feature ex-girlfriends, which could make it, um, interesting. Hels has already said that she will delight in destroying any such photos as soon as possible. I’ll keep you posted.

Today, I shall mostly be spending getting on for £150 on one of these. But at least I’ll be able to tell you what colour it is.

Apologies if you found this site to be out of action this morning – it was offline for about ten minutes whilst I upgraded to WP2.0.2. I’ve upgraded my work site too. Yay me.

The Inland Revenue have written to me to tell me that they agree with my self-assessment and that they owe me £1.00.

I feel vindicated.

Those of you who know where my work website is will find that it has finally been relaunched, entirely powered by WordPress. I’m pretty pleased with it.

I’m currently redesigning my work website, moving the whole thing across to WordPress and using the Pages feature to generate the non-blog content. So far, it’s been a mostly enjoyable experience, with only the discovery that forms break TinyMCE to spoil the party. I’ll let you know when I launch it.

Meanwhile, I notice that there is a WordPress security update. How tiresome. Guess I’d best get it.

In other news, we had a builder pop round this morning. He actually turned up when he said he would. Amazing.

I’m having an email crisis. Can someone send me a gmail invite please? Thanks.

UPDATE: thanks to Paul R, Pete, Vaughan and Meg – all very quick off the mark. A combination of changing to the Gmail SMTP server and increasing the timeout time on the server, the problem is resolved. Phew.

Travel blogging – written over a period of 8 days and completed on Friday using Cal’s marvellous Noted application – so much more refined than your crappy old Notepad.

Airport ranting! Why do I always ended up seated in departures next to someone who has clearly never caught a plane before?
Him: Oooo, look – they still haven’t put a departure gate up.
Her: No, not yet.
Him: It’s only three days until boarding time. You’d think that they would have it up by now.
Her: Mmmm, yes. There are still a whole bunch of flights above ours on the screen that don’t have gates yet.
Him: Maybe they’re still cleaning the loos.
Her: Mmmmm.
Him: Or the plane hasn’t arrived. I bet that’s it. The plane hasn’t arrived.
Me: SHUT UP!

Reasons why I prefer flying BA from Gatwick:
- they fly from the North Terminal, which is vastly superior and not filled with plebs.
- they give you a better quality seat on the plane.
- you can check in electronically without the need to queue.
- you can choose your own seat without a rugby scrum.
- they give you tea and a sandwich.
So why am I flying EasyJet from South Terminal today, complete with rugby scrum, plebs, crap seats, check-in queue and surcharged tea and sandwiches? Because they’re a darned sight less expensive on this route.

Oh for the love of all that is good in the world, they’re playing Mull of Kintyre of the chuffing PA system and the bloke next to me is singing along. And, no, I don’t care if he looks over my shoulder.

Anyway, I’m off to Venice. Sounds romantic? Not a bit of it. I’m flying slum class into Marco Polo before getting a taxi to Padua, arriving late at night, sleeping over in the hotel and then spending all of tomorrow at a trade show in a less-than-glamorous conference centre, before getting another taxi back in the darkness to Venice and the late slum-class flight to Gatwick, arriving just in time to do the midnight nappy.
Still, it’s the first time I’ve done this event, part of my effort to make up for missing Europe’s biggest show which was straight after the arrival of Tom. So, hopefully, I’ll do some useful business.

Time to board.
EIGHT DAYS LATER:

Well, Padua certainly was worthwhile, if only to get up to speed with the politics of my industry. One of the problems with working in such a small industry (there are no more than twenty businesses doing what I do in the world, half of which are one-man/woman businesses [actually, they're almost all men], and seven or eight of whom are in alliance with each other, including some of the companies that I work with) is that there are almost alwys some political issues to be dealt with. In Padua, I discovered that one of my competitors has been rather over-stepping the mark with regard to one of the products that I manage and then sought to get my permission to do what he was already doing. As I’m generally inclined to work directly rather than through local sub-agents whenever I can, the answer was pretty much always going to be “no” anyway, as one of my other competitors who happened to be there at the same time already knew. But the fact that this guy had already gone where he knew he shouldn’t have already made me less inclined to hear him out. He got a firm “no, no, no” from me. There isn’t anything that he is doing that I can’t do myself, making more money for me and for my breeder clients, but it leaves a messy issue to resolve and a bunch of confused grower clients. (This probably means nothing to most people, but there you go).

As you’ve already seen, I managed to get a brief hour (or just an hour, as hours are neither brief nor long – they’re just hours, sixty minutes) to wander from the convention centre into the city centre in Padua. The outskirts of the city are downright ugly and belie the beauty of the city centre. Certainly, when approached from Venice, all you see are industrial units and smokestacks. Mind you, as you fly into Venice, all you see from the plane is an oil depot – you’d think that someone would think about these things.

The flight home was marked by one of the longest queues for security that I’ve ever endured at an airport; the realisation that whilst Venice airport is a gorgeous building, the catering facilities on offer after security are crap; and a full plane (cramped – another reason not to fly EasyJet) with a groin-scratching smelly Italian as a neighbour. (Let me add that I have nothing against Italians – most of them are very nice – but I don’t like smelly groin-scratchers of any nationality).

After a few days of rest and catch-up back home, on Wednesday of this week in bombed down to Portsmouth to get the late late sailing to Caen for a trip on to Angers for another show. Yes, more lovely surroundings in the Loire valley, viewed from the inside of a conference centre. Meh. At least this time, thanks to my late booking leaving me with only a hotel in Saumur, 30-odd miles away, I had a chance to take the back road alongside the river from the conference centre to my bed, and enjoyed the views. The exhibition itself was useful with almost nothing but good news and positive vibes, including some very flattering comments from one of the largest companies in my industry in Europe. On the downside, I have spent the show wandering around in a zombie-like state, thanks to Tom having a restless night before my departure and then a generous swell at sea on the crossing leaving me pretty much unable to sleep. Once I hit the hay last night after a pretty good meal in a Saumur brasserie, I slept solidly for some time thorugh a phone call and alarm, leaving me rushing around like mad this morning and dashing back to Caen to get the ferry with only minutes to spare. Thank goodness that Hels called me when she did this morning.

The ferry back is only a little less rough, but I’ve managed to locate a power socket so that I can listen to some music and complete this long boring rambling post for you. I only do it because I love you, dear readers! Count yourselves, um, lucky.

Hula girl. 
Originally uploaded by graybo.

I’ve just been to an exhibition in Padua. Here, a company selling plastic garden pools had a stand consisting of one representative, a desk, a sample plastic pool and, bizarrely, a mannequin dressed as a hula girl. No, I don’t know why either.

Olives. 
Originally uploaded by graybo.

You’ve read articles about Italian olive farmers claiming EU subsidies for groves that have already been grubbed up. What you may not know is that there is a whole industry dedicated to putting these ancient trees into very small pots and then selling them at hugely inflated prices to idiotic northern Europeans like you and me. So it’s a win-win for the olive farmer.

Christopher Lloyd, RIP.

For the first time since 1986 (I think – understandably, my memory is a little hazy in this regard), I didn’t go out for New Year’s Eve. Although we had tickets for the cheesey disco at The Pub Next Door, Hels and I are full of a particularly unpleasant cold, so we decided to stay in and in fact retired at 9.30 – ridiculously early. Having said that, I do feel better this morning, so perhaps an early night paid off.

Today we have spent the morning tidying the house in preparation for the arrival of the parents for NYD lunch – a suitably low key way to spend the day.

Of course, you’ll all be expecting a review of the year. Well, here it is:

• trip to Essen
• trip to Angers and Honfleur
• stuff you don’t need to know about
• announcement of the result of the stuff that you don’t need to know about
• trip to Maastricht and Bruges
• trip to Devon
• three other trips to the Netherlands
• other not very exciting stuff

In general, 2005 has been a year of consolidation and was always going to struggle to live up to the excitement of 2004 – but there has been excitement enough for us. Both home life and work life have been successfully consolidated, although we’d like to have more money coming in in both areas. And, thankfully, 2005 has generally not featured much in the way of bad news, certainly not anything that I’m still dwelling on now.

As for 2006, clearly there is one event that is going to dwarf all else. Becoming parents is going to change our lives in ways that we probably have yet to even imagine. I think we are reasonably prepared for what is coming – certainly from a practical point of view, we have pretty much everything under control (all saving the final touches to the nursery).

As for resolutions, I’m not a huge fan of making promises that I know I probably won’t live up to, but here goes anyway:

• finish the garden. This is a major project that could take weeks or months, involving relocating our car parking area and moving large quantities of soil by shovel and wheelbarrow – but it will radically improve the look of our house.
• get some learning done. Not sure what yet – something towards my MCIM or Chartered Marketer status would be good. Perhaps some language learning. I’ve even been thinking about learning shorthand.
• really get on top of business. There have been moments this year where my business has led me and I’ve not been leading the business – clearly that must change, although I think I’m ending the year in a much better position to that which I started it in.
• to update grayblog more regularly, probably with more photos. And hopefully not just of the cats or the baby.
• to take more exercise and lose a little weight. We eat healthily in terms of what we eat, but fall down on how much we eat. Which in itself is not a problem, but when coupled with my increasingly sedentary lifestyle has resulted in a noticeable bulge. This year, the bulge will go and probably by means of increased activity. Doing the garden will help that.

Crumbs. That’s enough for one year!

Anyway, happy new year to all of you who come here regularly and particularly to those who are good enough to comment. Blogging remains good fun, both writing and reading, so I fully expect to still be here in another twelve months. I might even fix the archives!

Meanwhile, go and check out the good news at Uborka.

Last year, my Israeli clients all seemed to make a point of sending me emails on Christmas day, as if to say "Ha! Makes no difference to us!". It’s not a tradition that I wish to see encouraged.
So, having put together our quiz for the family for tomorrow (goodness knows why we have to do this sort of thing – I’d rather eat loads of food and then sit around being bloated than have to entertain people), wrapped all the presents (there were lots – and I only had to do the ones that I’m giving to H, as she has taken care of gifts for everyone else – delegation is the name of the game), stocked up the food and fuel stockpiles in case of unexpected snowdrifts (60% chance of snow on Monday and Tuesday could render Ruralville isolated if the gritters don’t make it out to us on Bank Holidays), we’re now fully prepared for whatever the next few days throws at us.
Expect quiet here for the next few days (though you probably won’t notice much difference from normal) except for automated posting of the quiz here tomorrow (can’t do it today in case the in-laws read it). Whatever you’re celebrating, I hope you have a good time.

Notice that everyone is on their last day at work today? You can tell by the way that they are doing nothing other than sending ecards to everyone in their address book to give them something to do until the Christmas sherry is opened at lunch time (bought from the discount bin at the Co-op, no doubt). So far I’ve had five and, thankfully, only one of them was musical. Mind you, that’s two more than the number of actual cards that I’ve received and one of them wasn’t even made of card!
In other news, go over to Scaryduck and give him a well-deserved HONK. I think I might have to make some sort of New Year’s Resolution about finally getting around to doing something about upgrading my existing crop of post-name letters (from ACIM to MCIM) and adding to them (with the words "Chartered Marketer"). This will mean study and evenings in seminars, but it will be worth it – one of my competitors has the upgraded version of my letterage and I want to be seen to out-do him.
And in yet other news, I see that the WordPress 2.0 will be released on Boxing Day. I feel a festive upgrade coming on, which might resolve the issues with the non-functioning archives and the malfunctioning comments. On the other hand, it might make no difference at all.

Yay! Travel blogging! This time aboard the Stena Discovery, the world’s largest high speed ferry. Today it is notable for being the largest nearly empty high speed ferry, carrying probably not more than forty cars.
I’ve forked out the not unreasonable sum of £11 each way to use the business lounge facilities, with magazines, endless free tea and coffee, extremely comfy seats, power points for laptops (Dutch-style sockets, power adaptor fans!) and, best of all, no children. I’m not sure that I should say that last bit, what with becoming a dad in a few short weeks, but when travelling for work, I like a bit of peace and quiet. Of course, once I’m travelling en famille, then things will be different, I’m sure, and I’ll be frequenting the brightly-coloured kiddies’ area of the ship. One thing that they could do to improve things is to offer WiFi in the lounge – having use of my laptop is great, but having no access to the wacky world wide webnet is a major drawback when so much of my business is conducted by email.
The purpose of this journey is a whistle-stop tour of Dutch clients, existing and potential, just to touch base before I disappear from the scene for a while during the last few weeks of the pregnancy and during my paternity leave. I’m entitled to take two weeks paternity leave and the government gives my company £105 per week towards my pay for those two weeks. As usual with this sort of thing, there is quite a lot of paperwork to complete. Sometime in the next ten days, I must serve a notice on myself notifying myself that I intend to take paternity leave and ensuring that I know that I must pay myself for that time. Then I must tell the Revenue that I’ve served that notice on myself so that they know that I’m going to pay myself for paternity leave and claim that money back against taxes that I’ve deducted from myself. But if the company can get £210 free cash, I don’t mind taking twenty minutes out to fill a few forms.
Woo! Yay! Free snacks! A nice young man has just brought a tray of crudités along with a voucher for a free drink in the restaurant – clearly a sprat to catch a mackerel, but all good stuff for my cunning money-saving plan to survive the trip without actually paying for any nourishment (free drinks, free fruits, free nibbles so far – it’s all going to plan). Oooh! Internet At Sea – wi-fi, hurrah! But boo! It doesn’t work due to "technical problems".
(And before anyone says, I know that these things aren’t free – I’ve paid £11 each way for them – but they are "free at the point of delivery" as HMG would say).
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the Netherlands – this trip will involve visits to places in order of increasing difficulty to spell, starting with Lisse, Hillegom, Hazerswoude Dorp and finishing with ‘s-Hertogenbosch – a place so difficult to spell and say (remember that the Dutch add phlegm to everything) that even the locals shorten it to simply Den Bosch. My business is coming up on its third birthday (February 12th, birthday cake fans!) and in that time I’ve got a much better handle on the whole European market, particularly the notoriously difficult Dutch section – having done my corporate Christmas cards this weekend, I know that I’ve sent more cards to the Netherlands than any other overseas destination.
Occasionally, one of you asks how things are progressing with the business (although it is very occasional these days – feedback has definitely fallen off, as have overall readership numbers, since my posting habits became more sporadic). I’m definitely working much harder these days (hence the lack of time for slacking blogging) although the money is far from flooding in. The problem with working as a plant breeders’ agent is that, if a breeder comes to me with a new plant today, it might be three to five years before I (and the breeder) earn any money from it. Consequently, some of the very first varieties that I started working with are now beginning to bear fruit – one in particular is really beginning to take off worldwide, and will probably become the most popular variety of its type (and credit for that goes to the breeder, not to me – I just facilitate, but I can facilitate as much as I like and not get anywhere if the variety isn’t up to much). But the revenue streams from these varieties are not enough yet to really turn the tide – they do, however, hold out promise that things are improving. If only the general economic situation and market conditions were better – that would definitely help.
But don’t panic. I’m not about to disappear without financial trace just yet.
I’m just seeing what all the fuss is about with this here ferry – for the last 50 minutes, we’ve been trundling along at fairly sedate standard ferry speed. We’ve now got out into open water and they’ve just opened up the throttles on the gas turbines. Now we’re motoring! When the ferry left Harwich, the lifeboat was sailing out of the harbour – we’ve just overtaken it, going considerably faster. Mind you, there’s a massive wake and I wonder how envirnmentally friendly this all is. H and I have been looking at our carbon quotas – we’re almost certainly polluting more than we should, the product of not being very good at turning electrical equipment off (instead of to standby), taking far too many short-haul flights, living in a rural area so using our cars constantly, having fairly inadequate insulation on our home and so on – and so I’m a little more conscious of this sort of thing. Whilst my crossing of the North Sea today probably produces lest carbon emissions than flying, the fact I had to drive for two and half hours to get to the ferry probably negates a lot of the benefit (not train connection could get me to Harwich in time for the sailing, besides I need the car in the Netherlands). As with all things, there is no simple answer.
Actually, the thought that occurs to me is that you could wipe the floor with the discount airlines on this route by using ekranoplans – both fast (as fast as an airliner) and environmentally friendly (or at least less damaging than aircraft). Now that would be fun!
We’re now approaching Hoek van Holland – there are dozens of ships at anchor as we approach the port. I’ve taken a picture of the view along the wake which I’ll add later. A stroll around the ship reveals bored passengers with glazed stares before TV screens blaring classic Eric and Ernie, children parked behind screens showing Tom and Jerry (a few seconds confirms the episode as Ol’ Rocking Chair Tom – yes, I’m a 40s cartoon anorak).
Time to power down and see what bits of the Netherlands are open during Sintaklaus.

Peter Day on Peter Drucker.

In recent days:

• lots of work
• major works in the summer house with the aid of Dad and Tim in order to convert it into my new Global Headquarters – still in progress
• as a side project, major works to improve the shed as a new super deluxe drying room – possibly the only shed for miles that is fully carpeted
• parents, brother and brother’s other half to stay
• wife with a heavy cold
• other boring minutiae that you really don’t want to read

Ok, I’ll admit it – I was beginning to feel guilty for the lack of posting around here. That’ll teach you (or something).

In the last 48 hours, I’ve driven to Falmouth and back and to Heathrow and back. Today I’ve got another 100 mile trip to complete.
I know some people do this sort of thing every day, but I’m shattered.

Oh dear – I’m going to sound like some grumpy old man. Another rant:

I am trying to organise the importation of a consignment of plants from Australia from next week.
In order to do this, I must be registered with the Plant Health and Seeds Inspectorate (part of the Department of the Environment, Farming and Rural Affairs). I’ve always got on well with PHSI – they’re a grotesquely under-funded and under-staffed bunch who try their best to prevent another Colorado Beetle or Dutch Elm Disease type problem from wiping out horticulture, agriculture and our native fauna. Our local inspector in Chichester is a part-time copper and a great laugh.
Anyway, in order to make the application for registration, I need something called a TURN. This stands for Trader Unique Reference Number and is issued by HM Customs and Excise. For most businesses, their TURN is their VAT number plus an additional three zeros on the end.
All well and good if you are already VAT registered, but my business isn’t. So, I need to apply for something called a Pseudo-TURN. This is issued by HMCE to businesses and entities that don’t have a VAT number.
Following so far?
So, I contact HMCE and they kindly put me through to a chap who is responsible for issuing Psuedo-TURNs. I explain the situation and he sends me a form by email straight away. Excellent so far. However, in order to complete the form, I have to tell them the flight details of the plane carrying the inbound consignment as well as something called the Air Way Bill number (or AWB – anyone who has ever had anything to do with international air frieght will know what this is).
The problem is that I don’t have this information. I can’t get a Pseudo-TURN until I get the AWB and flight details. I can’t get the AWB and flight details until I orgainse the consignment. I can’t orgainse the consignment until I’ve registered as an importer. And I can’t register as an importer until I’ve got a Pseudo-TURN.
I explained this to the man at HMCE. Utter intransigence. He simply refuses to budge from their policy and push a couple of bits of paper to issue a number to me and free up the logjam. Thankfully, PHSI, as usual, are completely flexible and have agreed to register me as an importer subject to me supplying them with a Pseudo-TURN as soon as I have it, so we can now get things moving. But the head of importer registration at PHSI in York was, frankly, astonished at HMCE’s reluctance to do this. The whole system was introduced earlier this year in order to make life simpler. It’s failed to do that for me.

Hels has just looked over my shoulder and told me that this is all utterly boring and nobody will want to read it. Probably true, but it’s my site and I don’t care. So nerr.

I order my stationery from the very well-known mail order company that send you catalogues and brochures every ten minutes (top tip: unless you ask them not to send them!). Yesterday, I ordered a pack of 250 self-seal C4 white envelopes with no window. Today, I received 1000 self-seal DL white envelopes with window. They’ve said that they will send me the correct envelopes free-of-charge on Monday and that I can keep the incorrect envelopes.
I never use window envelopes. My normal usage rate of plain DL envelopes is satisfied by purchasing a pack of 50 from the local post office roughly once every six to eight weeks. So, what am I going to do with three-and-a-half years’ supply of envelopes that I wouldn’t normally use?

I’m currently using the trial version of MultiTranse, which looks to be extremely useful, and good value at only $20. The problem is that I don’t speak any of the languages concerned, so have no means of judging the quality of the translations. I don’t expect them to be wonderful, but they might be useful in order to get by. Has anyone else used this program?

I’m off to the Netherlands this afternoon to visit a trade show in Boskoop tomorrow. I’ve got a few meetings lined up with the great and good of European and American horticulture – a real encouragement to find that, after two and a half years of doing this, the biggest companies now make a point of talking to me at these events to see what I have to offer them. When I started out it was more a case of me banging on their doors and saying "hey! talk to me!"
My mum is coming over to keep H company. H is worried about being on her own whilst 18 weeks pregnant. I’m not sure that there is really anything to worry about, as the pregnancy has been running smoothly of late (just the usual tiredness to contend with and the fact that none of Hels’s clothes fit anymore), but if it reassures H then it’s fine by me.
Maybe H needs practical help looking after the cats. We’re cat-sitting for the in-laws at the moment, and it isn’t something that I plan to repeat as she (Kitty, the in-laws’ cat) persistently picks fights with Monty and Treacle who are so soft and mild-mannered that they don’t know what to do (other than be frightened).
I really should mow the lawn before I head to the airport. Nah, it can wait.

More exciting blog entries soon, kids! Blimey, this is getting boring, isn’t it? perhaps it’s time for another one of those long airport rambles?

During the rather pleasant warm and sunny weather that we are experiencing at the moment, my company moves to its summer office – the table in the garden.

I have to shuffle around as the sun (apparently – pedants!) moves across the sky in order to keep the laptop screen in the shade of the canopy so that I can see what I’ve typed, and every now and then I get a cat wandering across my workspace. But these are small prices to pay.

Well, we now know that the replacement heat exchanger, replacement seals and fitting for the boiler will cost us an additional £270, bringing the total bill for this problem to £350. Hmm. And the earliest it will get done is Monday morning, possibly Tuesday if the part does not arrive in time.
So I’m going to focus on the cricket (Sussex are doing well against Gloucestershire) and try not to think about it too much.
In other news, I’m organising one of my plant fairs at Pashley Manor Gardens on Sunday. Please come along – I need to earn some cash to pay the plumber!

Tom Coates on the lack (as he perceives it) of IT start-ups in the UK. I’ve added some thoughts on problems faced by small businesses in the UK, many of which I think are of their own making.

When you look at this logo (which belongs to one of my clients), what do you see?

Expect quiet.
Or seek me in person at this weekend’s Garden Event at West Dean, near Chichester.

One day, I might just have time to write something here when I’m not

• running around to meetings
• travelling around the UK or other bits of Europe
• sorting out the garden (there may be photos, but I don’t think that you believe me on that score any more)
• sorting out boring stuff related to Hels’s flat sale
• trying to catch up with my piled-high in-tray
• sleeping
• doing any one of a million and one other things.

I know I’m not unique in being busy, but it is getting in the way of blogging at the moment.

Very very busy and also likely to be away from my PC for much of this week, so expect quiet.
The plant fair at Pashley was very successful – thanks to everyone who turned up. I got slightly sunburnt, which considering that the original forecast was for rain was quite an achievement.

Taking up BT on their broadband upgrade offer? I have, and now surf twice as fast as I did yesterday – if I was nearer to the exchange, I’d be going twice as fast again.
But, if you do, please note that you need to change from PPPoE to PPPoA. If you don’t, you’ll be sitting looking at your PC all day, wondering why you have no broadband connection. Not that I know anyone who did that, of course.
It would have been useful if BT had alerted users to that in advance.
And I have no idea what PPPoE and PPPoA stand for. Or what it means.

It’s been quiet here lately. I promise that I’ll try to write more soon, as well as post some photos from a few recent outings.
In the meantime, please note that this Sunday sees the twenty-second plant fair at Pashley Manor Gardens to have been organised by yours truly. Your attendance will be appreciated – there will be cake.

Do you use Outlook? Hopeless at backing up? Then use this plugin to automate backups of your Outlook folders. How handy.

.eu domains to be available by year end.
PFE will be applying for one of these, although to be in the first wave, you must hold a trademark or some other intellectual property – a sensible move, I think, to stop cybersquatting. I’ve been thinking about trademarking my company’s name, and now seems to be the time to do that.
There is a FAQ here about the new TLD.
You can find out about EU trademarks here.

*ring ring* *ring ring*

PFE, good afternoon.
Hello, can I speak to…. pppfffft *snigger* *snigger*

*click*

1471 – number withheld. Obviously a slow Friday in some call centre somewhere.

I’ve spent much of the day working on PFE’s accounts for the year ending 31 December 2004, and I’ve achieved quite a lot:

• tallied the entire year’s expenditure records and reconciled them with the bank statements, for transactions in Sterling and in euro (PFE is a dual-currency business – I leave my accountant to reconcile it all into a single financial statement suitable for the tax man and Companies House)
• tallied the additional personal investment made by me in 2004 (not insignificant, it turns out)
• tallied the income records for the year (again, in two currencies)

I’ve still got several things to do, most notably to get my mileage records for 2004 into a format that is suitable for presentation to the powers-that-be (i.e. not scribbled on the back of an envelope) and compile the list of creditors and debtors at year end. In summary, performance is in line with expectations. The turnover is around twice that of the preceding year, and is expected to continue to grow in 2005. Additional revenue streams will come online in the current year and it is projected that PFE will break even in the current year, depending on trading conditions.
Of course, the main thing is that PFE retains the confidence of its principal creditor (me). I expect that the full financial report will be ready by the end of next month when it shall be presented to the AGM of shareholder (note singular).

I’m a week late with this, but I’ve only just heard – Alan Bloom, possibly the greatest perennial plants advocate and enthusiast of the 20th century, has died aged 98.
Alan Bloom was a great influence on me as I came into the horticulture industry. I’ve read most of his books, including the excellent Plantsman’s Progress, which covers not only his background in horticulture, but also his relationships with parents and children, touching on Fenland life. His enthusiasm and passion for perennials, illustrated by the way he developed a large perennial-growing nursery at a time when shrubs and low-maintenance gardens were the fashion, as well as his co-founding of the Hardy Plant Society, were rewarded with an MBE as well as the two highest honours in horticulture – the Veitch Memorial Medal and the Victoria Medal of Honour.
He cut a slightly eccentric figure. His hooped earrings and long flowing hair marked him out as slightly different from most (rather staid) horticulturalists. He had a passion for plants matched only by his passion for steam power (he collected many engines for his museum at Bressingham, Norfolk). He was also a Quaker and, judging by his autobiography, something of a rebel who was not afraid to stand up against the "perceived wisdom". He did much to popularise perennials, both through his media appearances and also through his development of the "island bed" technique of displaying them, and it is probably fair to say that I might not be doing what I am doing today if it had not been for his efforts in this field.
There were to be special open days of his Dell Garden at Bressingham Hall this summer for the HPS. Knowing his great age, I had planned to attend in order to meet the great man before he died. Unfortunately, that opportunity is now lost. Instead, a tribute day will be held there on 21 June to celebrate his life in the garden he created, a garden which features some of the 200 or so plants that he bred and developed. Some of those plants are growing at my parents’ nursery, and I’ll be planting one or two in the garden here.

If I’d been advising the breeder of this new plant, I would probably have advised against selling the rights for £150,000, even though that is a good price. Sales of 30,000 in the UK alone in year one would return royalties in the order of £15,000. Add sales of probably five to ten times that volume in the United States, and the same again in the rest of the world, then, even after paying an agent’s commission, you should reach that asking price in a year or two. And then, after that, you’ll be getting similar royalties continuing for the next twenty years or so. Not bad if you can get it.
The shame, of course, is that I’m not representing this plant. I’ll not be earning that commission. Plants with that sort of market power are very few and far between, coming along perhaps once in ten or twenty years.

Been out all day visiting clients in Norfolk. Driven lots. Tired. But a successful day, nonetheless. More exciting content tomorrow.

BT – crap. Why have I had an invoice sent to my old business address (oh dear, looks like their databse really is as up to date as it is, and no more)? Why have I received a credit for £2.11? What is the Exchange Line Credit Scheme? Why is the invoice marked "copy" when I’ve never seen an original?
Dutchman – idiot. Honestly, expecting me not to act in my principal clients’ best interests? Fool. And he’ll soon learn never to rile a graybo. Mwah ha ha!

BT have sent a letter to my business. It was sent to the old address and relates to the old telephone number, telling me that I am to get an upgrade to my broadband service there from 512kbps to 2Mbps.
So, I call them to see if the database needs to be updated and if I can get the same upgrade at my new premises. And all I got, after ten minutes in a queue, was the telephonic equivalent of a shrug and "I dunno". Not terribly helpful.
Essentially, I’ve been advised that I should get a letter at my new premises in the next week or so. The database, apparently, is up to date, in spite of the letter clearly showing that it isn’t. And I’ll only get to hear about the upgrade once they get to my exchange, as they are doing each in turn.
Sigh.

Update on the neighbour situation from the other day. It seems that everyone is now in agreement on the way forward, so we hope that a quick trip to the pub for beer and curry tonight will patch up any slightly damaged bridges. Which is a good thing.
As for the Dutch guy problem (or Dutch problem guy), he seems to have gone very quiet indeed. And I’m not too worried by that. I think that problem will go away. In fact, in many ways, his ejection of playthings from his perambulator has left me free to make vastly superior new arrangements concerning a couple of products, much to my satisfaction.

What is it with people at the moment? Our neighbours aren’t speaking to us, or so it seems, because we have done something (about which I can not speak here) with the best intentions, and it seems that only the local outcast agrees with us. At this rate, we’ll be outcasts too. Meanwhile, one of my clients called me up this afternoon and we had an absolutely extraordinary half-hour telephone conversation in which we seemed to spend a lot of time going nowhere. He seems incapable of realising that I might be a little annoyed that he has not returned some paperwork for seven months in spite of several reminders and seems to try to put the blame on me. This in spite of the fact that the paperwork is sitting on his desk! And when I pointed out that I would be easily satisfied by means of him putting his signature to the papers and sending them back to me, he proceeded to throw all of his toys out of the pram and have a little tantrum. Most revealing was the point when I said that we appeared to be going around in circles with our conversation and he said "yes, but I am going around them the other way". I think that spoke volumes. But then he is Dutch, so I suppose we should forgive him something (not sure what, and no offence to any of our Dutch reader).

I’ve spent a very large chunk of my day sorting out work politics, being told by a client that I’m breaking the law (true) and generally battling with unpleasantness. It’s left me with a situation for which there is no suitable solution which I can implement that will leave everyone happy. Unfortunately, it’s the result of a situation that I inherited and did not create – I guess that is a consolation of sorts, but it means my reputation is not enhanced, I’m frustrated by it, I’m powerless to do much about it and my clients feel slightly upset about the whole thing.
If anyone tells you that working with plants is a relaxing and enjoyable occupation, they’re simply wrong or at least very misguided.
Meanwhile, I’ve got to prepare for Europe’s biggest trade show which is in Germany this week – I’m flying out tomorrow evening and returning on Friday evening. It’s a mammoth event spread over twelve exhibition halls and will be totally gruelling, particularly as I’m travelling on my own this year and will not have my German-speaking friend with me. The only highlight is that I hope to have dinner on Thursday evening with my friends from Schwäbisch Gmünd.

Well, the good news is that I’ve completed my tax return in time and will post it today. I was getting into a bit of a pickle, but a quick call to my accountant sorted out the problem I had and put my mind at rest – that’s what I pay him for, I guess.
The bad news is that I owe the Inland Revenue some money. Bah! If I’d got my finger out and done my return earlier, I could have had it taken from my tax code and paid in small amounts through the year. Instead, I’ll have to pay it all now. That’ll teach me.
Thankfully, PFE owes me some money, so I can jiggle funds around and cover the bill.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that if you haven’t done your tax return, DROP EVERYTHING AND DO IT NOW!

BT business broadband borked. I’m one of the 70,000 customers that have this problem it seems – my connection has been patchy this afternoon, to say the least. Most infuriating.

Today, we had a power failure that lasted seven hours. Thankfully, the alarm didn’t go off and the food in the freezer seems to have stayed frozen. I guess that’s the price one pays for living in the middle of nowhere, with power supplied via overhead cables and one of those farm transformers on a pole.
It also means that having surge protection is pretty much essential. I suspect that if this becomes a regular problem, PFE may procure a small generator.

I spent a bit of time looking around the web for a wireless print server yesterday. As I regularly use two different printers (a laser for bulk work, and a colour inkjet for printing plant pictures), I wanted a server that would drive them both. Only Belkin do one with this capability (every other server I looked at would support only one printer), but nearly every site I looked at was out of stock. I ended up at Transparent Communications of Aberdare, who offered the server at a reasonable price (more expensive than Amazon, about the same as Dabs) but actually had one in stock. It arrived this morning.
I’ve just installed it. The driver version supplied on the CD failed to work, but it was quick and easy to get the latest version from the Belkin site, and I’m now up-and-running, printing documents from anywhere in the house. Or pub.
Remarkably, this is classified as "work".

Tomorrow, we get the keys for the new house. Today, I have to go to HomeBase for some decorating supplies, and to Sainsbury’s for some first-day-in-new-home provisions (teabags, milk, readymeals, etc.).
Yesterday, BT phoned me. At 1pm tomorrow, my old office telephone and broadband should be switched off, and my new phone line and broadband should be switched on. At the same time. The chap from BT (who had a very strong west Scotland accent) said to me "well, we’re still on for it at this end, but who knows what’ll happen on Friday – we’ll just have to wait and see". I’m not filled with confidence.

Today I shall be making a start at packing my office in preparation for the move in 10 days time, otherwise known as trying to render order from the chaos.
The fact that I only have four cardboard boxes at my disposal shall in no way hinder my efforts.

This afternoon we took delivery of our new (to us) car. Hels seems very pleased with it. Colin, the guy who sold it to us, has very kindly thrown in a wheelbarrow. I kid you not. I’m actually very pleased with the wheelbarrow – it’s suitably cement-lined, battered and slightly rusty, and is currently in the back of Hels’s shiny new motor, much to her chagrin.

We also went to the Hardy Plant Society Sussex Group’s 10th birthday bash today. I set the group up with considerable help from several like-minded people, and it is really quite rewarding to see the group is in such good shape. Hels came with me, and had to deal with a large number of ladies-who-lunch saying "oooo! you’re Graham’s wife!" but, in spite of being thrown in at the deep end, took it all in her stride, as usual.

…for both of us for different reasons. For me, a trip to the New Forest to see two clients, then back via Chichester for a haircut, then home for vin avec Lu et Kev. For H, coworkers – nuff said.

…a major company offers good service (so far!). Top marks to BT for making transferring our home telephone account, my business telephone account and my broadband connection to our new address so simple. It’ll all be installed on the day we move in and should be up and running by mid-afternoon. And all this was organised with two simple telephone calls.
Of course, we have yet to see if they actually deliver this service on November 26th!

• I think I have the beginnings of a cold – sore throat and general lacklustre status.
• Yesterday, we bought a car – a 2000 silver Peugeot 306. If I’m lucky, I may get to drive it once a month – for me, it’ll be the handmedown 1992 Peugeot 106. Seriously, I think we got a good deal, having spent most of Saturday and a large part of Sunday morning trawling through used car dealers (limited choice, some expensive), used car supermarkets (big choice, very expensive) and the small-ads (good choice if you don’t mind travelling, and sometimes good value, but no warranty, servicing or extras). The car we have chosen comes to us from a small dealer and has actually been used by his fiancée – he had the V5 to show it has been in her name for quite a while. Only one previous owner, a very low mileage, brand new MOT and a service history at a Peugeot main dealer. He’s also getting a minor bump on the back bumper fixed and getting a new service at the dealer before we take delivery of the car this weekend.
• Amsterdam was its usual hectic and mildly aggressive self. I can’t recommend the Botel floating hotel – although the location is great (right by Amsterdam Centraal station), the thin walls and ceilings mean the rooms are noisy. It was also particularly cold. However, flying EUJet from Kent International is a good thing – cheap and cheerful, yes, but cheaper and easier than EasyJet from Gatwick, assuming you have the means to get to Manston.

UPDATE: it seems our new car is an import, so we may have problems with insurance.

I’ve just made my flight booking for my next trip to the Netherlands – a (literally) flying visit to a trade show in Amsterdam. For the first time, I’ll be flying through the rather excessively named Kent International Airport – what was once RAF Manston – using the services of the very small but very cheap EU Jet. Which will be, um, fun. I like the way that the car park is only a fiver a day, is just 100 yards from the terminal and that there appear to be only four check-in desks.
Anyone else done this route? What were your experiences?

And, to top it off, I’ll be staying in a floating hotel – the Amstel Botel – geddit?

A good idea for a European business like mine. It’d save me being called by European colleagues when I’m still in the buff at 8am.

Currently occupying 110% of my concentration:

• the Formula 1 calendar – it impacts significantly on planning of my Garden Event at West Dean, as we must avoid a clash with the Goodwood Festival of Speed, the date of which is dependant on the Formula 1 calendar (wot no British GP???).
• trying to establish exactly how well my clients are doing with certain plant material I have supplied them with, and whether I need to arrange a trans-Atlantic cross-supply.
• dealing with some politics that some potential clients have arising from some legacy representation arrangements (though to have my main competitor described as "yesterday" is a nice boost).
• trying to help along another client who seems to have been messed about by his clients (who also happen to be my clients).
• sorting out a list of trial material required from my breeder clients to get things moving with my grower clients – upon which rests the future earnings of PFE.
• fixing up paperwork on all the house sales and purchases – too late to save Hels’s sale, but paving the way for a quick and smooth new sale as soon as we find a new buyer, as well as salvaging the purchase, which has become an all-consuming passion for me.
• oh yeh, the wedding.

Bugger this, I’m off for a pint.

I’ve just had a phone conversation with my business banking manager at the NatWest. He’s the most senior business banking manager for West Sussex. He must also be the only bank manager who starts his phone conversations with "Alright mate?"

Today, I’m spending rather a lot of my day on trains. Tunbridge Wells to Charing Cross; Charing Cross to Euston; Euston to Birmingham International – and then the same journey in reverse. The purpose of my trip is to visit GLEE, a huge trade show for the garden and leisure industries, held at the NEC. Ironically, after what has generally been a difficult season in horticulture as a result of bad weather, a weak economy and chronic overproduction in some sectors, I suspect that the last thing that most participants will be is gleeful.

So, in order to look like I’m working on the train, and to provide some light relief in the absence of my paperback (left at home in order to conserve weight in my bag), today I’ll be providing one of those fascinating "blogging-whilst-travelling" posts that I know you love. And there’ll be trouble if anyone attempts to steal my format.

Observations – some people really could use plastic surgery. There is a woman sitting opposite me with the most grotesque nose. I have to say that it isn’t helped by the sour expression on her face, as she has clearly got onto the train in a bad mood, but even so, a nose job wouldn’t do any harm. Also opposite me is another woman who really needs to eat some pies. When will young women learn that having the physique of a broom handle is about as attractive as a …errmmm.. broom handle?

Wow – lovely huge drifts of Michaelmas Daisies growing on the railway embankment between Orpington and Chislehurst – great soft clouds of mauve.

Anyway – a weekend catch-up. I spent Saturday doing not much at all, taking the opportunity whilst Hels visited friends to have an extended kip on the sofa, having ploughed my way through a thick wad of paperwork sent to us by our solicitor. I also drifted by the bookstore to get some new paperbacks (I must update the current reading and current listening entries in the sidebar). In the evening, feeling in need of a moderate level of adventure, we headed out to Masala, a reasonably new Indian restaurant in the Pantiles in Tunbridge Wells. It certainly wins out over our usual preferred home of curry, the Kirthon, in terms of atmosphere – the Masala seems more lively and trendy than the Kirthon, and just a little more refined. But whilst the food was generally good, and the naan was the best we’ve ever eaten, the menu was generally lacklustre and staid. The Kirthon definitely offers a far more adventurous (and possibly authentic, although I’m no expert) selection of dishes, and their rice and sauces are of far higher quality. So, we know where we’ll be going in future.

Yesterday (Sunday), we met up with my family to go around the house that we are purchasing, enjoying a mug of tea with the couple that are selling to us. It was only the second time that we had viewed it, but it confirmed our initial feelings that it is exactly the right home for us, and that was endorsed by the family. The views are still great, the road is still very quiet and the pub is still just over the back fence. We took the opportunity to walk around the village, surveying the village hall, tiny post office (open two afternoons each week only), beautiful church with Italianate ceiling (no, really!) and, most importantly, the pub. Ticks against every item.

OK – I need to conserve laptop battery as I might need this thing at GLEE.

[later...]
Hurrah for Virgin Trains with sockets under the tables. Pity the northbound train was old stock, pre-laptop.

Well, the big news is that my first hour at GLEE was filled with phone calls to and from our solicitor and the mortgage people. Our mortgage has been approved, subject to a favourable valuation survey. We’ve also been told that we don’t need the bells and whistles survey unless the basic survey shows any cause for concern. And the solicitor has ironed out a few other creases in things – it looks like everything is beginning to slot into place, although I’m holding my breath on celebrating, as there are still a few potential pitfalls yet. However, I’m pretty confdent that we won’t fall down at any of these small hurdles. I might allow myself a small port and lemon to mark the occasion.

In other news, one of my clients contacted me today with a tip-off for a potentially very exciting new breeder client for PFE in the Czech Republic. Which seems like a perfectly good excuse for a flying visit to Prague at some point. Furthermore, in spite of being able to cover the entire plant hall at the GLEE event in 2.5 hours, including coffee break and diversionary chat with Paul C at his stand in the neighbouring hall, I think I’ve picked up a small number of potential new grower clients for my charges and, more importantly, a crackingly good new breeder client in Worcestershire. Droitwich is probably not as exciting as Prague, but money is money wherever it comes from.

The bonus with finishing at GLEE early is that I’ve been able to get an earlier train, which means that I’ll be home shortly after 7 and able to relax a little this evening. The tube across London and the train from London Bridge will both, inevitably, be miserably packed, but home for dinner has to be a fair pay-off for that. And for now I can get on with some work, with an archived edition of GHC to listen to.

In general, GLEE failed totally to live up to its name. Growers there were in two camps – the "not bad considering" camp and the "sorry, we can’t hide the dismal prospects for our business as our faces are so long" camp. Thankfully, most of my clients fall into the former camp and not the latter, and tough times seem to be forcing companies to look at ways of innovating in order to differentiate their offerings from those of their competitors – which is good news for an agent representing new products such as myself. It was also good to see Paul C looking very upbeat indeed – his company had paid considerably more for the stand this year so that they could have a prime position, and it seems to be paying off, with the promise of meetings with some very large potential clients as well as substantial interest and orders from smaller customers. Paul works really hard for his business, probably much harder than I do for PFE, and it looks like he is getting the rewards he deserves.

[later still...]
Note to self – the online timetables do not always tell you the whole story. If I believed everything that I was told, I’d currently be trying to fold myself into an already-packed train at London Bridge. As it is, I’ve got a table and air at Charing Cross. No doubt it will become hellish later, but for now I can feel like a smug, hardened commuter.
Having said that, I’d hate to do this every day – the blank, staring and empty faces of so many commuters, idling in brain-neutral as they grapple with the journey home, is enough to deter anyone from this way of life – and that’s just the ones who are awake. I’m glad that my work calls only for very occasional forays into The Smoke, and more time spent in the countryside – and, soon, lots of time at our lovely new home, with fields and woods all around.

I’m having one of those days when, whenever I look at the clock, another whole hour has scooted by with very little actually being achieved. This hasn’t been helped by having to take at least 40 minutes out of my day to update software in order to avoid miscreants trying to do unspeakable things with my lovely data.

I’m working through a lengthy list of jobs that need doing. So far, new jobs are only being added at twice the rate at which they are being removed. So far today:

• prepared directions to the new home
• arranged to go and look around the new home with Dad – cheaper than a surveyor!
• signed and sent off Very Important Papers to the solicitor
• scratched the cats behind the ears
• paid self
• ordered fresh stationery supplies
• considered tidying my desk (didn’t take long)
• wrote list of jobs.

How’s your day going?

It’s very good to be home again – these days, I find that I come to a point when travelling for work when all I want to do is go home. On this trip, that point came on Friday morning, but we still managed to fit in some useful and enjoyable work stuff, so it wasn’t all that bad. Highlights of this trip:

• dinner with friends of Mike on Sunday evening
• Mike fracturing his elbow whilst playing table tennis (not sure if that qualifies as a highlight!)
• exploring Münster, Bonn and Schwäbisch Gmünd – I particularly love the sound of this last town, which you pronounce as shway-bish ger-munnd
• doing lots of extremely good business
• lovely dinner with good friends, Jakob and Maria
• driving at 160kmh on the autobahn

Since getting home, our attention has turned to exciting mortgage paperwork, exciting bank paperwork and exciting solicitor paperwork. But we took the time yesterday to go for a walk followed by an enormous Sunday lunch, which is how things should be.

[written yesterday at the airport]

There’s something about being in airports, even the more cosmopolitan variants such as Schiphol, that makes you feel like you are suddenly a character in Rocko’s Modern Life. As I fought my way through the aisles of the shop in the departures lounge, surveying the endless rows of over-priced tat in a half-hearted and ultimately futile attempt to find a small gift for H (cow-shaped photo frame, anyone?), a clearly over-enthusiastic floor-sweeper operator patrolled across the store in an excessively frenetic and slightly crazed manner, literally sweeping all (including magazines, postcards, stray luggage and unattended children) before him. Meanwhile, a grotesquely overweight American, complete with shockingly pink navel glaring out through an opening in an over-stretched mid blue nylon shirt, ambles vacantly with an air of the lost (in every sense of the word). On the travelator, a tattooed Dutchman speaks rapidly to a girlfriend via his mobile phone whilst walking at full speed against the direction of the belt – perhaps some bizarre form of exercise for exhibitionists.
At gate D8, waiting for the flight to LGW, all one can hear is the monotonous, rapidly-repeated refrain of "Mind your step", delivered in a delicately accented female voice to travellers reaching the end of the moving walkway. A group of teenagers run for the end of the walkway, hoping to reach some sort of terminal velocity at the point where the walkway folds back under itself and they are catapulted onto the shiny tiled airport floor.

"Mr O’Toole, please report to airport information. Mr O’Toole, please report to airport information." Isn’t that one of those coded announcements, informing staff of a suspect package?

Evening sun is glowing across the aircraft on the apron as incredibly dark clouds loom over distant Amsterdam city centre. It’s been an incredibly foul day, with torrential rain, lots of standing water and slow-moving traffic on the A4. The sky promises a rough flight home. I ponder whether to go and get a copy of Wallpaper* Navigator, the new travel sub-brand of my favourite magazine that I’ve only just noticed (I tend not to browse magazine shelves at home, as the special subscriber edition of Wallpaper* is delivered to my home each month), but I feel that €10.99 is rather a lot for a magazine that costs £3.99 at home.

This has been a useful trip, with considerable amounts of knowledge gained, a few new contacts made and several old contacts refreshed. But I forget just how exhausting trade shows are to attend – an eight hour day yesterday of trudging the aisles, constant talking and vain attempts to absorb all of the information that is being presented to me; today, a 10am meeting (at least a civil hour at which to begin the day) followed by another four hours of aisle trudging, etc.

At the back of my mind are thoughts about our impending house-hunting and move. My travels here have been punctuated by several phone calls (including a very long one from the Gatwick departure lounge) to mortgage people, estate agents and Hels, all on that theme. Somehow, in spite of all the distractions around us, this weekend we must focus our attention on finding the right home in which to begin our married life – possibly the biggest decision we will make during our thirties (aside from the actual decision to marry, of course!). We have three candidate properties to view – two in need of significant refurbishment and one that has been recently refurbished but is in the middle of nowhere. The middle of nowhere option is the most appealing to us both at the moment – the property details are encouraging, the pictures of the property are encouraging, the location is encouraging and the price is encouraging. We have two properties sold. We have mortgage agreed. The pieces may, finally, be fitting together. But celebrations will be withheld until we have the keys in our hands.

Do Japanese tourists really shout a lot and take photographs of everything, or is it a popular myth? There is a group here that is doing nothing to dispel the untruth, if that is what it is. Oh oh, I’m getting grumpy.
Oh my god. There are dozens of them! Enough to half-fill the aircraft. Gah. AND I’ve run out of Maynards’ Wine Pastilles. This flight could last a lot longer than the scheduled hour. And nothing to read besides an EC Directive, as I arrived sufficiently early to demolish the entire Indy already.

And I’m sure I passed H’s local vicar by the tat shop.

I’m off to the Netherlands later today, and will be back on Friday evening. So expect some quiet in the meantime, although, if you’re lucky, you might get one of those rambling airport-based posts. I should also be able to connect from my hotel, so there is the prospect of some brief entries.
The reason for my trip this time is to attend the Plantarium trade event in Boskoop. I have three or four meetings lined up, all but one of which I am looking forward to (the one I am not looking forward to involves sorting out some political issues, something that I never enjoy doing), and one of my plants has been entered in the Best New Plant Competition, so fingers crossed for that.
We’ve got a packed weekend in store too. On Saturday morning, we plan to view three properties. In the afternoon, Hels has a medical appointment that she is not looking forward to. On Sunday we shall be with the in-laws-to-be. Monday will involve some time in the office and picking Mum up for Tuesday’s booze-cruise to Calais to get the wines for the wedding reception. Wednesday and Thursday features a trip to a trade show in Cheshire, Friday an overdue haircut, Saturday packing for a week-long trip to Germany and Sunday flying to Hamburg.
Actually, it may be quiet here for some time to come!

For those sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for exciting news about my software tribulations, I can now report that I have successfully solved all the problems with my form using Phorm, which I rate as excellent. I have also tweaked the settings on Spam Guardian so that it is now tagging about 80% of incoming spam with the filter set to "10". I’m going to alter it to "9" to see if we can increase its sensitivity.
More exciting news as reports come in!

…so no updates here for the moment.

The work website seems to be running well, aside from the dysfunctional New Plant Variety Information Form. I’m currently working on replacing the CGI script that is (or rather, is not) driving that page with a PHP script – namely Phorm. Does anyone have any experience of that script at all?

The revised work website is now live. You can view it here. Bug reports welcome (kinda).

My phone has died. Not my mobile, but my plain old landline receiver. I’ve had it for years too. The stories it could tell…

In other news, I’ve been working on an overhaul of my work website. Not a major design change (a couple of tweaks is all), but a major improvement to the content. Watch this space for a launch announcement.

… it’s too hot to concentrate properly. Actually, I’m not sure it is the heat, per se, so much as the humidity. Anyway, recent weeks in bullet points, and in no particular order:

• Charlie and Pete’s wedding at Lancing College. Was fabulous. Involved very large quantities of food and even larger quantities of alcohol – two things essential for any successful wedding.
• Neil and Emma’s wedding at a hotel near Uckfield. Still more nosh and booze, plus funky music. And a rare opportunity for the Old Howardians to have a meeting – Sarah, David, Louise and Andy were present.
• A lengthy trip to the Netherlands and Belgium with PFE-supporter Mike, involving lots of visits and meetings (about 15, I think), driving for more than 1500 miles in six days, a particularly dodgy hotel in Lochristi and an impressive journey in a gathering storm across the Markerwaarddijk.
• A much shorter trip to the Irish Republic, mainly visiting a trade show at the Punchestown Racecourse. Note to travellers – BA are now just as cheap and often cheaper than easyjet or Ryanair, with the added advantages of more comfortable seats, free coffee or tea, a sandwich and an allocated seat.
• Hels has had a hearing test. She was forced to go private, as the NHS waiting list just for a test is two years. Well done Mr Blair. Anyway, the results were not overly encouraging, and more tests are planned, including an MRI scan. H is definitely nervous about this.
• Barbeque at Charlie and Pete’s – more food, more drink, good company.
• Flat sales update: with two agents now working on mine, there is plenty of interest, but still no offers. We are now in the summer holidays, which is the worst time of year to sell a flat, but we keep trying. H’s flat is back on the market, but is not fetching huge amounts of interest at the moment. We’re resigned to not having a home together by the wedding, but we’ve managed so far, so managing for a little longer will be an irritation, not a disaster. What’s more important is that we now need to borrow money for the wedding – thankfully, the Bank of Dad is offering good terms at the moment.

I’m sure that there is much more to tell you, but it’s too hot to type much, and I don’t really have the time either. So, to keep you all happy, here are some piccies:

The Maarkermeer with storm approaching.

The Boomkwekerijmuseum – a museum dedicated to nurseries growing woody plants, in Boskoop, Netherlands.

You know Peace lilies – Spathiphyllums – that they sell in Marks and Spencer? Here they are produced on factory scale, mostly mechanised, disappearing off as far as the eye can see.

More when I get round to it/feel like it.

Whose idea was it to get up at 4am to fly to Ireland?
Either way, a worthwhile trip and I’m glad I’ve got a decent hotel to get some sleep in.
More tomorrow.

You know how it is – you’re sitting in a restaurant in Alphen an der Rijn and you spot someone wearing an "I’m blogging this" t-shirt. So you go an introduce yourself and exchange URIs. It’s the only polite thing to do!

In other news – I really miss Hels.
And this trip is really useful already, with only two of five working days completed.

Today, I shall be driving with (PFE-supporter and friend) Mike to Rotterdam, via Le Shuttle. We’re undertaking a week-long tour of the Netherlands and Belgium to visit a whole host of plant growers, propagators and breeders’ agents. It’ll be hard work and tiring, but hopefully we will get a little downtime in as well – Mike and I usually try to get to a few decent restaurants on these trips, as well as a sight or two if there is time (recent conquests include Essen cathedral treasury and the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam).

So, expect quiet here this week. I’ll have my laptop with me, so infrequent updates should be possible – just don’t expect much rambling, nor any long-winded airport monologues. Monologuing is hard to do when driving.

It’s the little things that keep me happy – like successfully setting up my laptop so that I check my email and surf the web via my mobile phone. Undoubtedly only likely to be used infrequently, and almost certain to be very expensive when I do – but it could be useful functionality one day.

Not much to write about at the moment. Work is still the dominant feature in life.

• Drove 375 miles yesterday to deliver some plants to Cambridgeshire. Driving a Transit Luton in a strong wind is never much fun.
• Took Hels’s car for its MOT test today. It failed. I’ve been and purchased the parts required to make it pass, and Tim is kindly fitting them. However, he’s already hit a problem, though hopefully it can be remedied quickly.
• I’m currently printing all the inserts for the wedding invitations (where to stay, how to find it, etc.). We should get them in the post next week.
• I’m working my way through a huge backlog of work emails that I’ve filed but not yet replied to or dealt with. PFE has reached a stage where an admin assistant would be useful, but the money is not available to pay for it. So it looks increasingly like I’ll be working longer hours to try and get everything done. Still, at least I remain in total control of everything, and I guess that is a positive.
• And, whilst losing the football last night is a disappointment, I can see absolutely no justification for this idiotic behaviour.

Well, it rained, although only in the form of showers, but enough to dent visitor numbers somewhat. But it wasn’t disastrous, and overall it’s been a pretty good weekend, providing someuseful income for PFE.
Next year will be the tenth Garden Event that I’ve organised at West Dean, a frightening statistic in itself. Already, we’re formulating ideas for ways to celebrate that – my favourite suggestion so far is a champagne bar.

West Dean was very successful yesterday – if the weather holds, then today should be every bit as good. If you didn’t make it yesterday, (hi Sacha!) then come along today if you can.
In other matters: Black Eyed Peas – Let’s Get It Started. Surely I can’t be the only person who for ages has thought that they were singing "Let’s get retarded in here"

The days continue to blend into a sea of work, but at least I was home by 7.15 tonight, and ticked off several major tasks during the day. Coming home to trans-Atlantic answerphone messages is cheering too. As was finding that one of the local papers has got a chunk of editorial about my event this weekend.

• amusing place names near you, via his 2p
• The latest yeti and penguin based silliness
• West Dean have information about my event this weekend on their website – click on "events"
• Salvador Dalik – possibly the best thing on B3ta in ages

Still incredibly busy and short of time:

• Started work at 8.30am and got home at 10pm – a little better than yesterday, not least because I didn’t spend the whole day driving around.
• The Two Things, via LMG
• The normally quietly spoken Mervyn King has opened his mouth and put his foot in it – certainly not helpful for those of us that have little choice but to sell now.
• On the plus side, both Hels’s flat and mine were subject to viewings today.

OK – more work to do and then a late night trans-Atlantic telephone call to make. Not very exciting for you, but it’s likely to be like this until I get through this week and next.

No time:

• Up at 5.30am today, home at 10.30pm. H off to US for conference for over a week. West Dean at the weekend. Oxford today. Mad. Hectic. Too much to do, too little time. Gah.
• UKIP. Gah. Consider this – next election, Tories biggest party, but not sufficient for a majority, so form an alliance with UKIP. Fate worse than death.
• LA Fisheries – best chippy for miles
• Mmmmmm beer
• Visitor number 150,000 should call in sometime next Tuesday – watch the counter.

Happiness is buying the latest marketing book.
Happiness is also having a successful meeting with the bank manager, a successful meeting with a client and actually achieving quite a bit today.
Happiness also comes in the form of wasting time on silly games and actually seeing the transit of Venus (with the aid of a welding visor).

Time for one of those overseas blogging monologues. I know how much you all love them (go on! tell me how much you love them!).

I’ve just boarded a train from Angers St Laud to Paris Montparnasse, my first experience of the TGV. The train is reasonably busy, perhaps 75% full, but there is only one stop between here and Paris, at Le Mans. It’s reasonably spacious, and the lack of bulky headrests means that it is easy to peoplewatch – the girl to my right who is trying to sleep whilst wedging her enormous black handbag against the back of the seat in front of her, the bloke to my left who is sitting in the window seat that I reserved (I’m not sufficiently confident in my French to remonstrate with him, and besides, it’s easier to get up for the loo or the buffet from here – and I can still see the world zipping by), the young infant in his carrychair a few seats towards the back of the train who is cuddling his toy rabbit and quietly absorbing the constant stream of information that is the world around him, whilst his twin sleeps soundly in the next seat.

Thankfully I’ve come equipped with my bag of Maynards’ Wine Pastilles and a bottle of Waitrose Still Scottish Natural Mineral Water, as this train is about half a mile long (no exaggeration), and it would probably take me fifteen minutes to walk as far as the buffet/bar. All very English of me.

The train takes corners at very high speed, with the consequence that my laptop slips dangerously from one side of the little table to the other, so excuse any pauses in the narrative as I clutch hold of it to prevent it falling to the floor.

Why am I in France? Well, I’ve been here for two reasons – firstly to visit a famous and very old nursery company near Nantes, and also to attend and lend consultancy and support at a European Union Plant Variety Rights appeal hearing at the Community Plant Varieties Office in Angers. Yes, that last bit does sound exciting, doesn’t it? But, believe me, it was in fact very interesting and useful, even though we lost the appeal (we had only rated our chances of success at around 1-2% prior to the meeting, but reckon that we increased that to 20% by making a very well-argued, substantiated and convincing case during the hearing – we believe we were defeated only by a majority decision of the members of the panel rather than a unanimous one).

The "we" in this journey has been myself and David, who is a septagenarian plant breeder and fervent supporter of PFE (and the appelant), along with his wife Rosemary. As they are now travelling on for a short holiday in the upper Loire valley, I’m travelling back by train, plane and automobile (in the form of a coach) to dear old Blighty and the arms of Hels, who I have been missing like mad.

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but we have been finding these separations (this trip, Hels’s recent trip to Vienna and her forthcoming week at a conference in Florida) to be quite painful, punctuated only by long (and expensive) phone calls telling each other how much we love each other and how much we miss one another. I’ve received the odd complaint of being a bit too soft and soppy in my writings on this site recently, so I won’t go on about it too much. It may just be because our love is still very new and extremely intense and not a little fraught with the worries of trying to sell our homes, find a home together, arrange a wedding and deal with the stresses of everyday life, but it certainly makes us value our time together more than ever. The time when "home" means our home together can not come soon enough.

I’m not sure how fraught this journey will be. According to Le Figaro this morning, Paris promises to be a hellish place today as umpteen gazillion police, soldiers and special forces secure the city for George Dubya’s state visit to mark the sixtieth anniversary of D-Day. I have to get from Montparnasse to Charles de Gaulle airport (assuming it hasn’t fallen down entirely). There is a coach service from Montparnasse, but I wonder if it might be delayed. I had planned to spend a little time exploring the Montparnasse area, having never visited Paris before, but if it appears fraught, I may abandon that idea.

We’re just coming into Le Mans. Interestingly, the conductor, in his announcements, puts the emphasis on the "Le", not the "Mans". Since it appears that nobody wants this seat, I may rummage around and find my headphones for a little audio entertainment between here and Paris. I bought a very cheap (three euro) CD from a second hand store in Nantes which is very good aside from a scratch that makes the first track unplayable (hence the low price, I guess), and I still haven’t had a chance to listen to it all the way through.

Anyway, a few non-work highlights of this trip:

• the splendidly calm ferry crossing from Portsmouth to St Malo, with the moon hanging low in the sky and reflected wonderfully in the glossy water, whilst on the other side of the boat, the Isle of Wight loomed ominously in silhouette with streetlamps draped around its skirt hems and reflected in the water
• the city centre in Nantes, with its cafés and cathedral
• the castle in Angers, home of a fantastic, enormous and very old tapestry depicting the story of the Apocalypse, with amazing detail, particularly in the beasts and the horsemen, with St John looking on from a differently designed sentry box-like structure at the side of each panel, recording the scenes for the Book of Revelations
• Angers cathedral, with its massive organ (stop it!) supported above the main entrance on four huge flying buttresses, each carved to resemble a bacchanalian figure seemingly inappropriate for a place of Christian worship, but imposing and wonderful nonetheless
• the simple and beautiful chruch of Saint Laud in Angers, and much more light and welcoming building, which, when we visited, was being bedecked in flowers for a wedding to be held today

As David and Rosemary were very much in holiday mode on this trip, it allowed me more time than I would normally have for exploring my environs. Normally when I travel abroad for conferences and exhibitions, usually with David’s son Mike (also a plant breeder), there is little time for R&R, as we generally try to pack in as much work value into our time as we possibly can. Whilst I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this trip (in spite of losing the appeal hearing), a little voice at the back of my head says that I really need to get more work done (hey! I could be doing it now instead of writing this monologue, but then I do have to keep you entertained somehow).

Hmm. Time for another wine pastille.

How strange. The guards have just come through the carriage, and they seem to be inspecting all the vents for the air conditioning system, peering into them as if they expect some sort of rat or mouse to poke his head out and say "salut!" at any moment. They’ve left the carriage now, so obviously didn’t find what they were looking for, although the activity has woken up the sleeping twin into a wide-eyed coughing session.

Idle thought: do nationalists in Northern Ireland refuse to use the Orange telephone network on principle?

Idle thought 2: what is it with young oriental men and really bad facial hair?

Idle thought 3: I wonder if there’ll be a powerpoint at CDG where I can recharge my laptop, or is that a uniquely American phenomenon? Even the wonderfully well thought out Copenhagen airport doesn’t have powerpoints.

<long pause whilst transferring from TGV to CDG>

Idle thought 4: if, when in France, you dial 15 for an ambulance, 17 for the police and 18 for the fire service, what happens if you dial 16?

Well, so much for having a stroll around Montparnasse. On arrival at the station, the first thing I noticed was the large number of police and armed troops present. A quick amble about the station revealed that the left luggage lockers were closed and sealed due to the security precautions, so I decided not to bother with trying to go for an amble whilst dragging my wheelie case and carrying my laptop. Instead, I elected to board the bus for the airport directly. As the bus hurtled through the streets, we passed a long row of buses laden with police, plus vans loaded with equipment, and then had to pull over to allow a fleet of water cannon trucks to roar past, sirens on and lights flashing. So I reckon that not going for a stroll was a smart move.

It has to be said that CDG (or terminal 1 at least) is the most dismal airport I have ever been in, even more badly designed than Dallas-Fort Worth. The duty-free area is cramped an ugly. The check-in desks are cramped and ugly. The &satellites" are cramped and ugly. There is a chronic lack of seating, refreshment points, signage, colour, light and air conditioning. Infuriatingly, there is a power point next to the seat I’ve found, but I stupidly left my French/UK adaptor in the bag that I’ve checked-in, so I’ll run out of power in about 20 minutes – with at least two and a half hours to kill before the flight. Worryingly, the bmi flight before mine, to East Midlands, has been delayed until around the time that mine is due to depart due to a fault with the aircraft, and I have a sneaky feeling that they might use the plane I’m due to fly on to take those passengers, thereby delaying my flight. I’ve even run out of battery life on my camera, so I can’t play at taking silly pictures. And I have no book with me. I think I’m going to be very bored. Sigh.

Idle thought 5: at what point is the boredom level sufficiently high that your brain dissolves and seeps out of your ear?

Anyhow, time to conserve battery life by shutting down the monitor. I’ll post this on my return (though, if you’ve read this far, you know that already).

UPDATE: my flight wasn’t delayed.

I’m still trying to enrol online with the Inland Revenue so that I can file paperwork digitally. The trouble is that the enrolment process is shit. As I’ve said before, for "security" reasons, passwords are sent by post and not over a secure connection. Since the unregistered post is as secure as your average teabag, I’m not won over by this argument.
Now I’ve discovered that, if there is a problem with your login, you must "de-enrol" (I wasn’t aware that I’d completed enrolment yet, but bear with me), re-enrol and wait for a new user ID and password to be sent by post. This process can take up to ten days.
This whole system is the biggest load of crap that I have ever seen. It is the most user-unfriendly system that anyone could possibly conceive. Pass me the paper – at least I don’t need a password for that.

Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when Hels and I can finally stop stressing about selling flats, buying a home and organising a wedding, not to mention work, family and all the rest. We’ve yet to experience anything that approaches what most people would consider to be "normal life" together. We frequently talk about the prospect of blissful times together, when we don’t have to do anything to a particular deadline, don’t have to worry where we will be living, not have to plan a major event and concern ourselves with the needs and desires of other people – and, most importantly, don’t have to hold those discussions over the telephone because we live 65 miles apart. We can’t wait for those days to come – at the moment, the prospect of those days is all that is keeping me going. Positive mental attitude. Positive mental attitude. Positive mental attitude. If I repeat it enough times, it may sink in and actually work.

[EDIT: actually, that's not entirely true. What's keeping me going is a very beautiful, amazing and wonderful woman who I love very much and who I know loves me too. But I didn't want to say that too loudly in case you all threw up.]

In other news, happy 40th birthday today to Lord Percy. I spent a few hours this afternoon with Lord Percy and Lady Bren, helping to tidy and pack at Percy Towers, as they are moving to the new and more imposing Percy Towers, complete with columns, tomorrow. To say that they are mildly stressed would be an understatement – I hope I provided a little light relief.

And talking of light relief, Elaine over at Little Blue Fox has submitted an excellent new image to the Little Otik photo competition. Go see.

The Inland Revenue has been actively promoting their online filing services for employers’ PAYE. Let me list my complaints:

• if you want to use the service, you must register in advance. They then send your user ID and activation password to you by post "for security". Given that there are (I think) a million letters going astray each week, and that they do not use registered or recorded delivery, then I think that this is likely to be as secure as your average cardboard box.
• when you actually come to use the service, you are frequently met with "service unavailable" messages.
• once you finally do manage to get the service to work, the user ID issued to me, which I noted down carefully, and which matches the user ID confirmation letter that I got through the post, are not recognised by the system. Without this, you can’t do anything.

I’d like to point out that, overall, I find the Inland Revenue’s online filing system to be total and utter crap.

I organise plant fairs as part of my work.
There is one this Sunday at Pashley Manor Gardens in East Sussex. The weather forecast is good, the publicity is definitely working and I’m feeling very positive about it. Come along if you like – it’s only a fiver to get in, including the fabulous gardens.
I sent the application forms to potential participant organisations in late February. They had until 31st March to return them. Plenty of time, you would think.
Why then do some businesses expect to be admitted if they phone up on the Friday before? And, for that matter, try to make me feel bad by saying that they’ve been coming for years (which is true – but then they’ve also expected to come at the last minute before too).
This plant fair is very heavily subscribed with participants – more than would be good if the weather was bad. I’ve already turned away three potential participants because the event is over-subscribed.

I just find it so annoying.

For those who have been following the exciting saga of my faulty broadband connection at work, I now have received a replacement Intel AnyPoint modem and installed it – and I still have the same problem. I’m convinced that there is a driver conflict somewhere, but nothing is reported in control panel, nothing is reported on any online help resource, and I have given up on the BT Broadband helpdesk as a bad job, as it clearly falls outside of their experience and they can’t think outside of the little menu-driven questions and answers that appear on their PC screens in front of them.
</rant>
So I’m just going to carry my dear old Alcatel SpeedTouch "Stringray" back and forth between home and work – it may not be cool, but it works.
<begging>Anyone got a spare Stingray that they would give to a good home?</begging>

BT have finally figured out that they can not solve my work broadband problem by sending pings down the wire to the modem. The modem will send back reports saying that it’s fine. Then, when my connection drops, the modem doesn’t receive the pings. SHOCK!
So, after nearly a week of trying to resolve the problem remotely, they are finally sending an engineer out to test the equipment and attempt to resolve the problem in situ. Far more sensible. He won’t be here until tomorrow afternoon though.

I’ve just called BT support, and the problem does indeed seem to be a fault with my phone line. So an engineer will be coming out to see me at some indeterminate point in the future.
And, in other encouraging news, my account reckons I’m running a tight ship with PFE – to have such a small loss at the end of the first year of trading is, he reckons, extremely good indeed. Of course, we won’t go using phrases like "technically insolvent" around Hels, as she doesn’t like that sort of thing! But since the principal creditor is me, I don’t think I’ll be calling in my debt any time soon.

Here’s one for all you techies out there.
I have an Intel Anypoint™ 3240 DSL modem which I use for my work broadband connection to BT Openworld. Since the PC shananigans of last week, I’ve had to reinstall it and its drivers.
When I connect, the connection stays good for only a few seconds and then the modem locks up. The light stays green (i.e. it is trained), but no traffic is passing in either direction. The only way to remedy it is to unplug it from the hub and reconnect it.
I’ve checked the connection and checked the phone line. All appears normal.
Having searched the web for a solution, I’ve found that by going into Device Manager and increasing the value for TXPower (currently set at 06, 00 is the default), I can increase the amount of time before the connection dies. But the connection still ultimately dies, nonetheless. I’m told the maximum value I should assign to TXPower is 12.
Any suggestions?

Tonight: a speaking gig in West Wittering. Followed by a cross-Channel ferry to Caen and three days at the Salon du Vegetal.
Actually, I’m not hugely excited by the prospect, and would much rather stay at home. Although it does provide an escape from decorating for now, so I should be grateful.
Anyway, expect fewer updates than normal for the next few days.

Plants For Europe Limited is one year old today. Buns have been consumed in celebration.

Apologies for the quietness here – I’m busy attending a huge trade show in Essen, Germany, and having problems connecting to a local internet service provider (this call is being routed back to the UK – goodness knows what it will cost). As compensation, there is beautiful thick snow here and a number of pretty good restaurants too.
The show itself is in a huge exhibition centre, and is on a vast scale. Yesterday I managed to get through three of the twelve halls. Today I have a considerable number of meetings scheduled, so I doubt that even that much will be achieved.
I will try and write one of my usual travelblogging monologues and post it here, but so far there hasn’t been time for that, and tonight I’m expecting to go for dinner with a couple of German growers.
In the meantime, please entertain yourself in whatever manner you feel is appropriate.

A week or so ago, I sent an email to the organisers of IPM, Europe’s biggest horticultural trade show which I will be attending next week. In my email, I asked how I could get an advance copy of the catalogue. Yesterday, I got a reply. In the form of a letter. In the letter, it gave me a telephone number to call.
Whatever happened to Teutonic efficiency? Surely all this could have been done with a simple form on their website?

I seem to have a problem with one of my work domains, bouncing back emails for no good reason. Anyone care to guess the name of the hosts?

Some time ago, my father chose to purchase a ShopVac Classic 30 vacuum cleaner for the office. The company that supplied it no longer do so, and do not supply bags or filters. None of the regular outlets stock them. I’ve found a source for the bags online (vacuumworld.co.uk), but they don’t do the filters.
I figure that we can’t be the only people in the country with this model of cleaner. So, if you have one, or know someone who does, do you know where to get bags and filters?

…and, indeed, hoopla. For Plants For Europe now benefits from broadband in the office. Thanks to BT for finally dragging our exchange into the present day.
Now all I need is that wi-fi card for the laptop.

Sorry, not blogging from the East Midlands as promised, but instead from East Anglia. I’m currently sitting in the Nyton Hotel in Ely, which is notable for being very pink. I’m not sure if it is actually pink in this room, or if it is just the lighting. Either way, I’m not finding it terribly restful, so I’m going to head out and walk to the city centre and find a restaurant shortly, as the in-house facility seems a little stuffy and deserted.
Meetings today near Banbury and Diss, and about 300 miles covered. I’m fairly pooped but it has been very productive. Foolishly, I left my camera at home, so I couldn’t take pictures of the bizarre aerials I saw in Oxfordshire, though I may have been arrested if I had done so, as they were distinctly military in nature.
More miles to cover tomorrow, with meetings near Wisbech and Stafford – probably covering a similar mileage. I’m looking forward to a restful weekend in Tunbridge Wells.

Well, the talk went better than I expected – I covered all the main points in a logical and complete fashion, and successfully fielded some difficult questions from a very switched-on audience. And I think I may have gained a new client who has a few problems with a plant that has already escaped into the marketplace, but may be salvagable from a commercial point of view. The venue was in the pavillion at Essex County Cricket Club, so there was a great view over the County Ground.
The only fly in the ointment was a lady who complained that I fidgeted about too much as I gave my presentation. I know I do tend to move a little, largely because I naturally tend to use gesticulation and body language to emphasize what I’m talking about, but she claimed that it was enough to make her giddy! I’ll try to be a bit more aware of it in future, but I naturally do that sort of thing as a subconscious action, so I’m not sure if I’d be able to control it and concentrate on what I was saying. Multitasking – not a strong point.

It’s taken much longer than I’d planned, but I’ve now got a detailed set of notes for tomorrow’s presentation, so I should be able to get through it without looking a complete arse. It’s also got a bit of structure now, so hopefully it will not be a case of me rambling aimlessly for an hour.
I’ve just realised that I don’t have a clean shirt for tomorrow night’s wedding reception, so you can guess what I’ll be doing when I get home. I think a readymeal is called for tonight, so I’ll have time to prepare a shirt and get to the pub.

On Saturday, I’m giving a presentation to the British Clematis Society entitled "Plant Breeders’ Rights for Beginners". This will be the first time that I’ve given this talk – I’m always a bit nervous about any subject that is new, as I’m always concerned that there will either be questions that I’m not able to answer, or, worse still, someone there who genuinely knows more about the subject than I do. Whilst my skills at flanneling are world famous, even I can get a bit flustered sometimes.
I’ve just been sent the directions for the venue, and it is being held at Essex County Cricket Club‘s County Ground in Chelmsford. I wonder if I should take an autograph book?

Today, I’ve been at the Southern Growers Exhibition at Sandown Park Racecourse. This is a small regional event, a tiny fraction of the scale of Hortifair that I attended last week. But it is the regional event closest to home for me, so I usually make a point of attending it, partly to see what business opportunities it might present, but also as it is usually a good chance to catch up with a few long-time horticultural friends.
In fact, this year I managed to achieve both of those objectives, making handy new contacts for PFE, refreshing a few existing contacts, and also meeting up with a few friends for a coffee and to catch up with news and gossip. So, overall, a very worthwhile outing.

In other news, I’ve received an offer of help for Penn. If you are able to help, please mail me – you won’t be alone. Aside from Hels and me, my parents and one of PFE’s backers are helping to put together a parcel. If you don’t want to send actual "things" you might like to help by sending cash that we could use to buy things to send, or to pay the costs of shipping whatever we can muster to Nepal.