Simon’s Cat (1 and 2 - YouTube). Utter genius. I particularly like the long pause between the door opening and the cat coming in. via Gordon.

Meanwhile, Matt the Bakiwop is walking for President.

Bum!

I’ve been asked to meme. I think this breaks a rule somewhere, but the flesh is weak. I hope it is painless.

1. There are some sweet pea seeds on my table – they are a heritage variety that I grow and propagate every year from self-sown plants. They should be in a paper bag, but where do you get paper bags these days? Shops are hopeless in this regard, addicted as they are to plastic. I think I may have to use an envelope.

2. I’m currently drinking a cup of black Earl Grey tea. I only have milk in my tea when someone else makes it and doesn’t ask if I take milk before liberally applying the bovine lactations. And I only have tea other than Earl Grey when there is no Earl Grey available unless, of course, I’m having a mad day and treating myself to some Darjeeling or lapsang souchong.

3. I have discovered that there is more to vodka than meets the eye. Of course, it probably isn’t sensible to put vodka in your eye, although a quick search of Google reveals umpteen people who are prepared to try it.

4. The above thought reminded me of a link I saw Darren post today which provides top tips for new bloggers. Amongst the tips is this: “If you spend a little time searching before you post, you can probably find your idea well articulated elsewhere already.” Which has probably sent my already weak blogging mojo into hiding completely.

5. I am thinking of getting a new phone as my old phone has a nasty habit of switching itself off at random. But I’m concerned that all the latest models of the candy-bar variety (my preferred phone format) are perfectly rectangular and therefore very difficult to grip. Have these people never heard of ergonomics? I’m quite tempted by the Nokia E51 though.

6. I have never been a Venture Scout. I was in the Cubs though. Dib dib, dob dob.

7. Are we there yet? I’m not a fan of memes and have generally avoided them. However, I’m sure I’ve done more than a couple in the seven years (seven? really?) that this blog has been going. So I will not damn them entirely as somebody would end up searching the archives and I’d end up being hoisted by my own underpants.

8. Right, I’m off now to light the fire.

British nuclear weapons were enabled and disabled by a bike lock key. How very British – just as it should be.

Three Gorges Dam causes geological deformation. No surprise really – the weight of water is bound to have this effect.

Graybo updates Amazon wishlist. Christmas is coming, geese need fattening. Or just send cash:

Chuckle Brothers’ Comedy Masterclass.

DJ Format on YouTube (via b3ta)

Everybody needs to get a blimp.

Humph notices that we’ve come to the end of the show.

Happy Happy Joy Joy by Stinky Whizzle-Teats (video).

Found via John Kricfalusi’s blog, which includes an interesting look at how the cartoon that featured this song, Stimpy’s Invention, came to be made. I’d like a Cheese O’Phone for my birthday, please.

Meg’s Crap Television Programme Title Generator. Genius.

Yes.

Oh sorry, were you expecting more? Well, if you insist.

I’ve noticed a similar trend on a few other blogs – the old style of posting a very short entry with a link and short comment (sometimes no comment at all) gives way to a (more-or-less) daily digest of links, most usually with some sort of explanatory note or comment. On the plus side, it means that I am tending to post more links here, which is probably a good thing, but I’m not sure that the links that I’m posting are necessarily that interesting to readers as I tend to use del.icio.us to bookmark things that are of interest to me as well as those that might interest or amuse you. As it is, it possibly renders the “amusing links” category virtually obsolete as I now tend to put those links in via del.icio.us (bl.ood.y d.ot.s!).

Whether it means that I will actually write more longer posts to provide something relatively interesting to read between the link lists is another matter. I do seem to be writing a little more here at the moment, which I think is a good thing (though you may not agree). I may even write something interesting one day, although those of you who have been foolish to hang around for the better part of seven years waiting for that to happen don’t seem to have learned your lesson yet.

I’ve also wondered what del.icio.us and other similar sites might mean for the traditional linklog site. At the moment, sites like Darren’s continue to use the familiar linklog format, with Darren having a link to his del.icio.us feed in the sidebar. But will the social bookmark sites change or even eventually kill off the linklog? Couldn’t Darren simply feed his del.icio.us output into LMG? Or have I missed something?

UPDATE: I should add that I like and admire LMG and would hate for it to die a horrible death. The same goes for Darren.

FlashElementTD – via everyone. Way better than the Tower Defense game I linked to a while ago.

Bognor Regis. Panda-free. Fact.

…particularly if lightly steamed and then scooted around a pan with a drop of balsamic vinegar and some finely chopped smoky bacon. However, some people…

via LMG who got it from Simon who got it from…

I’m finding this game frustrating. No matter what strategy I try, the best score I get is 75. I have even compiled a spreadsheet of the different towers to help me, but I still haven’t got near the creator’s stated high score of 90.

Cardboard.

Oh dear. Every man of Indian descent must be wincing in the knowledge that this story is currently the most popular on BBC News. And it looks like a BBC wag was the author of the article, with phrases such as

• Grunty Muck-Lane has a rant about people getting his name wrong. I have the same problem with Graeme Spenser.
• Towns across Europe are removing road signs, wholesale. The Dutch, in particular, are less profligate with road signs than we are in nanny-state Britain, but Hungary tops the list of countries I have visited recently for roadsignlessness. via linkbunnies.
• Looks like we need to buy one of these now that Tom has discovered forward gear when crawling. I’ve been sitting in the conservatory typing this and he has just got halfway here from the living room to see what I’m up to. And I’ve noticed that he is useful for getting the dust from under the stairs – it’s only a matter of time before I can start sending him up chimneys.
• America may finally embrace a dollar coin. About time, in my view. I think there will soon be some enthusiasm here to see the £5 and €5 notes replaced with coins, as they get tatty so quickly.

I want to visit the Minaret of Jam. Although, as we know, the jams are revolting and there will be no pie, only honour. But there is no honour without pie.

Weebl, Bob and filo pastry.

Utterly utterly brilliant! Blode 7: Blode and the Moon Meat Mine. I think Joel may have been snorting dandruff.

If anyone wants to buy me a Blode plushie for an early Christmas present, you’d be my friend until at least next week.

I’m still not convinced that SatNav is a good idea. Here is more evidence to prove that I’m better off with a map.

It had to happen – Monopoly goes cashless. via Mike.

Cartoon archive, featuring Ali Baba Bunny and the excellent Baseball Bugs. via the linkbunnies.

A guide for the modern workplace. I actually have enough paper on my desk to start a small fire, but my desk is wooden and my office is also wooden, so this may result in a large office fire.

Pointless. Useless. Bound to sell shedloads.

In other wireless news, my high gain antenna has boosted the signal in my office from around 48% to about 65% and resulted in only one dropped connection since installation. So I think we can consider it a qualified success.

This list of things that "every child should do" comes via the linkbunnies. I like the idea of number 32.

How many of these things did you do before your tenth birthday?

Human Space Invaders. via the linkbunnies.

Mr Noseybonk in the greenhouse, via Darren. I don’t think that the words double entendre quite go far enough.

Formula G1 – a very fast racing game.

Log. Rubber Nipple Salesmen. And Ewalt and Abner.

YouTube is not good for productivity.

1930s and 1940s banned cartoons – some of which are truly offensive, others only mildly so – but only when judged by today’s standards. Back then, it was an entirely normal reflection of current societal norms. Includes Coal Black an’ de Sebben Dwarfs.

Mmmmmm. Crabs.

Pendulumeca. All in Japanese or something, but you’ll figure it out. Quite different from the usual game fodder.

New Weebl and Bob, with guest appearance by Stephen Hawking. No, really.

Bob’s handy guide to housework.

I subscribe to dictionary.com’s Word Of The Day email thingummy – which, usually, throws up interesting and unusual words that might broaden one’s vocabulary. But today’s word? Hmm.

Blimey. Best head to the shops for some ice creams and sunblock.

I was listening to the radio this morning and was heartened to learn that today is International Pie Day. I had visions of celebrating with some pastry-surrounded-meat concoction.

Unfortunately, it turns out that today is International Pi Day, which is far less exciting.

The BBC has been featuring public information films on their website recently and invited readers to make and submit their own. The results can be found here and they are excellent. I particularly liked Pylon Peril.

Mind Your Marbles. Simple, addictive.

Ermmm. Almost certainly NSFW. via Cal, amongst others.

My cat’s got knees. Musical madness from Joel Veitch.

How the same toy varies from one side of the English Channel to the other. Thanks Jen.

Whizzball.

Cubefield – one of the best Flash games that I’ve seen for a while, falling into the simple-yet-addictive category.

Weebl and Bob episode 100 in which, clearly inspired by the Simpsons or Harry Potter, a character dies.

Does it pay to run towards shelter when it is raining? With real maths, apparently.

Notice that everyone is on their last day at work today? You can tell by the way that they are doing nothing other than sending ecards to everyone in their address book to give them something to do until the Christmas sherry is opened at lunch time (bought from the discount bin at the Co-op, no doubt). So far I’ve had five and, thankfully, only one of them was musical. Mind you, that’s two more than the number of actual cards that I’ve received and one of them wasn’t even made of card!
In other news, go over to Scaryduck and give him a well-deserved HONK. I think I might have to make some sort of New Year’s Resolution about finally getting around to doing something about upgrading my existing crop of post-name letters (from ACIM to MCIM) and adding to them (with the words "Chartered Marketer"). This will mean study and evenings in seminars, but it will be worth it – one of my competitors has the upgraded version of my letterage and I want to be seen to out-do him.
And in yet other news, I see that the WordPress 2.0 will be released on Boxing Day. I feel a festive upgrade coming on, which might resolve the issues with the non-functioning archives and the malfunctioning comments. On the other hand, it might make no difference at all.

New game from Weebl.

Amusing oriental game involving cubes. It takes a few minutes to figure out what’s going on, but is pretty easy to work out even if you can’t read Japanese.

Bob’s guide to dealing with ghosts. How handy.

New Weebl.

I remember games like this on those enormous consoles that used to be in bowling alleys back around 1989. Class.

Making Fiends Thanksgiving Special.

Much as I detest all things Christmas-related before the advent of Advent, I must point you to Secret Santa who is abroad once more. I’ve signed up, so be sure that you do.

Are you a London Underground anorak? Would you like to be? In either case, all you need to know can be found at District Dave’s Underground Site, including exciting updates on the installation of runback protection equipment.
If you are not an anorak, nor aspire to be, then I recommend rushing over to Scary’s site for a quick game of Mornington Crescent.

Weebl and Bob become goths. Now with soft toys!

Handy links (via Cal):
Words that have different meanings in British and American English.
British English words not used in American English.

Tip #1: it isn’t a good idea to attempt to dispose of the body by burying it in concrete as it will probably be found.
Tip #2: it isn’t a good idea to attempt to move the body by carrying it as a pillion passenger on your motorcycle.

That is all.

Making Fiends 20. The last episode in season two. We’ll have to wait and see if there will be a third series.

Last night, as a special treat for our wedding anniversary, we headed up to the Trinity Theatre in Tunbridge Wells to see the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, who played with support from Langhorne Slim.

Slim played some folksy bluegrass songs, mostly about lost love and failed relationships, with sprinklings of humour and wry observation and even a smattering of audience participation. Pretty good, although he failed to really get the Tunbridge Wells audience going. Mind you, it has to be said that it usually takes quite something to get the Tunbridge Wells audience going – free canapés and a glass of bubbly generally do the trick, both of which were lacking for this gig.

After the interval, the main attraction took the stage. Hels said afterwards that if you didn’t have your surreal head on, you weren’t going to get this outfit – and Tunbridge Wells doesn’t do surreal very well. I think about 10 people in the audience really got the hang of what was being achieved before them.

The Trachtenburgs are a three piece outfit, consisting of Jason on keyboards, guitar and lead vocals, his wife Tina Piña on slide projector and daughter Rachel (aged a somewhat precocious 11 years) on drums and backing vocals. Yes, you read that correctly – not slide guitar, but slide projector. The premise here is that the Trachtenburgs collect 35mm transparency collections from thrift stores, pawn shops, car boot fairs and so on. They then reinterpret them to music, on stage, whilst wearing the worst 1970s fashions (not overstated parody fashions, mind you, but those subtly bad items from that era).

The songs, of course, are just as awful as the photographs that they are played to. Crossing just about every genre under the sun, from prog rock to gospel, songs such as Look At Me and the five-part McDonald’s rock opera (incorporating the totemic What Will The Corporation Do?) amusingly take the mickey out of the innocents portrayed in the slides – though none could exactly be described as sing-along. But the awfulness is part of the act, coupled with the polished amateurness of the performers (complete with Rachel’s persistent gum chewing and Jason’s asides about how something always goes wrong with their shows) and an amusing mid-set Q&A session.

The set was rather let down by lacklustre sound quality in the Trinity, meaning that some of Jason’s lyrics were indistinct – rather important when the lyrics relate so closely to the content of the slides on show. The crazy distortion that resulted from projecting onto a full height screen from a projector sat on the floor actually added to the surreality of the performance, although I’m not sure if that was intentional.
If you get the chance, go and see them whilst they are on tour. But try to pick a venue where the audience might appreciate it.

Soup on your head.

Never hear the same track twice! Upgrade your iPod Nano to 200GB and store 150,000 minutes of music! Warning: may adversely impact battery life. via Cal.

Rock paper scissors to end the war. Genius.

Ostrich Jump – jump over cacti with your ostrich. A pretty unremarkable game apart from the fact that the cacti look like enormous green willies.

PlanetX – Jupiter Lander with bells on.

Kissi, The Finnish Public Order Cat.

Avast ye! Tis ye Official Talk Like A Pirate Day, so be sure to answer ye telephone with a loud "Yarr!", ye scurvy scalliwags!
Meanwhile, congratulations to our friends David and Andi who are now proud parents to Kate, born last Monday. Ah-arr!

The History of The World According to Weebl and Bob – Medieval Times. Features codpieces, so possibly NSFW.

You all know I like the simple and silly games the best. Here’s Monkeys in Space which fits the bill nicely.
Equally simple is SlingStar, although it is infuriatingly difficult.

Making Fiends, episode 19. Hopefully, in episode 20 we will get an explanation of how Charlotte breathes underwater.
And I still feel sorry for Grudge.

Bob’s Guide To Cat Owning. (Possibly LSFW).

MuscoMorpha – absolutely vile game (but strangely compelling).
Worm 3D – not strictly 3D in that the worm only moves in two, but it is presented in an isometric view, so a good variation on the theme.

More proof.

FontSmack looks to be useful. via those awfully nice people at linkbunnies.

Weebl arranges a blind date for Bob.

For those that have not discovered it already, Google now offer a facility to personalize their homepage. I now have mine set up so that it not only has the familiar Google search box, but also news headlines from three sources, the weather forecast, the comments RSS feed from this site, the latest news on Sussex cricket and Brighton football as well as the word of the day and quote of the day. I’m sure that, given time, I could make even more useful.

Star Fly 3 – another Asteroids-with-bells-on game.

We all remember that the BBC News picture editor used to have a good line in comedy picture captions. Well, it can now be revealed that the same picture editor is clearly obsessed with breasts. Take a look at these example pictures:
New Big Brother contestant has large breasts as helpfully pointed out by the hand on the right hand side of the image.
Visitors to Viennese gallery have large breasts, although somehow I feel that the two people pictured are probably not representative of visitors to the Leopold.

Funky Truck 4WD – I think I might prefer the original.

I think I’ve linked to the Salad Fingers cartoons before. Episode 6 is now online. I should warn you that these cartoons are probably not for the mentally unsound. They are truly disturbing, not least for the excellent and atmospheric Boards of Canada music in the background.

Get that 1970s arcade console feeling with this excellent version of Asteroids with sounds that are just about as close to the original as you’re going to get. via the bunnies.

In Grow, you must try and drag the items at the side of the screen to the centre in the correct order. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? There are only eight items after all.
The question is, if it is so easy, why have I ben struggling with it for nearly an hour?

You know, I’m half-tempted to have a go at this. Problem is that I have to be in the Netherlands at the end of the last week in August. But it could be fun to do.

Comic strip for geeks (really rather good).

Alias Runner – for petrolheads.

In the absence of anything new from Weebl, here’s a story about a missing pie (NSFW).

From the genius that is rathergood.com.

I want one of these.
You can buy one here if you live in the UK.
I heard about it here.
I think I may need better speakers. And a better car. But hey, I can dream.

As belated tribute to the late, great Richard Whiteley, here’s an amusing video clip (not work safe).

Funky Truck game.

When you look at this logo (which belongs to one of my clients), what do you see?

Interesting theory about the possibility of artificially creating every possible television image.

It would need a computer the size of Manhattan to make it work, but an interesting theory nonetheless.

Remember Grange Hill? Ever wondered where it was filmed and what those places look like today? Then wonder no more!
(I bet you now have that theme music going around and around and around…)

Jaguar Urban Golf – good coffee break entertainment.

Rachel Stevens gets fruity and gives a very important message.
There’s a long (and probably not very interesting) story about how I was given my first instruction in checking for testicular cancer from a much-older woman whilst standing alongside the A24 one evening when I was in my very early twenties. But I’ll not bore you with it.

Can’t be bothered to sit through the latest Star Wars movie? Then read this handy (and amusing) short version of the script. via the linkbunnies.

Simple. Silly. Addictive. Just how we like them.

Short film (but loooong download).

Blode and the Giant Bee.
Making Fiends episode 18, in which Vendetta throws out Grudge!

nope, can’t figure out what is going on here – it would help if I read Japanese, I guess. Just click on things and eventually things happen. Then more clicky things appear. You click. Things happen. And so on. And then he flies away. Which is kind of sad.

Bob’s doods.

A mobile phone packed into an old bakolite rotary dial telephone. Probably wouldn’t fit in your pocket.

Turbotanks – hard. I can’t get past level 4. But brilliant, nonetheless.

Tobby – ideal relaxation for when you’re having a coffee just as you’ve got home from driving through the driving rain all day. Rescue the dog tied to the rocket by peeing on the fuse. Wacky Japanese(?) fun.

Surprisingly difficult game.

BBC Obvious.

High Wheels game. Potentially infuriating.

Notepad Invaders. via Sore Eyes.

Google Maps has been launched in beta for the UK and seems to be potentially useful (although I’m not sure about the map on the launch page, which shows the position of Great Britain relative to Newfoundland!). However, a quick look at Ruralville revealed several roads depicted on the map that simply do not exist (they are either footpaths or private drives and farm tracks – I looked at some nearby MoD land on the map and found tracks displayed that are definitely off-limits).
I’ve also tried the driving directions feature, using the journey between home and my parents as the test. It seems that Google doesn’t know the difference between "left", "right" and "straight ahead" – there are several glaring errors in the directions offered to me. I’ll stick to the AA driving directions qwhich are generally accurate, even if their journeyt times are almost always hopelessly optimistic.

This story made me laugh until there were tears in my eyes. Why would anyone toothbrush their caravan?

Cityscape. My best score so far is 36/60.

VXR Racer.

Footie without the sweaty.

A short animation all about mannirs (work safe). Lovely.

ATV/Powersled racing game

Laser Envy game.

Episode 17 now has subtitles for those that do not speak Bulgarian.

Google Gulp! With a bit of self-parody, it seems:

An April Fool’s Special, it seems.

Ages ago (I mean, like, years dude), I linked to this NSFW music video and thought it was really, um, kicking. It still is, but hasn’t it dated badly? I mean, who moves files around on 3.5in disks any more?
(Incidentally, in case you were wondering why I was thinking about this today, it’s because H and I had a conversation about the word "copacetic" the other day, and this choon features that word).

Will this make me buy a Dyson cleaner? Nope.

Has your pet recently popped its clogs? Before you dig a hole at the bottom of the garden and leave it for the worms, why not consider having it made into a Pet Pillow? For just US$65, you can have your favourite moggy, erm, stuffed and throw him/her onto the sofa.
I mean, would you sit on a dead cat?
And who would want a "domestic cow pillow"?
(link via the LNR Cat Blog).

If you haven’t seen the Cillit Bang! Remix, it’s worth a look.

New Weebl and Bob. And Monkey.

Budget day today. The BBC has used this picture of Gordon Brown on their front page:

I felt that he needed a fez:

Just like that!

Making Fiends, episode 16. Featuring a dictionary. Of words.

The CCL Game – slightly addictive box-moving silliness.

Phosphor Alpha – jaw-droppingly good Shockwave shooter. via the linkbunnies.

It’s A Goal 2 ready by the end of March. Productivity? What productivity?

Pah! A further example of the wrong message sent out by football! Online football top trumps where a player with a higher number of yellow cards beats a player that has received fewer yellow cards. Shocking!

You know, I’m always completely ditracted by things like this.

Hitherto on swearing.

Following on from the recent Garfield archive, here’s a complete archive of Calvin and Hobbes strips.

Remember that godawful film, Wimbledon? There’s a pretty good Flash tennis game on the film’s website. Once you crack the serve, winning becomes much easier.

No, there is no announcement forthcoming about a baby, but I did find this graphical baby name popularity index interesting. via Gordon.

FreezedStyle.

Complete history of Garfield strips. I think the older ones were better than the more recent ones.

I’ve just had a spam email advertising fixmyproperty.com. The email contains this image:

Now, I’m a very happily married man, so I have to be careful with what I say here. However, it is my reckoning that there are a lot of single blokes who wouldn’t mind if an engineer like the one illustrated was to visit their home and, um, sort out their plumbing, as it were. The question is, are you more likely to click on an image like the one shown in the email in order to get to their site, or on an image like the ones used once you reach that site (example below)?

World Jump Day – July 20th 2006. Apparently, World Jump Day will "stop global warming, extend daytime hours and create a more homogenous climate". Alternatively, the Earth will be flung out of orbit and disappear into the far reaches of the galaxy in a Space 1999-stylee.

The Cat Came Back.

From the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge – one photo for every mile.

Lunar Mouse 2.

Everyone Poops – well, I do anyway. Do you?

Roam and Protect.

Did you know that it is National Chip Week? Well you do now. So, to celebrate, H and I are off to the pub tonight for a curry.
Or have we missed the point?
UPDATE: apparently we’re staying in and having cod. More updates as events warrant.

Inside the mind of an autistic savant. Utterly fascinating.

Team Laser Explosion are back!

Pathetic motorways. The inner geek slips out – I actually find this site quite interesting.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go and find my anorak, thermos, notepad and glasses held together with sticky tape.
via B3ta.

Palantir – simple, yet addictive game.

FeuerFrei Movie. w00t!

Magical Trevor 2.

Basketball type game with groovy sounds.

A new spin on an old puzzle game.

For all you news addicts out there – keep up with global events in graphic form, updated every twenty minutes.

Yay! puppies for everyone!

Does Cillit Bang! really clean coins? Find out here. (via B3ta).

I can’t get past level one on this.

All in foreign – just click anywhere and see how many blobs get caught in the subsequent chain reaction.

Newsnight is celebrating 25 years – take a look at some of the clips. I particularly enjoyed Olenka Frenkiel carrying a piece of the Berlin Wall in to the studio and dumping it on the desk in front of Peter Snow.

Deserted farms …in Iceland.

Very hard.

Firefighter game. I actually have waved a firehose around. Insert your own smutty remarks here.

The truth about the new Airbus is revealed at B3ta.

…or the rabbit. Virtual falconry.

OK, here’s something for you to play with. Go to MapPoint on MSN and enter your starting city as Haugesund (it’s in Norway) and your destination as Trondheim (also in Norway) – a fairly plausible journey for a Norwegian to undertake, or for that matter, an Englishman taking the Newcastle to Haugesund ferry.
Now ponder on why MapPoint suggests that you take a 47 hour journey travelling through seven other countries (yes, SEVEN – England, France, Belgium, Netherlands, Germany, Denmark, Sweden and back to Norway), including two ferries and the Channel Tunnel.
What does this say about Microsoft? (And can anyone explain how their database could get it so wrong?)

Mark Mardell’s Africa diary, with real personal content with amusing asides. Perhaps there is hope for BBC-sponsored quasi-blogging(™ Vaughan!) after all?

Vikings.

Couple name child Yahoo! A mad Romanian story! Hurrah! We haven’t had one of these in literally ages.

How handy.

I can see Lord Percy laughing Stuart Hall-style at this one. Shoot the UFOs before they can abduct all your cows whilst avoiding the falling bombs – genius!
Meanwhile, I’ll be collating and stapling application forms (just in case my wife or sister-in-law think I’m not doing any work).

I’ve just had a spam mail that has offered me the opportunity (according to the subject line) to "become a mammoth". What a great idea! With my amazing bulk, huge hairy coat and impressive tusks, I could walk around Ruralville striking fear into both of the customers at the post office! I could become a special attraction at the pub to help draw in more custom! I could even carry the shopping home from the supermarket without using a polluting car and provide an ample supply of manure for the garden! It seems like a win-win situation to me – where do I sign up?

The instructions are all in foreign for this game, but the essence is that you click to make the birdy go up, try to collect the ickle birdies and avoid hitting the clouds or the floor.
Now I must get back to writing exciting contracts and mailing out thrilling application forms, but I thought that I should give you something more interesting to do than watching the rain drops roll down your office window.

Dirty computer screen? You need this.

BBC News – Seagulls fans (i.e. Attila the Stockbroker) release single in support of stadium campaign. And it looks like it’ll be in the top ten singles this week.
Whatever your footballing persuasion, buy it now and show support for the stadium campaign. Remember – it could be your club next.

Blob Farm – move the blobs away from the puddle of goo and other things that might kill them.

Chris the Ninja Pirate 2. Yarr!

Top ten urinals.

Silly possibly, but quite addictive once you get into it.

Ford Fiesta game.

New Weebl.

Tobby, with instructions in Japanese.

Nordic Chill, ja!

Not for the squeamish.

Making Fiends 14 in which Vendetta gets the last laugh.

Table football.

Wonderfully pixelly parcel despatch game.

Remember the MasterMind board game with the little coloured pegs? Online version.

Top Dog World War 1 game. I can see Lord Percy playing this all afternoon.

Beware the Pies of March.

Mini Pool 2.

Speedy Santa – almost certainly easier with a mouse than with a touchpad.

As Davo points out, "Flipper come home" just sounds silly.

New Making Fiends, featuring Carl.

Ancient Greece.

Clever little game.

Weebl and Bob’s History of the World part 3.

Weird Honda-sponsored rabbit and carrot game. Has addiction potential.

Cactus and Son – Halloween Special. Very sweary, as usual.

Making Fiends Halloween game.

Weebl and Bob’s History of the World – part 1 and part 2.

Dave on conkers.
Hmm. Must call Dave when I get paid for the flat.

Making Fiends Episode 12 – a little bit of politics.

Parallel.

Terminator outlaws ferrets – scroll right to the bottom for the classic quote: "I costarred with a ferret in Kindergarten Cop". via 2lmc spool.

Scaryduck on Pinky and The Brain.

Grave Robber.

From Boris Johnson’s shiny new weblog (which is clearly going to be the most avidly watched new blog of 2004 – eat your hearts out Belle de Jour and Wil Wheaton!) comes Boris’s sage advice to women who are experiencing difficult pregnancies – get on the teacups at Legoland. Utter class.

Meanwhile, over at wysiwyg, Steve worries about children’s television.

The Official God FAQ, via LMG.

Almost certainly easier with a mouse than a touchpad.

Bat and Mouse.

Really rather fab Asteroids game.

Steady Jap Hand – ideal for practising your mouse control skills.

Tower Blaster – good mindless fun.

Simple. But difficult.

New Weebl. Niiiiice.

Remember the BBC online picture comedy caption writer? I think he’s still at large.

Making Fiends – episode 11. Without doubt, the best Fiends episode yet.

You know I like simple-yet-infuriating games. Try PixelField.

New Weebl.

BorisWatch – all Boris Johnson, all the time.

Lightning Pool.

Ever wondered where mannequins come from? No, nor had I, but now we all know.

I’m currently reading Bill Bryson’s A Short History Of Nearly Everything. (I know it doesn’t say that in the sidebar. I know I’m bad at updating. Bear with me.)
Today, Scaryduck thoughtfully provides the missing chapter.

No, I don’t know what that title means either.

Anyway, highlight of the day so far was receiving the Uborka Mix CD, a truly yayworthy event if ever there was one.
Lowlight of the week was reducing the flat price again. If it doesn’t sell by the end of the month, then young Dave will probably get a phone call (yes, I know I’ve said that before, but we kept hoping).
And this is bloody difficult.

…Lord Percy, with sightings of Matt and Rachel.
BubbleFun – better in two player format, but worth playing against the server nonetheless.

Kung Fu fighting?

David Fawcett should really be a blogger – I think he’d be very good at it. His pictures are simple, low key and possibly even not that artistically accomplished. But the genius is in the titles and the spirit that they catch. We saw his work at an exhibition in Tunbridge Wells on Saturday – he was there, being immensely jovial and good-natured (and as tall as he depicts himself in his paintings). You can see his work here. I particularly like "Quiet Fart" – I think we’ve all been there.

Caption competition submission at Uborka.

I’ve been at it again. Posting at Uborka. Sorry.

Cactus and Son. Warning: very sweary and guaranteed to offend.

Pokia – retro phones of the future.

Dave on the Railway Hotel.

Bubbles.

Everybody loves Magical Trevor.

Satire by Bob.

The last episode of series one of Making Fiends is out, with a cliffhanger ending! Series two will begin in September, we are told.

…Saddam.

The Office of Anode and Cathode – took me a while but I got there in the end.

Elephant, possibly the most mad game I’ve seen in months.

Come to Norway – more trees than you think.

Two links nicked from Uborka:

• The Phone
• Battle for the Sudan

Broadband is best, kiddies.

Pikea part 3, featuring eyebrows.

Wallpaper* magazine would love some of these.

FourPong – Pong with four paddles and two balls. Possibly the best Pong variant I’ve seen yet.

Zyrx.

The days continue to blend into a sea of work, but at least I was home by 7.15 tonight, and ticked off several major tasks during the day. Coming home to trans-Atlantic answerphone messages is cheering too. As was finding that one of the local papers has got a chunk of editorial about my event this weekend.

• amusing place names near you, via his 2p
• The latest yeti and penguin based silliness
• West Dean have information about my event this weekend on their website – click on "events"
• Salvador Dalik – possibly the best thing on B3ta in ages

Possibly in questionable taste, but this Ronald Reagan tribute is really rather good.

I know it isn’t particularly busy here at the moment – that’s largely because I’ve been entertaining the troops, Vera Lynn stylee, over at Uborka – and there’ll be cocktails there tomorrow.

Latest Lexicon of Luuuurrvve entries:
F is for Flowers
N is for Nudity
W is for Writing

I’ve just been down to Committee Room Number 2 at County Hall to cast my vote – almost certainly the last time I shall do it there. A shame really, as it is rather a beautiful walk to and from there, along Tower Street, with a lovely view of the Cathedral. And speaking of the Cathedral, I passed the bishop on his way to vote as I left.
If that is as interesting as dishwater, then try the latest Weebl.

It’s rare that you get a really good quality spam message these days, advertising a product that might genuinely be useful, but today I received a spam promoting this site, although I’m not sure about the idea of marrying your brother, sister or best friend.

Happiness is buying the latest marketing book.
Happiness is also having a successful meeting with the bank manager, a successful meeting with a client and actually achieving quite a bit today.
Happiness also comes in the form of wasting time on silly games and actually seeing the transit of Venus (with the aid of a welding visor).

You are keeping up with my Incomplete Lexicon of Luuuurrvve over at Uborka, aren’t you?

A is for Amour
P is for Passion

Lord Percy.
Go look at SheepFilms. I’m sure I pointed to it before, but it’s still genius.

Excellent new episode of Making Fiends, featuring the brilliant No.2 Pencil Song.

Weebl and Bob go to the shops. Or do they?

I’m frighteningly short of time for creating content here, so apologies for that.
Even more short of time than me is Lord Percy, who is moving house this week. However, he has found time to do some PhotoShop wizardry on Little Otik:


Which seems as good an opportunity as any to launch a new picture editing competition. (You can find the results from the last one here – apologies for some of the broken image links – they’re on my old desktop which is currently mothballed and won’t resurface until we move in to our new home).

As usual, the prize will be a pack of pickled onion flavour Monster Munch (which, as Ade will vouch, is unlikely to ever be delivered), with firm handshakes for the runners-up.

For all the details, click here.

Nick Bounty – A Case of the Crabs – ideal for wasting an hour or so.

Online Spirograph type thingy.

Weebl’s Kenya – the live action version. (Warning: Quicktime movie).

Random sloganizer.
Hit refresh for more slogans, or enter your own word.
I think we’ve seen this before, but link shamelessly stolen this time from the Spool.

If you use the Brittany Ferries online booking form, it is possible to book a foot passenger with trailer and rear mounted bicycle rack.

Travel comparison for you. I need to get from Gien in France to my office in dear old Blighty.

• train to Caen, ferry to Portsmouth (overnight), train to Chichester – about £100
• train to Paris, Eurostar to Waterloo, train to Chichester – about £200
• train to Paris, Air France to Gatwick, train to Chichester – about £530 (plus metro and train from Gare de Lyon to CDG airport)
• train to Paris, bmi British Midland to Heathrow, tube+train to Chichester – about £65 (plus metro and train as above)

I like easy choices.

Chad army deploys on Sudan border.
We should be taking this seriously, of course, but what a fantastic headline!

(If the country was called Kilroy, this post would make much more sense to American readers).

Froggster.

New Making Fiends.

New Team Laser Explosion.

Addictive puzzle game. That’s made your day utterly unproductive.

How to build a computer for almost nothing at all. Complete with rabbit.

"Holy —, Batman!" phrases by Robin, via Darren. My favourite is "Holy contributing to the delinquency of minors, Batman!", which is pure genius.

We like simple games. Oh yes. But infuriating ones?

New Weebl. Better out than in.

Penguin. Yeti. Sea lions. You know the drill by now. I’ve just scored 337.79 (total 1288.18). Beat that.

New Weebl.

It looks like itsagoal.com is finally rising from the ashes. I predict much wasted time ahead. Thanks to Benj for the headsup.

Like dub? Like playing about with gismos on the web? Then you’ll love this. Turn up the sound and play!

The Life of Yaks. An "educational" film.

Castle Cat, complete with Daffy Duck voiceover.

Keppy-uppy, table tennis stylee.

New Weebl.

It’s ages since we’ve had a new Pong variant. Here’s one that’s dead hard when played with a touchpad.

Sheep dog trials. Mind the tractor.

Asteroids – with knobs on.

Chichester people are smug. Not only that, but we are happy to be better than you too.

We should all live in a shoebox, and eat gum drops EVERY day.

Jelly is not porous.

Penguins, a yeti and a baseball bat is soooooo yesterday, dude.
Penguins, a yeti, snowballs and Orca the Whale is the next big thing, I tells ya.

Satisfy your destructive tendencies with this game.

Official – the world wide web is 37 feet and 10 inches wide. via Mo.

When biscuits go wrong.

Cheap Space Documentary.

Kenya Believe It?

Tom on the subject of shampoo.
Beer tonight with Greg, Aris, Kearn, Paul C and various usual suspects. Gratitude to Julie for the lift home.

Humour over at the ‘spool. I reckon a 304 bra would sell well.

Excuse the continuing silence here. At the moment, I am bringing new meaning to the word "busy".
Amuse yourselves with the latest Weebl until normal service is resumed.

OK, so maybe the world and its wife have linked to this, but Penguin Baseball is fantastic, inducing Stuart Hall style laughing in Graybo Towers.
Alternatively, try some dolphin insanity. Both links via B3ta.

The Wikipedia list of ologies, via Mo. Doesn’t include scatology.

Why work? Play instead! You know you want to!

BBC iCan. Smells of Coates. And further evidence of Auntie’s efforts to have the world’s biggest and most bloated website?

MyPetFat – carry around a lump of fat and get thin! Genius!
(via Meg)

Because you don’t have enough to fill your day already…. Vertigolf.

New Weebl and Blob.

If anyone can explain the purpose of this, I’d be glad. Either way, it’s very pretty if a little drug-fuelled.

Beagle 2 – the true story. via Mike, who lives on in other people’s comment boxes.

hmm.

What Famous Leader Are You?

I find this to be strangely amusing.

Animation links:
Making Fiends Christmas Special.
Bonjour Monsieur – bound to be in the charts soon.
Weebl and Bob Christmas Special.

Who needs expensive gizmos when the Net is full of games like A.Blast that you can play for free?

New Weebl and Bob….. here.

It’s been linked everywhere, but this game is simple, infuriating and wonderfully executed.

Making Fiends episode 6, featuring an extra extra extra extra extra large flea collar.