I didn’t forget the bumfluffchops jibe. I’m just a forgiving person. Or something.

staying up late after three pints and a VRB down the pub, adding to the beer consumed prior to pubwards departure and the post pub beer, coupled with Mark Eitzel on loop, is not good for the spirit. Maybe another VRB will help.

yay!

whilst I can’t say I feel fresh as a daisy this morning, I don’t feel bad considering I sat up until 2.30am, drinking and poking about the net. Don’t think this is likely to be a stressful day though (shouldn’t speak too soon).

late trains for three nights in succession mean that I haven’t been able to get into watersones to buy myself a new book, but here is a review of the last one, Bordersnakes by James Crumley. I’m not normally a big fan of American crime writing, but this is good - gripping and page turning, packed with violence, sex, drugs and much more, with a pretty good plot. OK, not high art, but certainly entertaining. Recommended. A bright orange too.

rather nice to have a little chat on AIM with an old e-friend, Julie - quite possibly the first Graypie that ever was, and still a Graypie now, four years on.

Blogger has been offline for most of the day, which makes updating this site much more difficult. But now it is back online, I don’t really have much to say.

I have spent far too long this evening looking at this with Marcia.

tonight: beer with Arron , Paul F (briefly), Kristian, Joel, Dan, Leah, Hayley, Rebekah and her fella (snogging at the bar - guh), Leroy and his knob (you don’t want to know!), Sally - oh, loads of people. A fun evening - the best laugh in ages.

I am 37% gay, which makes me less gay than average for people of my gender and orientation. but only just. hmm.

arf.

There seems to be some confusion about the target of this post. I thought I might have an inkling, but now I’m not so sure. Meg: the masses demand clarification! (well, if you call me “the masses”!) And if it is about what I now think you are getting at, are you not over-reacting?

woohoo! my team is top of division 17 at itsagoal.com.

I’m going to the races tomorrow. Top tips from all you pundits will be welcome!

Contrary to popular belief, terrorist bombs are not the sole preserve of London. A few years back, the IRA planted and detonated a bomb just down the road in Bognor Regis - the explosion could be heard here at work, five miles away. And even us poor provincial folk are alert - earlier this year, a suspicious package was blown up near the Rousillon Barracks in Chichester, just 500 metres from my home, although it only turned out to be someone’s shopping I think.
It has to be said though: how can anyone possibly respect an organisation that targets pubs in busy streets, or even flower beds in seaside resorts? Compare these two attacks with the Tamil Tigers recent attack on Colombo Airport and air force base - a heavily defended and well guarded site, certainly much harder to target than either of the targets the Republicans have chosen. The Irish terrorists should be careful - the Omagh bombing did more to damage their cause than strengthen it, and they are in danger of making the same mistake again.

Well, it seems I was wrong about that, but no harm done - there was a three-way online virtual hug earlier this evening, which seemed to satisfy nearly everyone.
Except me, of course. I was only satisfied by beer, which tonight was found with Paul F, Kearn, Simon, Jeremy, DA, the ever-youthful Aris, Steve C, Leah, Kristian, Joel - the usual suspects. Sight was also made of an attractive blonde lady I have seen in the bar more than once who I should very much like to get to know - but she was surrounded by undesirables, so I avoided the area, although I noticed she shook them off with grace and ease at the end of the evening. Respect due.

There is another one of those mood-enhancing rains falling on Chichester this evening. Couple that with drinking stupid amounts today and this evening, and my mood becomes *highly* enhanced.

OK - day report:
up early, then ran a few chores and errands before heading round to Ian’s house to go to the races with Ian, Sacha, DAGS, James, Jayne, Dom, Emma, Stein, Simon, Jeremy, Kearn, Paul C and Tam. A disastrous day at the hands of the bookies - two wins and one place did little to offset the losses, but it was good fun nonetheless, and I’ve been flattered by the number of people who said I looked “sharp” in my blazer, smart trews, shirt and new yellow tie.
Then back to Ian’s in DAGS’s sick car before heading to Pizza Express for a very relaxing meal, followed by beers in the Nags and W2 in the company of the aforementioned posse, plus Matt, Clive, DA, Paul F, Arron, Tim W, Joel, Simone and new-person-behind-the-bar-Katy.
Now I’m absolutely exhausted. The last thing I want to do is go to work tomorrow. It doesn’t help that I am less than bouyant, although that is probably drink-induced (and rain aided).

I’ve been pondering what makes girls my age “tick”. I’m mentally working towards a long post on the subject, so don’t all rush to comment just yet. But Angie has posted this which has given another angle and some food for thought.

I’ve just caught up with the rest of humanity and downloaded WinAmp and now sit listening to online radio as I work. And it is truly evil, as I’ve already noted four albums that I want to buy - spend! spend! spend!

Further proof (if any were needed) that my ongoing policy regarding older women is entirely justified. Although 27 years might be stretching it a bit, I think I could make that sacrifice in this instance.

Another all new meme from Meg? who knows?

• “that’ll be 45p, please”
• “tickets from Chichester please”
• “why do they always put them at the bottom?”
• “meow”
• “do you want your coffee here, over there or up the top?”
• “morning”
• “can you plug two PCs into that socket?”
• “why don’t you take a copy from that? then I can throw the original away”
• “is there something sweet smelling in here? is it you?”
• “you can’t really take a bath ballistic into the shower, I find”

Hmmm. I guess more people talk to Meg than to me. At least, they have more interesting things to say.

sorry, not had much to say the last few days, which is the result of

• being tired
• being uninspired
• spending too much time listening to Groove Salad at Soma FM
• being busy at work

I’m still working on that “what makes girls tick” post, though I get a feeling it could turn into a lifetime’s work, a magnum opus.

ooooo - got a brochure for the Chichester Film Festival - lots of really good stuff, most of which I’ll probably not get to see (best intentions and all that). Several world and British premieres as usual - it’s such a good festival, and we’re damned lucky to have it in Chichester.

oooo ooo - I know the answer! I know the answer!

When I was a child, my brother used to keep a weblog using a PC he built at home using only fish paste, elastic bands and a hamster. Of course, back in those days, there weren’t many other PCs for people to read your blog, especially not hamster-compliant ones.
Thinking about this got me onto the subject of fish paste, and how turbot flavour is my favourite.
What’s your favourite?

Make your child a walking billboard.
To be honest, what is the difference between this and clothing your child in Gap sweaters or a Coca-Cola t-shirt, for example? Not an awful lot, if you ask me. However, a company would have to be pretty needy of publicity to go down the avenue of naming a child.

UPDATE: since I typed this, the Festival website has been updated with a full programme and details of all the films. If they’d done it yesterday, it would have saved me the effort. guh.

By popular request: a list of films to be shown as part of the Chichester Film Festival:

• Ali Zaoua
• All About My Mother (Todo sobre Mi Madre)
• Amelie from Montmartre (Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulain) (English premiere)
• Around the World in 70 Minutes (eight animated shorts for children, including three UK premieres)
• As You Like It (new print from the National Film and Television Archives)
• Atlantis: The Last Empire (preview prior to general release)
• Audition
• Bad Beasts and Creepy Creatures (ten animated shorts for children, including three Tex Avery classics)
• Baise-Moi (preview before general release - and yes, the title is French for Fuck Me)
• Barry Lyndon (as part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Battle Royale (English premiere)
• The Believer (English premiere)
• Bona Cornucopia - the best of Kenneth Williams (part of London Lesbian and Gay Festival on Tour (LLGF))
• Britflicks (eight British animated shorts for children)
• Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte des Loups)
• By Means of Music - talk by Tony Palmer on the use of music by Stanley Kubrik
• Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - with John Madden (director)
• Cats and Dogs
• The Center of the World
• Central Station (Central do Brasil)
• The Children’s Midsummer Night’s Dream - introduced by Oliver Stockman (producer)
• Chorus of Disapproval (part of Michael Winner day, including an appearance by the man himself)
• The Circle (Dayereh) (English premiere)
• A Clockwork Orange (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Crocodile Dundee in L.A.
• Terence Davies Trilogy (part of Terence Davies day, featuring a live interview)
• Death Wish (part of Michael Winner day)
• Distant Voices, Still Lives (part of Terence Davies day)
• Dr Strangelove (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Escape to Life (preview before general release. Part of LLGF)
• Eureka (English premiere)
• Eyes Wide Shut (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Farewell My Concubine (Ba Wang Bie Ji)
• Fat Girl (A Ma Soeur!) (English premiere)
• Ghost World (English premiere)
• The Girl (preview before general release. Part of LLGF)
• The House of Mirth - introduced by Terence Davies.
• I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘Is Name (part of Michael Winner day)
• Il Postino
• The Isle (Seom)
• The Jokers (part of Michael Winner day)
• Kolya
• La Bete (The Beast) (complete with scenes of “excessive ejaculations!”)
• La Ville est Tranquille (The Town Is Quiet) (English premiere)
• Life is Beautiful (La Vita Bella)
• Little Otik (Otesanek)
• The Long Day Closes (part of Terence Davies day)
• Lucky Break (English premiere)
• Maelstrom (British premiere)
• The Magic Pudding
• Me, You, Them (Et Tu Eles)
• The Monkey’s Mask (preview before general release - part of LLGF)
• The Neon Bible (part of Terence Davies day)
• New Year’s Day
• The Nightcomers (part of Michael Winner day)
• Pandaemonium
• The Parole Officer
• Paths of Glory (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Peaches
• Presque Rien (Almost Nothing) (preview before general release - part of LLGF)
• The Princess Diaries (preview before general release)
• Romance
• The Score (British premiere)
• The Shining (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• Shrek
• Sidewalks of New York
• Stanley Kubrik - A Life In Pictures - introduced by Jan Harlan (director)
• 2001: A Space Odyssey (part of Kubrik retrospective)
• 2001: The Making of a Myth
• Urbania (preview before general release - part of LLGF)
• Watch With Mother (eight animated shorts for children - including The Wombles, Bagpuss, Captain Pugwash, The Clangers, Roobarb - likely to attract a lot of 30-somethings!)
• What’s Cooking
• …plus 25 short films shown together with a feature

There is no way in the world I am going to get to see all the films that I want to. I also need a few days to get my head around the programme and decide what I want to see. But an impressive line-up, you have to agree.
The Festival runs from 23 August to 9 September. If you want a copy of the programme, I suggest you send a large (at least A5) self-addressed envelope, with a couple of first class stamps stuck on it, to Chichester Cinema at New Park, New Park Road, Chichester PO19 1XN

Soooo tired. Serves me right for sitting up half the night chatting with Graypies.

Cricket fans: this will prevent you from doing any useful work all day.

This afternoon, one of the ugliest women I have ever had the displeasure of seeing said that I was a “very handsome man”. On the one hand, this is naturally flattering. On the other, it is quite horrifying. I don’t mean to be unkind when I say that she was ugly, merely truthful. Even my mother (who was standing nearby) was quite mortified. To be honest, I couldn’t get out of that room fast enough.

sorry for lack of updates - haven’t been near a PC all day. And now I’m going to the pub.
More tomorrow (or later if I feel like it).

beer tonight with Arron, Sarah, Joel, Dan, Simone, Leah, Kristian, Steve C, Dec, Graham VS and Sal. Amusing, but not much to report.

The fluorescent tube in my kitchen is dysfunctional. It flickers on and off making “bzzzzzt” noises. I think it is trying for a bit part in a 60s B movie starring Warren Oates.

Busy again today. Updates later if I can.

Tomorrow I’m taking the day off and going to West Dean (which is just up the road from Chichester) for the Chilli Fiesta - 200 varieties of chillis, chilli foods, chilli beer, chilli plants - anything chilli related really. Seems a good opportunity to turn red and sweat a lot!

Beer last night with Sarah, Brenda, Greg, DA and Kearn. Also sighted: Paul S, Anne, Simone, Kristian and Katy. Everyone was on top form, so there was some side-splitting laughing going on.

Archinect launches its first design competition, and it isn’t just for architects in the traditional sense. Designers of just about any sort can enter physical or digital designs for a “communication booth”. Sounds interesting - I’ll be looking out for the results.

Well, the Chilli Fiesta was excellent. For such a small event, a hell of a lot was packed in and there was a huge number of people there. I consumed a fantastic dish involving pork and chilli, which resulted in me turning scarlet, eyes watering, sweating profusely but feeling great! Beer was also taken, and purchases made of sauces, peppers and suchlike. If you can get to West Dean tomorrow for day 2, then go - highly recommended.

Dinner tonight in the Nags with the parents, my brother, sister-not-in-law and the nursery staff and their husbands. This was followed by beer in W2 and Cafe Metro with Clive (happy birthday!), DA, Kearn, Matt, Ian, the lovely Susan, Amanda, Julie, Dom, James, Anthony, Dan, Claudette and Paul S. Most worrying when Julie, who I have only met briefly before tonight, walks up and says “I’m not going to tell you anything because it’ll end up on the web”. I can do discretion you know!

Another quiet day. Bit tired after last night’s excesses. Nothing much to say.

Terre des Hommes - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I Am The Greatest - A House

Today is the birthday of an ex-girlfriend from several years ago. We are still in touch, albeit infrequently these days and only digitally. We lived together for just over a year and a half. It wasn’t always a happy relationship, but we had some really good times.
I learnt a lot during our time together, not least that you should not regret what you have done. It may have been better if you had made another decision, but you can always say that with the benefit of hindsight. The fact is that you made the right decision at the time, based on the circumstances you were in, the information you had, the emotions you were feeling.
Happy birthday Kate.

Beer tonight with the wonderfully gorgeous Michelle, the stunning Simone and …ummm… Arron. Joel, Dan and John also seen in action. Michelle has joined the exclusive club of people who live within 5 minutes walk of the bar, so I can see her bank balance going seriously into the red! And Simone is having her leaving party on Tuesday, so Woodies regulars will be expected to be in the bar and prepared to go to Thursdays (horrid club) afterwards. I’ll miss Simone - she has a great sense of humour.

hmm. It’s monday and it’s the 13th. That has to be a bad combination.

I was (unusually) driving to work this morning. As I was driving into Barnham, this woman in a red car came racing up behind me and was “all over my backside”. Being the sort of bloody minded person that I am, I drove at exactly 30 miles per hour. Where did she choose to overtake me? Right by the only speed camera for miles. *FLASH*. Serves her right.

I’ve only just spotted this story, but Luke has done the gag I wanted to do already.

The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette. Thanks to Meg for pointing this out to me - please don’t ask how Meg and I got to talking about urinal etiquette. It all started with an innocent conversation about trains, honest! (how Freudian is that?!)

I’m weak. Just been and purchased Suzuki by Tosca (no weblink at the moment - the !K7 site is down. Although you can check here at Amazon). And it is very very good.

This is the first opportunity I’ve had to get near a PC today, and it’ll only be brief. I’ve been busy busy busy.
Remember that song - “Things That Make You Go Hmmmm” (who did that? I can’t remember). Today, something made me go hmmmm.

I’m tired. I’m confused. I’m a bit down. I need to sleep. Stuff is happening. Shit. More soon, when I have my head sorted.

Beers last night (in case you couldn’t tell from the drunken rambling I posted here at 12.10am) with Arron, Sarah, Simone, Claudette, Joel, Dan, Michelle, DA, Kearn, Paul F (back from hols), Kev and Andrea. I chose not to go on to Thursdays for various reasons, which I think was a good decision. However, in spite of that I am still tired this morning, which I guess is my own fault.

I’ve been asked by the publishers of this book to check for mistakes in the picture captions. All I can say is this: it’s a shame they didn’t get it checked before it was published, as I have found errors in 25% of the pictures in the Geraniums section. Not just tiny errors either, but big glaring ones. And although I’ve not been asked to look at it, the text seems to be littered with mistakes too.
Not good. Not good at all.

Bark Psychosis. You don’t hear them on the radio much these days.

Newly discovered. With attitude too. I like, lots.

There are some nights which are absolutely lovely, and tonight was one of them. A long, gentle evening of chat, laughs, anecdotes and good company with Fi, sitting in the twilight in the corner of the courtyard at Sadlers, catching up on life and stories and gossip and “stuff”. I am blessed with fantastic friends.
And for icing on the cake, just as we were leaving, I bumped into Becs, who I haven’t seen since she and Chris left Woodies to go and run a restaurant together. They are going to be at Claudette’s forthcoming Bouncy Castle Party, which, it has to be said, is not to be missed.

One of the advantages of having met a few of the UKBloggers™ is that sometimes you read something they have written and can actually hear them saying it.

good news!

Been out of the office for most of the day, so no opportunity to write anything here. Not that I have much to say at the moment.
Apparently there is karaoke in the Nags tonight for Dave(the landlord)’s birthday. I’m not inspired, so might skip it. I could do with a cheap and early night anyway, as tomorrow night threatens to be expensive (more on that later, if I feel like revealing anything).

Oh yeh, football season just about upon us, so here are my fantasy teams for this year.
In Andi Turner’s Fantasy Football (which Nico put me on to) (henceforth referred to as AFF):

In the Telegraph Fantasy Football (henceforth referred to as TFF), the team looks like this:

As you can see, there are some similarities between the two teams, with a few well known names and a couple of wildcards too. These are only the starting lineups, so there will be transfers during the season, although AFF rules allow for far fewer transfers than TFF. Weekly reports will be posted here, as usual.
And in other football related news, my team is 4 points clear at the top of division 17 at itsagoal.com, which is nice.

This story is being treated as amusing by most of the news agencies that are covering it, but it is actually a serious problem for public gardens and nurseries. I’ve seen people take cuttings, flowers and even whole plants and put them in their pocket or bag, both at the nursery and elsewhere. The trouble is, even taking cuttings is a theft - and the cumulative damage can be considerable. Imagine a garden like the one in the article - it receives 60,000 visitors each year - if each one of them took a cutting, it wouldn’t be long before the garden was reduced to bare earth.
We have a policy at work - if we catch anyone taking a cutting, we charge them as if they were buying a fully grown plant (so that is around £5 - £10). I think if other gardens and nurseries imposed similar punitive measures, this sort of thing would cease. I’ve even heard that it is common practice amongst some garden visitors to carry scissors, plastic bags and even labels to facilitate theft!

Well done to Simon.
The CIM had another go at trying to give me a heart attack this morning when another envelope arrived from them - once I’d got over the omigoditsmyresults stage and opened the envelope, I found it was only ballot papers for committee members of something. However, tomorrow should be another story.
UPDATE: apparently the CIM Education Department answering machine (because clearly it is too much trouble to have a person on the phone around results time) says that results are due in the last week of August - i.e. next week, and not today (so that we receive them tomorrow). The CIM is worse than useless - for an organisation that promotes good customer service and customer orientation, they treat their members really shabbily.
FURTHER UPDATE: apparently the CIM are telling some people that results will not be mailed out until 31st August, so we won’t get them until 1st September. grr.

Just when you thought the world was strange enough, Nick gets a food-obsessed stalker.

More from Nick, bless ‘im!

Went for drinks and dinner in Soho last night. Had a brilliant evening, full of good company, good conversation and an improbable amount of good Chinese food. Already I am looking forward to the next occasion.

Utter bollocks. Apparently, the fact that more than half of the users of friendsreunited.co.uk are women is a reflection of the fact that men don’t have friends with whom they discuss personal topics. Well, I certainly have friends (of both sexes) with whom I discuss personal topics, and I don’t think I’m unrepresentative.

Idle thought: if you can feel listless, why do you never feel listful? Ditto ruthless/ruthful, wonderful/wonderless.

Tomorrow, I’ll be getting up stupidly early to go and organise a plant fair at Pashley Manor Gardens, Ticehurst, East Sussex. Hopefully the weather will be better than the forecast. See you there?

Well, in spite of the fact it blew a gale, poured with rain, and was thoroughly miserable and uncomfortable, the plant fair was less than a disaster, although it was far from a success.
And, aside from all that, I’m in a bloody good mood.

I’m feeling all sentimental this morning. Not sure why - could be because of the silly chain mail that was in my inbox this morning about “the good old days”; maybe because it is my parents 41st wedding anniversary today and they had loads of greetings in the mail inbox when I switched on this pc - all from distant relatives in far-flung corners of the world; maybe because I heard today that the wife of someone I know through work has been admitted to hospital with breast cancer; perhaps because I’m thinking a lot about someone at the moment. I’m tired too after yesterday, so I guess I’m vulnerable to sentimentality.
Whatever the reason, I don’t think it is a bad thing at all.

I’m not only feeling sentimental, but my concentration levels are low as well.
I think that sending emails to friends will help (arf!).

Of course, parsley is traditionally used in Italian and other Mediterranean cookery as an antidote to garlic. It very effectively nullifies the halitosis-inducing qualities of that bulb, even in dried form. And it also adds a pleasant freshness to new potatoes. But then, I am a fan of parsley - always have been, since I used to nab sprigs of it from my father’s plants in our garden when I was a child.

and on the subject of food, I think that Nick is doing this deliberately.

I’ve just had an idea. More in the coming days and weeks.

I’ve just been giving Mo some advice about his Yucca plant, and began pondering the way that they have this ability to revert to a sort of log-like stasis, and then spring back to life as soon as they are fed, watered and generally cared for. Wouldn’t it be handy if people could do this? Tom could become a log until he gets a new job, which would certainly cut down on the household bills.

As further proof that I am so busy that I don’t have time to do all the blog reading that I would like to, I am a few days late in getting my congratulations in to Fredshead. And that is still, in my opinion, the best American blog by miles.