Blogger is not well, and I, for one, am worried. Blogger provides an excellent service - ok, it has its ups and downs, but overall, it’s pretty good. But I’m worried that if the service appears weak, people will switch to alternatives like Greymatter, or even Atomz Publish, and then the commercial future of Blogger will be *really* weak. I’m surprised that Ev didn’t see this coming - as a marketer, I hold to the basic tenet that if you have a good idea, some bugger will come along and do it better. The trick is to do it better yourself before they have a chance. In the case of Blogger, the “do it better” trick is to do it *and* make money.
But then, if even the big players on the web can’t make money, what hope is there?

Went out last night for a beer and met up with Paul F. Put the world to rights, and actually (hold your breath) cheered up! Well, a little bit anyway.

hmm. It seems that Grayblog has been nominated for an award in the Anti-Bloggies, presumably in the “most depressing weblog” category. And I probably could have walked it if I hadn’t consigned all the really depressing stuff to a dusty corner of the web where you can’t see it. Well, if the judges really want to see it, and if there is a real chance that I might win a prize, they had best ask me….although isn’t this just by popular vote? in which case, no tearful acceptance speeches for me.

Just got a spam mail (”LOWEST RATE LOANS EVER!!!!”) which features the following as the email signature:
“Let us continue to suppose that any exponential Folklife coefficient requires considerable systems analysis and trade-off studies to arrive at the greater fight-worthiness concept. Presumably, any associated supporting element delimits the sophisticated hardware. Of course, the product assurance architecture recognizes the importance of other disciplines, while taking into account the overall negative profitability. In respect to specific goals, the earlier discussion of deviance appears to correlate rather closely with problems of phonemic and morphological analysis. From the intercultural viewpoint, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics is holistically compounded, in the context of the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex symbol. Based on my own fieldwork in Guatemala, a large proportion of intercultural communicative coordination adds explicit performance limits to nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory.”
hmm. Educated spammers?

Last night I went for a few beers after college with my tutor - not being sucky, you realise, but just having a few jars and putting the world to rights. Conversation revolved around relationships (what else?), college, getting older and music. All very interesting, I must say.
Tonight’s plan - ah, yes, more beer. Splendid.

Really depressed today, so if anyone has any ideas for cheering me up, go right ahead.

I was beginning to lighten up, then I heard something which has completely thrown my plans for this evening upside-down and made me feel very very miserable indeed, to the extent of crying. If this was the old Grayblog, I’d tell you all about it, but I’m determined not to get back to that.
Thanks for the cheering-up tips - favourite so far is this. Pity that the cheering up has now been utterly negated.

I must be more cheerful, I must be more cheerful, I can beat this, I can get through it.
yeh, right.

Robyn has been picking me up on my incorrect usage of its and it’s. And normally it is me that moans about that. Go here for a definitive set of guidelines on the correct usages.
I think I’ve corrected all the errors, but if you spot any more, let me know. Keeps me busy at least.

re-design news: I know you are all awaiting the new-look Grayblog/Grayblogzuki with baited breath. Well, I can now report that I have decided on a design style - all I have to do is implement it. This process is likely to take longer than I’d hoped as I’ve got quite a bit on my plate at work, but do watch this space. For those that hadn’t realised, you are currently looking at a stop-gap design which will kick around until the new one appears - yes I know it is only a minor variation on the old Grayblog, but I’m short of time and enthusiasm and energy at the moment - and not just because of work (I think you know that).

what a weekend! I think I have undone a month’s worth of dieting in just 72 hours. blurph.
there will be a full update here soon, but I’m a bit busy today. just as well, as being busy stops me thinking, and I’m not especially positive today.

ok, weekend report:
Friday
went out (with some apprehension which was, ultimately, not justified) to the bar and then on to the Nag’s to see Paul F and the band play. Bumped into Jo and there was also the usual crowd there, which was nice. All, as usual, did their level best to keep me cheerful, and overall were pretty successful.
Saturday
stirred really quite early and caught train to London. met up with my cousin Gemma at Victoria and went for coffee in Covent Garden, a mooch around the National Gallery, lunch in Soho, shopping on Regents Street, drinks in Soho, dinner in Blackheath (where Gemma lives), drinks in Blackheath and then crashed at hers. I say “crashed”, as we started drinking at 4ish and by the time we got there we were pretty trollied.
Sunday
stirred quite late (although it was still morning, so I guess that isn’t bad following our exploits the previous day) and zombied our way into town. Went to the British Museum and zombied our way through some of the rooms after having lunch in the new Great Court (which is very impressive). Then we zombied into the restaurant and zombied some tea, followed by zombie-ing round a few more rooms. Got to around 5pm and gave up, both feeling utterly knackered and also worried about getting home easily with impending tube strike.
Thanks Gemma - great weekend. Cheered me up quite a bit, although there was a moment or two when I really wished that a certain someone was there too, even if that certain someone would have *hated* the “old stuff”. The worst moment was at Victoria, waiting for my train back home - god, Victoria can be *so* depressing.
Anyway, got back home and then headed down to W2 for a private party to which I had been sort-of invited. It was good - a few friends, a few beers (livvvveeeerrr!) and a spot of relaxation before crashing into bed around 12.

whilst staying at Gemma’s, I had a very bizarre dream….it went something like this:
I was in the metalwork workshop at my old secondary school. I wasn’t actually there - no corporeal presence - but I could see and hear everything. It had been converted into a science lab. It was a beautiful day - I could see the perfect blue sky through the skylight. The room was populated by a tutor and several students. I became aware of a helicopter in the sky. The thing that struck me most about the helicopter was that it was white - pure, perfect, pristine, brilliant, unblemished white.
The helicopter flew down, and was attempting to land on the roof of the building. But it wasn’t going well, and one of the skids smashed through the skylight, sending glass everywhere. Everyone just stood transfixed - no screaming, no panic. The helicopter toppled over the edge of the roof, the rotor still turning, burning aviation fuel pouring everywhere, billowing black smoke, grey steam and bright orange flame. And yet the helicopter remained perfectly, beautifully, utterly, brilliantly…white and I was transfixed.

Now what the heck does that all mean? Interpretations welcome.

Darn. Didn’t win an Anti-Bloggie. Also, apparently, all the votes for me were cast by one person, although she denies this. hmmmm.

Atomz (who provide the natty little search feature in the navbar of this site) record for me what people search for. Most of it is fairly innocuous, but last week someone did a search for the word “twatface”. This is not a word I generally use. I may refer to certain people as “a complete twat” or even “twonk”, but “twatface” isn’t something I’d say.
At least if they search again they will get a result now.

It comes to something when you feel that you need body armour to tackle a journey to work. like Meg probably feels at the moment. And it’s not an exclusively London-in-a-tube-strike type thing either. I read this story the other day - I mean, the guy was doing his job, and for that he got stabbed with a Stanley knife. He was on the train that passes me as I wait at Barnham station for my train home. I’ve seen it happen before, and even been caught up in it once or twice (although it’s always been verbal abuse when I’ve seen it). Scary to think that people reckon they can get out of paying for a train ticket by stabbing the guard.

ok, I’m starting to get really melancholy now. I’ve been reminded that there are several important birthdays imminent that I will be expected to attend and so will certain other people that it really hurts to see together. I don’t want to miss the birthdays because the people concerned are very important, and I know that the “certain other people” will feel that way too, but at the same time, I’m still coming to terms with what they did to me. It’s really hard to face them, but face them I must when it comes to these birthdays, and face them without spoiling things for the birthday person.
Inner strength. hmm.

source of sexual discourse??? (for the benefit of newbies, ILATGB is a synonym for Grayblogzuki).

all I can say is “ack”. blogging after going to the pub is never a good plan, particularly if you are feeling as melancholy as me.
anyway, went to see “the band” (Could Be Good) play the Fountain, and they were their usual selves, which is nice. Bumped into Kearn and Ian and also extracted a beer from Paul, so a worthwhile night out.
now listening to Mr John Peel before heading to bed for sleep - actually slept very very solidly last night for the first time in four weeks and I feel that I might do the same again tonight - I think my body has just had enough of all this and really can’t cope any more.

interesting to read Ev’s blow-by-blow account of his fight to keep Blogger alive and kicking. It’s as if the poor guy is clinging onto the wall of the abyss by just his fingernails, and (as I’m re-reading it at the moment) reminds me of Douglas Coupland’s Microserfs and their battle with “Oop!”.
Actually, I can’t help but think that Microserfs may actually be part of the inspiration for the whole weblog culture anyway.

TPL update: 39 points this week. Total now: 646. Scholes and Butt out, Bowyer and Keane in. Only six more transfers to last the remaining 15 weeks of the season.

Today is Singles Day, and like many other people, I’ll be celebrating this and not Hell-for-Singles Day that is a week today. Funny that Hallmark haven’t cottoned on to this one yet.
Anyhow, as usual, I’m looking for suggestions for appropriate ways to celebrate.

just added another to the list of “preferred blogs” in the navbar - digitaltrickery. Any guy that moans about Tesco is a nice bloke in my book. All hail Waitrose!
ack - this could be a long day.

ok, this whole Singles Day/Valentines Day is starting to throw up some interesting stuff:
Paul does a survey of ukbloggers to find out the ratio of single to attached. I’ve voted “single” although of course when I started out, I was “attached”.
Meanwhile, Meg with help from Dave creates bile-filled Valentines Cards. Great.

when I came past Chichester Magistrates Court this morning, on my way to work, a crowd of about 50 or so reporters and photographers were there, with a handful of policemen. By 10am, when the man accused of murdering Sarah Payne was brought to court, rent-a-mob was there in force.
There is no dignity in what they and the countless fools who left flowers by the side of the A29 last year (where 8 year old Sarah’s body was found) have done, and it certainly adds no value to the life that was lost. Instead we should be working to create a society where everyone has respect for the rights of every other person, be they male, female, gay, straight, black, white, young or old. That is not achieved through ridiculous token gestures, or worse, a descent into barbarism.

Nico has pointed out a problem with my code. Hopefully all is well now. Thanks.
UPDATE: oops - bad link to Nico now fixed. Sorry. Also, I’ve only fixed the bug on the Blogger-maintained pages, so the about page, my CV and meetlinks are all unrepaired - will fix them in the morning.

tonight, a soft and gentle rain is falling on Chichester. It is more like June than February, and is a brilliant mood enhancer. I have the feeling that the “old world order” is falling away from my life, and a new order is about to impose itself. Things which for the last year at least, and in some cases things from the last 15 to 20 years, things that I have taken as granted and stable are proving not to be so. Life is changing in ways I can barely comprehend, let alone deal with. New challenges and new opportunities are becoming evident, and, as a naturally reserved person who enjoys stability, this is a slightly disturbing concept. I really need someone to hug and be a point of stability to work from. I know that the first half of that sentence seems a bit weak (the hugging part), but I crave some physical contact, the feeling that I’m not alone. As for the second part of that sentence (the point of stability bit), well, I’m the sort of person who usually does not respond well to changes in circumstance, and prefers things to be cosy, and yet challenging, and it’s always easier to deal with change when you have a point of reference, of stability, to work from.
I guess that the challenge and the cosy are missing right now.
…and I feel very alone…
UPDATE:
don’t feel quite so alone now (following morning), probably because the beer has worn off. It has to be said that drinking does nothing to enhance the mood. Not that I’ve been drinking gallons, just a couple of pints, but that’s enough to be a bit of a downer. Besides, why should I feel alone? I’ve got some great mates who have been really patient and supportive during the recent melancholies. Basically I just need to give myself a good shake and stride purposefully into the future (whatever that may be).

quiet day today

Paul’s survey of the relationship status of ukbloggers reveals that 60% are single. Not a shocking result (although I thought it might be higher). So, if 60% are single, with at least one common interest, do I see bloggerdating on the horizon? Scary thought.

Last night’s amusement: when at college, occasionally we have to act out role-play scenarios. In last night’s scenario, I had to play the part of someone suffering from Tourette Syndrome - being able to legitimately shout obscenities in front of a roomful of people was actually quite cathartic!

not doing well in the cheerfulness department again at the moment, so anyone with cheery ideas - well, you know what to do.

the floodwaters have started rising again in Chichester. The Lavant is level with the top of the banks around the college area, and has actually flooded about a third of the car park. And it’s flowing at quite a speed too. More rain forecast as well - will it ever end?

A beautiful sunny day with glorious skies….ruined only by having to spend it in the office completing a sales declaration for the bloody HDC. ugh.
Anyway, should be out for a beer tonight, although not sure who else is around - Sarah at least, probably one or two others as well.
Not going into the office this weekend - instead it’ll be a bit of work on the new Grayblog, lunch here and there, maybe some college homework, tidying up the flat, and possibly going for a walk. See how it goes.

following on from my rant the other day about dignity, I think that the people involved in this story, especially Lucie’s father, have acted with amazing levels of dignity in the face of absolutely horrifying circumstances.

last night, headed down the bar and drank in the company of James, Kearn, Arron and Paul - decidedly lacking in female company. Still, going to put that right later today by having lunch with Sarah and possibly DAGS if she is about.
Paul is still ragging me about describing Could Be Good as “nice” and says he is thinking about changing the name of the band to “Could Be Nice” - which, now that I think about it, is actually quite catchy in a camp kinda way.

in the face of Valentine’s Day cutesy yuck, Robyn offers the world half-sucked sweets. neat.

most irritating moment of the day so far: purchasing a sealed CD (the Goldfrapp album) from MVC only to find out when I get it home that the case is empty. guh. and worse still, they don’t have another one on stock and so I’ve had to order the replacement. double guh. so deferred new-music-enjoyment for me.

best bit of the day so far: having a couple of beers and lunch with Sarah.

least anticipated bit of the day so far: going to the bar tonight (which is good) but wondering who will be there (which may not be so good).

most regretted bit of the last 24 hours: not talking to that nice girl with the black hair and pretty smile who was stood by the kitchen door in W2 last night. not that seeing someone new at the moment would be a good idea at all, as I’m still all tied up inside over the one that went before. did a few cathartic things in the last 24 hours though, and managed not to cry about them until this morning - which is good in a funny kinda way.

Very, very sad indeed.

a night filled with:
- good friends
- good company
- pain
- tears
- heartache
- a glimmer of hope

god knows what the future holds. I used to think that there could be stability and you could at least plan vaguely, but now I know that isn’t true and, for me at least, can never be true. all I know is that the feeling of massive change is still surrounding me, and I really don’t know how to deal with it. just take it as it comes I guess. I wish someone was here to hold me and tell me I’m doing the right thing.

I’m shattered. This emotional rollercoaster is hard work. Last night was really hard work, filled as I was with the feeling of being loved and also the feeling of not being loved, by various people. My friends were, as usual, absolutely fantastic. I’ve found over the past few weeks who the really good friends truly are, and I’ve also found a few new friends too.
But the hurt is deep, and I’m going to need time to heal.
Right now, though, I think I’ll take a snooze before heading down the bar later for a quiet pint.

Mum and Dad have been here for most of the day. Dad has installed the last of my new light fittings (although one of them broke, which was slightly alarming (they cost £50 each) - but we’ve effected a repair which we shall finish next week probably) and we all went for lunch at The Vestry, which is really very good.
Other than that, I’ve been reading through my new HTML4 reference book which is actually proving to be quite useful, and is, in the words of one Amazon reviewer moving me from “moderate status to advanced”, which is nice. Actually, I’m considering learning a scripting language in order to expand my knowledge and ability at web design, and I know a couple of folks in that trade read this site from time-to-time. So any tips? I was wondering what might be the most useful language for me to learn (bearing in mind my limited resources of time and cash) and what opinons or hints anyone might have.

bearing in mind that I will be “celebrating” my 30th birthday just three months from tomorrow (that’s the 12th of May - gorrit?), I’ve been busy updating my Amazon wishlist - of course, there is no obligation upon readers blah blah blah….

sound advice, I’m sure, but in Chichester there is little choice. Unless you’ve booked your black cab (actually about a third of them are red) around seven to ten years in advance of actually needing it, you won’t get one. And since my fair city is the home of the world’s oldest private carriage company, at least you feel that the cab operators are experienced.

beers last night in the company of Paul F, Bruno, Aris and Claudette. Topics for discussion included:
- the internet
- web design
- marketing strategies
- working from home
- Grayblog
- narcolepsy and agoraphobia
A mixed bag, I think you’ll agree.

feeling very Monday-ish this morning. Apart from a few high points (beer last night and Friday, lunch yesterday and Saturday), the weekend was unremittingly crap. I am so tired and in need.

today I’m feeling less “Monday” and more “Tuesday”, which may be related to the fact that I slept very soundly last night (apart from waking up after yet another bizarre dream, the details of which are fuzzy) and that the sun is shining. However, I am definitely a long way from having that “Friday” feeling.
for those that don’t know, Tuesdayness is a slightly toned down version of feeling crap on a Monday.

BlogFinder is potentially useful - although when I typed in “Grayblog” and “Graybo”, both searches showed up a bunch of other sites but not this one.

From my Atomz search request logs…highly amusing, I’m sure. Will the person or persons responsible for this, please stand up.

Week of February 4 to February 10 11 total searches, 11 phrases (1 to 11)
Graph	Count	Phrase	Results Count
	1	buster gonad	7
	1	chickenhead	0
	1	do you really read these search requests	7
	1	graybo is my hero	7
	1	groke	0
	1	i m bored now goodbye	5
	1	jesus shut the fuck up will you	7
	1	look enough is enough just stop now	7
	1	music	7
	1	stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop	4
	1	thinning hair why not wear a hat	8

today is a beautiful sunny day with perfect blue skies - ideal conditions for watching the International Space Station go overhead, complete with space shuttle Atlantis docked on. For those in the south of England, it should be visible for about three minutes, moving from west to east, sometime around 6.11pm tonight.

had a good look at the ISS - it wasn’t as bright as I expected, but certainly very obvious - and, blimey, it doesn’t half shift! one horizon to the other in a bit more than three minutes.
actually, looking at the tiny point of light, rushing along, and thinking about the fact that there are *people* up there, framed against the inky blue of the sky, tends to make you think. not sure what it makes you think of, but it does make you think.
more worrying, as I was standing on the city wall looking at the ISS, I spotted a white helicopter flying by. now *that* did make me think!

ok, the whole Atomz search thing is getting out of hand.
now, whatever is wrong with e-mail as a means of communication?
but, in answer to some of the questions posed:
- I use Blogger rather than Greymatter because I was a cheapskate and didn’t bother with cgi when buying hosting from Easyspace, but I’m seriously considering upgrading and changing.
- thinning hair would possibly be alleviated by wearing a twat….I’ll consider it further.
- I am *trying* to deal with it, but it isn’t easy, ok?
- if they were amusing, I may consider publishing them every week. but they would have to improve considerably.
- irony, infamy, paranoia - probably a combination of all three.
- I don’t really care if you identify yourself or not, but I think it is probably pretty pathetic if you don’t. I have a shrewd suspicion anyway.

right, like I said. joke over, back to the e-mail please.

just over a month ago, the “about the cast” section on the “about Graybo” page had extended details on the four most important people in my life. I’ve already lost the two most important. Today I think I’ve lost another, and this time it’s my own fault.
Last night I went to the bar to be quizzed by a friend about Saturday night’s events - he meant well, but I really didn’t want to talk about it. I then went home to bed and had a restless night punctuated by a long and vivid dream involving a certain someone. This morning, my post consisted of one lousy piece of crap from the district council. Then I get to work to find that I’ve totally offended one of my most important friends and the last word of communication from that person was “Bye”.
How the hell can things possibly get worse? No, don’t answer that. I have a pretty shrewd idea.

well, the good news is that I’ve not lost that other important friend - she’s fairly pissed off with me, but she’s not going to desert me forever, which is a relief. I think she knows that I’m sorry - guh, I’m useless.
on a plus point, a kind soul has sent me virtual bouquet for Valentine’s Day, so that’s cheered me a bit.
and the sun is shining.
and I’ve had a bar of chocolate.
ok - life could be better, but equally it could be a hell of a lot worse too.
now - let’s get on with the rest of the day…

forgot to put in yesterday’s TPL update (strangely, my mind was elsewhere): 18 points (lousy) taking my total to 664.

went to the bar last night - not many people out that I knew, although the place was busy with couples going into the restaurant for meals. Had a chat with Paul S and Claudie, but that was about it.
Have been mulling over Saturday’s events and am increasingly convinced I swore at the wrong person.
Probably out again tonight - I just need the company.

I’ve been offered a job - kinda. I have more questions than answers at the moment though.

Feeling really really depressed this evening - missing you-know-who like…well, I think you know.
Got a card thorugh my door today from Royal Mail telling me that they tried to deliver a parcel. Will go and pick it up from the sorting office tomorrow. I’m not actually expecting a parcel from anyone, but I have a pretty good idea what it is and who it’s from, and just know that it is going to make me really really really sad.
It would actually be good to get through a day without crying.

on a brighter note, I’m listening to Radio One’s Global Transmission programme (Thursdays 12midnight to 2am), and Luke Vibert is playing a set - jolly and slightly silly electronic music from the sixties, seventies and eighties - sounds like a cross between the Clangers and the theme from Paddington. Brilliant.

I was wondering if maybe I should try and set up a subset of the ukbloggers community for nocturnal bloggers - those insomniacs amongst the group, who, like me, occasionally feel the urge to bare their soul to the world at 1am. anyone interested?

even Wallpaper* gets in on the act of taking the piss out of George “Dubya” - take a look at the “view from” cartoon inside the back cover of the new issue…it depicts moving-in day at the White House, with chaos everywhere and huge Wal-Mart delivery trucks everywhere, peopled by guys in leathers, stetsons and bad moustaches. Made me smile.

On the subject of Wallpaper*, take a look at the Dior ad about three or four pages in from the front. Very striking (but then I am a single heterosexual male!).

still not solved the parcel mystery - will be going to the sorting office later this morning to pick it up.

nor have I solved the mystery of the e-bouquet that was sent to me on Valentines Day - c’mon, fess up!

whilst some people were out living it up, I had an oven-ready pizza and went to the bar for a pint. guh.

this weekend’s plans:
- to the bar tonight for beer
- lunch tomorrow with friends near Uckfield
- drinks tomorrow night with Sarah and some of her crowd from work to celebrate a birthday, probably in the bar for at least part of the time.
- Sunday - maybe actually doing some work on the redesign (yes, yes, yes, I know I said I’d have it done ages ago!!), followed by drinks in the bar. spotting a pattern yet?

Parcel mystery solved - not what I had feared - instead it was this book sent to me by Richard - thank you very much. Respect due. You succeeded in putting a smile on my face, which is quite an achievement.

other news:
- won £10 on the lottery! wheee
- bought a new mobile phone
- found out that my new double glazing probably will not need planning consent after all! great! more money (and time) saved. have to wait for official written confirmation, but I have it verbally from the planning officer. good news indeed.

what a fantastic sunny day - put me in a good mood!

redesigned!
I fully intend to further tweak this design during the course of the next few months, but for now….whaddya think??

oops! bit of a cock-up there - invited feedback on the new design, but managed to type my own mail address incorrectly - *d’oh!* - thanks to Matt for spotting that.